Post # 1
So I am just really frustrated! I’m going on a rant but I promise it wont be too bad! So far I have paid for everything to do with this wedding, no one helps me, no one even hints towards wanting to help me and it’s pissing me off. I’m not made of money here, I can’t walk outside and pull some down of my abundant money tree!?! At any given time I will always have more money than my fiance, even though he just got a raise, he sells stuff on amazon.com, I still have more money. So what happens, I patiently watch him blow all his money on dumb “collectables” for him to “sell” but that in actuality just sit in our spare bedroom in tubs for months until someone buys possibly one $5 tiny item. So today I’m mad because everyone can splurge, everyone can get things handed to them, and I have to scrape and save every cent I possibly can to pay for a wedding that right now feels like it’s just mine, like he’s just along for the ride and doesn’t even care. Today, because he spent his money on who knows what dumb toy, or a box of some dumb cards, or even puzzles and board games (because we are 3, didn’t you know?) he had to ask ME for money. Now, I’m not in any shape or form old fashioned about money. It’s mine, I work for it, I save it, I don’t blow it, so he’s not in my opinion entitled to it. I’ve told him from day one, we split 50/50 our bills and what’s left is ours to do whatever we want with. Sure, then I shouldn’t be mad he spends his, I said he could do what he wanted, but asking me for my money isn’t part of the deal.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be so upset if I weren’t working so hard and stressing myself out about money for our wedding. Why can’t he cut back his frivolous spending like I had to? I gave up STARBUCKS!!! lol He’s a good guy, I love him to pieces! But really? Stop buying so much bs, and help your struggling women pay for the damn wedding you said you wanted when you put a ring on her finger!!! *sigh*
Post # 3
I understand how you feel and it does sound frustrating. In addition to going 50/50 on bills, have you thought about having each of you make a contribution to your wedding fund? He really should be contributing to that, which should relieve some of your stress.
Post # 4
This sounds like a much bigger conversation that needs to take place about expectations regarding money, savings, and future goals. I can understand that without a discussion and set agreement, he may not feel the need to voluntarily contribute financially to the wedding, especially if it’s not something he actually puts value on. However, in the future, how are you going to split the saving for a home, children’s needs, retirement, home improvement projects, vacations…etc. Have you had any discussion beyond your day-to-day bills?
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
CanAmBride is spot-on. This isn’t really a wedding issue; the wedding is just the catalyst. You need to have a series of long conversations about money philosophies- how you save it, how you spend it, what you value, etc. Think of the wedding as a microcosm of life. The way you do things now will become the pattern for how you do things in the future. So if you don’t like being the only responsible adult in the relationship, you need to nip this in the bud. Otherwise you will be implicitly giving him permission to put his wants above your shared goals for your entire life together, and you will be permanently pissed off.
Post # 6
@lovekiss: I agree. If this is an issue during wedding planning it is going to be a much bigger problem when you’re married and he is blowing money that you two need to save for a house, children, retirement, etc. I’d give serious thought to seeing some kind of financial planner or premarital counselor or something before getting married,
Post # 7
Second, third, etc. what everyone above said. You guys definitely need to work this out on a large scale before the wedding! Also agree that he should be saving for the wedding, too.
Post # 8
thanks ladies, I think you are right. Maybe it’s time to break down and have a little talk! Oh and I didn’t realize I double posted this!! lol sorry