(Closed) Spending a ton of money on a wedding…semi vent

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, we are spening about 30k on our wedding and I can see where you are coming from. We’re busting our butts to pay for it and it’s seriously stressful so I wish we’d done something a bit different….

That being said, I think it’s important to keep in mind that the amount of money someone spends on a wedding doesn’t reflect how great of a time it’s going to be. Honestly. We’ve been to weddings that were over $70k and those were some that I had the least fun at.

We had friends who rented a cheap space on a lake, kept decor to a minimum, bought their own alcohol and had a BBQ buffet dinner for everyone and it was so much fun! And they couldn’t have spent more than a few grand. They wanted people to eat and drink and have fun…and who cares how that happens? What do you place importance on with the wedding? Food? Drink? Figure that out, spend money on it and plan around it and it will be the day of your dreams!

Post # 4
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

ugh, I know how you feel, I felt that way too when we first started planning our budget is 3k but I was told to keep it as low as humanly possible. I feel like I have been bending over backwards just to keep things cute and cheap. Luckily nothing says you HAVE to spend 10k or 20k to have your own beautiful day.

Once I started looking at what we really NEEDED to have a wedding v.s. the things that I thought were needed I couldn’t believe how things started to come together. At this point in our wedding it looks like our invitations are the most expensive part.

You can do it, You can have a beautiful wedding for under 2k easy, and there are lots of brides on these boards who have done it and can help. Don’t get sad about not having the 40k, look at it as a learning experience in creativity. (at least thats what I have been trying to tell my self) Its easy to have a beautiful wedding with 40k, we have to work at it, but it is going to be so much more personal. You can totally do it.

Post # 5
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Even if I had 30K to spend on a wedding I wouldn’t. It’s such a waste. It’s 1 day. Don’t be jealous of others budgets, my sister had her wedding for 5k it was amazing, and looked wonderful. if you wasted 30k on a wedding you’d regret it. i’ve talked to people married for awhile, and they all regret spending so much money

You could put that money down towards your forever house, a car, school. Maybe i’m to practical. Honestly, yes friends and family are excited for your wedding but they really don’t care. they just want the food, dancing, and the drinks, I’ve never been very materalistic, so i can’t imagine dumping that kind of money. or the crazy folks that go thousands of dollars into debt to have a “fancy”wedding. it’s crazy. i rather be in debt for a house, or schooling, or something useful.

Post # 6
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would say work with what you have. with lots of DIY work even though you will not have everything exactly as some people withn a larger budget have you can still have a beautiful wedding 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I get it. My budget was fairly large for a small-budget wedding, but I know my friends will spend twice as much on theirs. Fortunately, I tend to like simpler weddings, so I was able to have the wedding I wanted, but people questioned the decisions I was making. “Silk flowers?? No bar…You don’t want a DJ?” I know my guests enjoyed themselves, but I can’t help but feel like since mine was the first wedding, all the rest will be compared to mine, and seen as “better” because they’ll have things I didn’t.

Post # 8
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m trying to figure out how to say this without being rude, which probably means that I just should not post, and this is truly not an emotionally charged thing for me. I don’t know if you have your priorities straight – spending 50% of your self imposed budget on your wedding dress?

We spent almost a year’s salary (for one of us) on our wedding, but we did it by having a 17 month engagement. We also do not have either a house or a car, both seem like extravagant purchases which we simply do not want or need. We definitely do not regret spending that money. You have to make those sorts of choices as a couple. What is important to you, what is not important. I’ve been to a wedding where the couple served dairy queen ice cream cake, and what I remember not liking about that wedding was not that the cake cost $40. It was that they picked a ceremony venue where the guests sat 30 ft away, did not use mics, and nobody could hear a single word of the ceremony. Also, that they did not have a single polka song play at the reception – for a ukrainian wedding, that is just unacceptable.

I remember wishing that I could solve some of the problems that came up during wedding planning by simply throwing money at it to make it go away. The truth is that catering can get expensive, and you do have to put some consideration into your guests experience.

Post # 9
Member
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@GreenDream:  I have to agree. Mr Rugbee & I were engaged for 2 years in order to save up pretty much the entire cost of our wedding & I was in school the whole time. I cut every corner I could(restaurant instead of a hall, amateur photographer) did pretty much everything myself (invites, flowers, sweet table). In the end my wedding was fantastic because all the details were thought out(granted it also cost 20K).

Having been in your situation, I would strongly suggest putting off the date to have the wedding you want to have.

By The Way: I think it would be a lack of priorities to spend 40k on a car, given the way you describe your situation.

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We’ll have to come up with the money ourselves and neither one of us has savings, in fact, the only thing we do have is student debt >.< AND I found out we’ll need a ton of money for the immigration paperwork and I seriously had a panic attack…cut $2k from the $4k budget … FAK! I’ll be relying on alot of DIY, knock-offs and family help (labour, no money sadly).

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can absolutely empathize with you!! I often wonder how people do it….

Post # 12
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My parents are thankfully still fairly traditional, so they believe in paying for daughters’ weddings. Sister got $10k and spent way over that, paying for large amounts themselves and getting her DH’s parents to pick up the rest … Fi and I are sticking to the same $10k budget and doing fine-over-fine. The entire expense really is the venue my folks chose, which requires a certain caterer and florist, which suddenly covered the entire budget just for the nuts and bolts of a decent reception. Not that we’re complaining … THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!

The moral of the story is, there are only a few things that really cost actual dough. Food and booze mostly. Everything else can be very easily and BEAUTIFULLY DIY’d and people will rave!!! My dress was David’s Bridal $600; the accessories were all Etsy and cheap-o and gorgeous; making my own centerpieces and escort cards and table numbers, and I have a feeling those will be the highlight of the day! So don’t worry about budget; just get creative and see what other bees have managed to pull off. Our engraved personalized champagne flute favors were $2 each from discountmugs.com and the escort cards are wine charms and no doubt people will be aghast at “how much we spent”. AS IF!  Amazing what a little bit of creativity can accomplish 🙂

Post # 13
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s also to important to remember that the grass is always greener — you’ll hear complaints about “only” spending 45k on a wedding. A beautiful, meaningful event can be held at any budget. ANY budget. You just have to plan carefully. For my fiance and me, that meant prioritizing certain areas – we’re spending almost 50% of our budget on food and drink because that’s something we care about; we’re spending 2% on flowers because that’s not something we care about. If 50% of the budget on your dress is what’s important to you, that’s completely your prerogative, but remember that’s that choice you made when looking at your available funds for other items.

Post # 14
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Although you have a very small budget it is manageable.  My uncle and his wife had their wedding in a family member’s backyard and it was awesome!  They didn’t do a whole lot to decorate, family made the food, I think they had some drinks, but people brought their own too.  They could have afforded much more, but it was very casual and so “them”. They had a band that was great.  It was small, but everyone had such a great time.  I think a great way to have a do it yourself food is to do a New England barbque (I think thats what they call it)…clams on the grill, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, etc.  No matter how small or big a budget, I think we all have to sacrifice somethings that we can’t afford.  My budget is $12,000, but that is for 200 people and open bar.  Trust me, not easy to do.  That number includes evrything..dress, rings, hair, all of it!  I am doing it in a family’s yard, but it would have actually been cheaper to do it at a venue.  Rentals (tents, tables, chairs, dishes, bathrooms) adds up quickly.  

Post # 16
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think your post is slightly…barbed? 

First you say  more power to you guys who spend a lot on your weddings and good for you. 

Then you say it’s crazy.

Sometimes it really is hard to imagine where 40k is coming from, but everyone lives differently. Sometimes based on hard work, sometimes luck, sometimes a combination, these bills get paid and life goes on and the people who spend this money still have money. I don’t encourage going into debt over something like this, but if you have the money and this is the one day you want to spend a lot of it, that isn’t crazy. Or materialistic. 

Things just add up. In Philadelphia and the outer suburbs, you would be hard pressed to find a plate under $100.00. Sure it can be done, but adding in open bar, music, officiant, etc., you are getting very close to at least $20,000.00 when you have over 100 guests. In other states, it might be much less, but keep in mind that just because it’s much less doesn’t mean you are “smarter” or have your priorities straighter than everyone else.

When I was younger, I went to a bat mitzvah where the cake was a moving carousel. The parents who spent the money on this had money. They spent money. And guess what–they still make money. And the girl they threw it for, btw, is not spoiled or horrible. This is just how some people live.

Sometimes you have to invite lots of people. Sometimes you don’t. Some people want intimate, some want big parties. Some circles are used to a certain quality of service and will gift accordingly, and some circles just embrace the day and don’t give a gift at all. 

Who am I to judge how either side lives? All i can do is be a good person, pay my bills, file my taxes, budget my money, etc.

Speaking of being a good person, it’s ok to be jealous very briefly, but don’t let it overwhelm you because it becomes an ugly trait and makes you bitter and resentful. Don’t compare yourselves to others, especially those who have more than you, because you will always feel inferior, when in fact you are equals. 

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