(Closed) Spending Christmas Apart?? Who is in the wrong here….

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, I think this is just a tough situation. From his side, who are you to say that celebrating Christmas is more important than his nephew’s bris? They are both equally important family events. You say you are being made to feel like his family/priorities are more important than your family, but since you are forcing him to come to christmas with your family, you’re basically saying your family IS more important.

I would just split up. It’s not perfect in an ideal world, but then you each get what you want. Neither of you are Christian, so you could spend it with your mom and he can spend it at the bris, which, from what I understand, is a HUGE deal to Jewish folks! Christmas probably isn’t a big deal to him.

I think he’ll probably be resentful about missing his nephew’s bris =

Post # 4
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh man, I think I’d go to the bris or at least let him go. Is this his first niece/nephew?

Post # 7
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Have you talked to your mom about maybe doing Christmas on another day and going to the bris that day?  I would probably choose to try that option.  I do get why both events are important but I think I’d choose the bris.  

Post # 8
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that it’s a difficult situation. My husband and I are spending Christmas apart, which really isn’t a big deal to either of us. To me, that’s the easiest situation because then no one is selecting one family over the other and it keeps the drama to a minimum.

Could you and your mom/family celebrate Christmas on another day? Christmas eve? New years eve?

I’m not religious, but it seems like the bris is a bigger deal – it’s once in a lifetime (I’m guessing), where Christmas comes every year. I’d have him to go the bris, and you home, or both of you to the bris and promise your mom Christmas next year – and celebrate with her on a different day.

Post # 9
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

how far apart are his sister and your mom? i’m guessing it’s not possible to go to both?

a bris is a pretty big deal, but it’s supposed to be 8 days after the baby is born, not one week. is that still christmas day?

i would make a quick trip for the bris and postpone christmas with your mom.

Post # 10
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d choose christmas (although I’m not Jewish so I maybe don’t get how important a briss is). It just seems like if they choose to have it on a big family holiday they shouldn’t expect you to change your already-made plans (Thanksgiving with his fam and Christmas with yours) to accommodate them. 

Post # 10
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree; it’s a difficult situation. Because this is an important family event for him to celebrate his new nephew, and is not a yearly event, I would tell him to go. The holidays are important, and your first Christmas together is important, but it’s not like he’s chosing not to go with you to see your framily to spend time with the guys (as my ex did one year!!). He in a tough spot too, wanting to make you happy and see his family. If I were in his shoes, I would go to my nephew’s bris. I don’t know your history, but based on this event alone, I would not say that he’s putting his family’s priorities before yours. To be honest, I think he’s just considering his own priorities to attend this important family event.

Post # 11
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Even so, it sounds like a big deal to your husband and babies sort of get born at the most inconvenient times =]. It is a lot of driving and I get that. If you live 45 minutes from your mom, you could spend Christmas Eve with her or another day and make it up for her. But you could just let him go and then you get to see your family.

Post # 12
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If this is about how your family feels, I would let him go to the bris. You can spend time with your family and he can spend time with his. Good Luck on your final decision.

Post # 13
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with PP that maybe you can arrange to do the holidays with both of your familes. You aren’t in the wrong for wanting to be with your husband on Christmas because that is totally understandable. I think though that maybe you should take into consideration the fact that this bris is only going to happen once, yet you will have many Christmas celebrations in the future. Could Darling Husband promise that Christmas will be with your family next year of you go to the bris this year?

I always try to look at things from my SOs perspective to get a clear idea of the whole picture. Maybe this is why he puts more importance on the holidays with his family because a new baby, afterall, is a very exciting time for everyone. In the end do what is best for everyone, but try not to do only what is best for you. Plus you are a new auntie! This is worth celebrating on it’s own ๐Ÿ™‚

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