Post # 1
I’ve been feeling very frustrated about this topic everytime I discuss it with my SO. When it comes to vacations and holidays, we’ve spent more time with his family than mine over the past few years. He would like to eventually live in his hometown, while I’d like to live between our parents to remain close to both. He wants to spend summer vacations with his family regardless of if I come or not, whereas I want to put our relationship first. It’s not that he has a problem spending time with my family, he just always puts his family first, and sometimes above me as well (which is hard considering we’re long distance).
How do you split your time, especially if you live near one family and not the other? And am I crazy for wanting our immediate family to take priority over the extended ones someday?? Thanks for any advice!
Post # 3
Could you alternate holidays? That’s what my Fiance and I do.
Thanksgiving and Easter alternate between our families. We had Easter with my family this year so Thanksgiving will be with his. Next year this will swap.
For Christmas I have celebrated on Christmas Eve with my mom’s family since I was born so that hasn’t changed. We go to his parents Christmas morning. Then we go visit with my Dad and return to FI’s family for dinner.
This was easiest for us. If dinners happen to fall in a convenient time frame that allowss us to visit both sides in one day then we do so.
Post # 4
@FloretteLiz That’s a good idea about Thanksgiving/Easter, we had sometimes alternated but I like the yearly swap. I’m worried about Christmas though, since our families are now 8 hours apart. You’re lucky to have everyone so close by!
Post # 5
This can be tough, especially when one, or both, of you have not had to compromise time with your families.
It was and adjustment for both Fiance and I, because we are both close to our families and we both have nieces and nephews that we want to see on the holidays.
I would suggest talking to your Fiance about this so you can establish a system now. He may not realize that his behaviour is coming off this way, and he needs to understand that YOU and HE are a family, and then your respective families come next. Let him know that marginalizing your family, and especially you at times, is not cool and it makes you feel underprioritzed. Then work out a schedule for holidays and stick to it.
I don’t know your situation, but he may just be a mama’s boy and not even know what he’s doing. My brothers were both that way until their respective FI’s nipped it in the bud. My Fiance was too even though he had been married before. His ex didn’t have much family so they were ALWAYS with his. Future Mother-In-Law had a hard time too sacraficing time with her baby boy, lol! Bottom line though, both my brothers and Fiance changed their tune when it was brought to their attention. I hope your Fiance does too. 🙂
Post # 6
Yeah it’s nice having them close for now (FI wants to move to Illinois after the wedding). The only thing that makes me sad is that I haven’t seen my mom for a holiday in over a year and a half because she moved to Tennessee two years ago.
Hmmm Could you maybe spend Christmas with one family and then plan a trip around New Years to celebrate with the other side and swap those yearly? Figuring out how to spend time with families is so grueling. I don’t know about you, but planning this stuff seems to get more complicated every year for us.
Post # 7
Oh holidays…. they are so easy when you’re in a relationship. (*sarcasm*)
What we did last year, was Easter was my mom’s family, Thanksgiving was his. Between Christmas and the summer holidays, we basically said that we would go to the events we could, but whoever asked us first/told us dates first got priority.
We also just had to kind of stop going to the extended family ones for the most part. We told everyone we would try to go to whatever we could, but no guarantees. There’s just NO way to fit 4-5 parties over the course of 2 weeks, and frankly, we don’t really like our extended families THAT much!
It’s going to be worse now that DH is in the military because I’m pretty sure we won’t be celebrating holidays or birthdays even together for the most part, let alone with family.
ETA: I should also add, that we had the idea of starting to host the parties at our house, especially this year when DH is home from training for Christmas (yay!!!). We’re going to say that Monday is his family, Tuesday is mine, Wednesday is friends… etc, then have people come to us. That’s just how it is for us because I know his schedule and time will be really limited, but it’s an idea if you live far away from everyone and can’t travel to both.