Post # 1
I need some advice!
My DH and I are thinking of spending a few months at my parent’s house in my hometown, which is about 12 hours from where we live. I work from home (yay for having a portable job!), and DH is a full time student and will have a full course load of gen eds this summer that he could take at the community college in my hometown.
So bee’s, anyone have advice? Anyone live with their parent’s/in-laws for a while after they got married? It would only be for 2-3 months, but… Any thoughts? Any situations to avoid?
Here’s a little background for ya:
Our reasons for wanting to spend the summer there:
- Spending time with my fam whom I don’t get to see that often anymore.
- This might be my last chance to spend a big chunk of time in my hometown, because once my DH has his degree it’s super unlikely he’ll find a job there.
- I’ll be able to work in my corporate office (in my hometown), which would be really good for my career.
- My parents live in the country on a gorgeous lake—so it will be fun to have access to hiking, boating, kayaking, etc. Plus my bff is getting married there and I want to be available to help out!
The reasons we’re a little wary of spending the summer there:
- We’re married and have been for almost a year. And going back to live with my parents for 2-3 months might be hard… We have a great relationship with my parents, but living under someone else’s roof as a married couple… just might not be good for our marriage.
- Lack of privacy. Even though we’d have the whole second floor of the house (3 bedrooms, our own bathroom), it’s still their house…
- If DH enrolls in classes at the college there, we couldn’t just leave (easily) if things got tense.
Post # 3
What does your DH think of the idea (meaning – is he excited about it, or just going along with it) and – how are your parents around you post-wedding? Did you see them around the holidays? Do they respect your relationship and DH?
I think it would be fine if DH was ok with it and they were respectful in general. I think as long as you can create boundaries for yourself, and can communicate what you need from them, you’ll be fine. Obviously – you’ll have less privacy in your own home – but, I’d think that would be a minimal inconvenience – but, that’s definitely a personal thing.
I’d also be concerned about having my own time to do things – meaning, will your parents expect you to hang out with them all the time.
Post # 4
DH is actually the one who brought up the idea. He loves my hometown and he gets along well with my parents, expecially my grandma. It’s the cutest thing!
I’ve only seen my parents twice since the wedding, but they’re fullly supportive of our marriage and are very careful to give us our space and respect us as adults. We spent a week around Thanksgiving there, and it was great.
My main concern (and DH’s too) is my dad. He has a tendency to treat me like a little kid, which can make me really annoyed. DH’s main concern is that my parents will drive me crazy. He’s mister easy going surfer dude, so they won’t bother him–unless they really bother me, if that makes sense. We just spent a week in Honduras with my Dad and bro for spring break though, and that was fine and super fun… But that was just a week 🙂
I think the best way to deal with it will be to sit down and hash out what exactly my parents expect of us (chores, cleaning, time together, etc) before we actualyl make the decision and agree.
The whole reason we’re even thinking about spending the summer there is that we both want to spend time with my family and we really enjoy them. I’m just a little nervous about the dynamics of it all, especially since we haven’t been at their house much since the wedding.
Post # 5
I think your pros outweigh your cons, IMO. It sounds like you both would have the ideal set up and it would be good for your career and his education progress. It probably will be odd moving in with your parents for a few months, but I think it could turn out really well based on what you’ve said.
Just keep in mind that no matter what, there probably will be a few tense/awkward/weird moments just cause that’s what happens when you live with family. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll probably be a great experience and I’m sure your family would love to have you ‘home’ again for awhile.
Post # 6
DH and I lived with my mom while we were still dating for 3 months. It was in her 3 bedroom townhouse with my younger (18yo at the time) brother and it was cramped. So I would never live with my mom. I would also never want to live with my in laws because I couldnt stand to be around them that often. However, it sounds like a good situation for you two so I would take advantage of it!
Post # 7
I would do it but for less time, maybe just one month.
Post # 8
I think it’s always hard to go back and live with your parents for long periods of time. I would do it, but treat it more as a vacation, and only visit on the weekends or for one week at a time. But that’s just me 🙂
Post # 9
@lindseyrose: your story of your dad, reminded me of something with my DH. He loves my mom and enjoys spending time with her. I love my mom but there are things she does that drives me crazy. So much so, it agitates me. Now, this is just normal parent agitation (IMO), but when DH sees me getting upset (even though it’s not ‘real’ upset – more annoyance and lack of patience) he doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to be around it. When I talk about us spending time with my mom – he’ll often say “as long as you don’t get upset”. Again, I’m not actually getting upset – but he knows I’m easily frustrated by things or situations. That said – I can understand how things your dad does will upset you – I think the best thing to do is to be more aware of it (not saying that will change anything, because it certainly doesn’t help me a bit) – but, perhaps talk to your DH more about. Perhaps he can help you recognize when you are getting upset and/or help you work through that. Him being aware that annoyance/frustration will happen may be something he’s got to come to terms with.
Long story short – after all you’ve written – I definitely think you should do it! Time is short and it sounds like a great opportunity to make the most of an opportunity to make great memories with your parents!
Post # 10
My big question: Have you discussed in with your parents? As much as they love you two, they may not be interested in having their kids move back home.. 2-3 months is a pretty long time.
I’d also be concerned about privacy. You just wouldn’t have the same freedom (even if the family is really respectful). You’d really want to talk about boundaries and expecations. Would you eat as a couple or all together? would you be responsible for chores? How would you ask for space?
Post # 11
oh also, you’d have to talk about money rent or contributing financially? you’ll increase their utility bills and grocery bills