Post # 1
Hi all! This is my first post (I’ve been reading threads for a few weeks though). My SO and I have been together for almost year (met on NYE!). We’re very serious and plan on getting engaged before September of next year (we already went ring shopping and everything, so exciting!).
We are nearly inseparable but with the holidays coming up and our families being far apart, I’m not sure what we should do. My family is in NJ and his is in VA. We live in Philadelphia. I love his family and spending time with them, but I haven’t exactly been invited down for the holidays (even though they asked if I was coming down for Thanksgiving, and I didn’t) and I know I don’t want to be away from my family on Christmas. We are both off for the week between Christmas and NYE and he plans on being down in VA for the week.
Since we’re not engaged should we just do the holidays with our own families and not worry about it this year? Or should I find a way for us to visit both families during that week? How are you all managing to spend the holidays with your SO? Thanks in advance for the advice 🙂 (sorry this was so long)
Post # 3
We’re not engaged and are not spending Christmas together this year. Next year we plan on going for a cruise for Christmas, but we’ll be engaged then. My SO and I spent Easter together with my parents and his parents flipped. out. We even stopped by on Easter day for a few hours, but that didn’t make things any better. I was supposed to spend Thanksgiving with his parents, but plans change and I decided to visit my parents while he stayed with his. We’re not really sure what we’re going to do in the future. I think it’s likely we’ll spend holidays apart (minus next Christmas) until we’re married. I’m not sure what we’re going to do then, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
It’s really up to you guys and what you want to do. This is what works best for us right now.
ETA: Last year when we were just under a year we spent Christmas apart, but he came and spent a couple days after the holiday with my folks and me.
Post # 4
@PinkPanda: I wish I was spending chrsitmas with my SO. We have been together as long as yall and are also close/serious. He is visitng his brother and I am soooooo bummed. If I could spend it with him I would.
If I were in your shoes, I would pick a family and alternate next year and so on until you have children or enough space for visitors. If your family is welcoming maybe they’d be a good place to start?
Post # 5
Since this will be an issue forever if you marry you should start figuring it out now. I’ve seen couples do it one of three ways 1) Alternate years between families 2) Since VA and NJ are within driving distance, you could always do Xmas Eve dinner w/ one family then drive early morning to spend Xmas with the other 3) A different spin on alternating years, if one family is more into one holiday than the other, than you alternate holidays rather than years (aka Tgiving is his family, Xmas is yours, etc)
Post # 6
Wow you gals are fast 🙂 Thank you! I agree, we do need to figure it out for the future and I think we’ll most likely split holidays (at least for Thanksgiving) and Christmas we’ll be able to split the actual day and then see the other family that week. After your posts, I’m thinking maybe we’ll just do Christmas apart and I’ll drive down to VA if he asks. My family is not as welcoming since we’re not engaged but his is.
Post # 7
Wow, some of these responses make me sad. My FI’s family was more than welcoming before we were engaged, as my family was to him. :
Anyway, we split holidays. His dad’s side does Christmas the Saturday before, and my family does it the day of, and then we spend Christmas Eve with his dad, stepmom, and their kids. We spend Thanksgiving with FMIL’s family, except this year when we went to my family’s the day of and then headed up north for his dad’s side’s celebration (always the Saturday after) and stopped by his mom’s mom’s house to see her for a bit, too. This year, my family is doing Christmas the same day as his dad’s side, which really sucks, but I also don’t want to pack an overnight bag, drive three hours one way to stay one night, and end up putting $80 in gas in my car in two days.
Post # 8
last year he came to christmas with my family and this year we are doing christmas with his. i foresee that we will continue this pattern as long as he is not deployed, like he probably will be next year.
Post # 9
Ps Fiance has come to our Xmas a couple times over the past 6 years, before we were engaged, as his family is only two people (mother and brother) and they live 2,000 miles away, so when he wasn’t able to get more than the day of off from work, he’s come to our Xmas. My mom has been inviting his mother and brother to join us for years, they are accepting for the first time this Xmas now that we are engaged.