(Closed) Spending the night in a hotel b/c my SO picked his friends over me….

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You shouldve never gave him that option.  You staying at a hotel just opened the door for this conflict to happen.  On the other hand, he should’ve never agreed to you staying in a motel. 

Why dont you go back to the apt.  It seems safer there.

Post # 4
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

If I were in your situation, I would have reacted in the same way that you did, up until the part where you suggested that you should be the one to stay in the hotel. Why did you bring that up as a possibility? I would have kept explaining to him what a reasonable idea it would be for his friends to split the cost of the cheap hotel room, and then encourage him to have a good time with them while they’re in town, not sleeping in your apartment.

Living in a studio apartment doesn’t allow for much privacy, which means that both of you really have to be okay with it to have overnight guests. Your objections were reasonable, and I don’t think it makes much sense for you to be in a hotel room by yourself right now.

Post # 5
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think it’s wrong of you to ask that his friends stay at the hotel but I do think it’s wrong that you went to the hotel, told him you wouldn’t be mad, but are still sulking.  I understand that you are mad and I understand why, I just don’t think you should have told your Boyfriend or Best Friend that it would be okay and that you didn’t care.  I probably would have left and told him that we need to have a discussion about it later, but wouldn’t have told him that I was okay with it.

Post # 6
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would be pissed too.  Sure you suggested it (I probably would have too!), but more as a way to say that you are so uncomfortable with them staying over that you don’t want to be there if they are – rather than actually wanting to stay at a hotel.  Ok, he took it literally, but STILL!  You live together in a small apartment.  Why does he think it would be ok to have all these people stay over without even mentioning it to you first?  As far as what to do, well I think you just need to tell him how that made you feel and what you really meant by suggesting the hotel.  You also need to establish that guests must be discussed with each other BEFORE telling your friends/guests that they can stay over.  He needs to be aware that you are not comfortable with having that many people stay over and in the future, you will not tolerate that unless it has been agreed upon beforehand.  

Right now, there isn’t much you can do, but just try to enjoy your time alone.  Read a book, cruise the internet, watch a movie, or perhaps have a bath (if the tub doesn’t look too sketchy!).  I hope you have a good night – and don’t let your anger get in the way of a good relaxing evening for yourself.  You won’t be able to deal with this tomorrow anyways.

Post # 7
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

I think you are right to feel the way you do about the guests, especially with one being questionable. This is your home, and sometimes guests can feel like an invasion.

However, I think that you kinda, in a way, threw yourself under the bus. He really should be the one going to stay with his friends at the hotel. Guy’s night out, right?

Sorry you are feeling so crappy about it. Not logical but you probably feel like you got kicked out of your home, or pushed out so to speak. Yes?

Post # 9
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that you should at least try and go out because that has a higher potential for being fun than sitting in a hotel room alone and sulking. If you don’t like it you can come back, but I think there’s at least a small chance you’d have fun. 

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I cant believe he is asking you to “promise you wont be mad” I’m sorry to say this but I feel he is being a bit dense here.. of course you will be mad.. I think its unbelievable he would think otherwise

Post # 12
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Well, since he paid for the hotel himself, I’m wondering why neither of you realized you could just put the three men in the hotel room?

Is it too late to do a switcher-oo? It would make everyone happier. You could say “Hey guys, it’s really comfortable over here and I think you guys would be much more comfortable than in our cramped apartment!”

Post # 13
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I totally agree with coconutmellie. If he is paying for the hotel, then that is where his guests should be staying.

Post # 15
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Miss Beach: i third this – if he’s paying, why the hell aren’t they there? or even just the third guy??

Post # 16
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@maggierose: It’s never too late to switch, lol! 🙂 Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

The topic ‘Spending the night in a hotel b/c my SO picked his friends over me….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors