(Closed) Spent my wedding fund

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hopefully, even if there isn’t $10k available for you, they will gift you something.  My parents are no longer in a position to help the way they might have 10 years ago, but I appreciate that they are gifting what they can afford.

Post # 4
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I saw that your other post on this topic didn’t get a lot of responses.  If you don’t mind, would you in the future please “bump” your previous thread for more responses.  It would really help the mod team keep the boards from getting cluttered with duplicate posts.  Thanks.

Post # 5
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry you feel sad over this, but I see absolutely no reason to be sad about it.  And I’m sorry, but it does sound spoiled and entitled.  I mean, if your parents had a tough split and needed the money to get on their feet, did you really expect them to not use it “your money”  so that they could get by and get their lives back together as you said and throw you a party instead? 

Post # 6
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it’s just a fact of life that financial situations change over time. While they may still want to help you, things have changed pretty drastical. I’m sure you know that divorce is super expensive, so it probably was impossible for them to make it through without using that money.

Also, given your age and the fact that you can afford to take care of yourself, they may not feel that you “need” money for a wedding.

Post # 7
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in a very similar situation. My parents got divorced, their was a failed business and they can’t really contribute to my wedding.

It took us months for Fiance parents and my parents to figure out what they could contribute, and yes, it is frusterating.

However, I do think you sound kind of spoiled. Your parents, I’m sure, would love to provide for you, but divorces are expensive and it’s scary to be older and on your own like that. Also, it’s not “your” money. It was and is their money and if they gave you any of it, it would be because they wanted to, not because you were entitled to it. Be lucky that you don’t need the money and move on…or, ask them outright if they can afford to give you any. Either way, there is nothing set in stone saying parents need to provide for this expenditure.

Post # 8
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand your frustration, but it really wasn’t “your money”. It was a savings that they had with an earmark for your wedding. Other issues came up and they needed to spend it.

I would be upset if my parents had kept telling me AFTER I got engaged about a certain amount to be contributed, then pulled away after plans were set.

Post # 9
104 posts
Blushing bee

We’re both 30 and feel that it’s our responsiblity to pay for the wedding.  We’re older, both have our careers going and are financially sound to support ourselves.  I’m not sure if, or how much our parents would even be able to help out since my parents are not in a financial situation to help.

I understand you’re let down that the 10K is gone now, but at the same time it did help you’re parents in a situation where it was actually needed-not just to celebrate one day.

Post # 11
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I totally feel your pain! My Parents have done the same thing to me twice now.

The first time i had just started nursing school (paid the first year myself with a student loan) and made it through  with a 90% average. They pulled the rug out from under me and told me that they would not be able to co-sign on a loan afterall for the remaining years (after i had already sunk 20k into school). This was because my step-mom decided she wanted to quit her job and go back to school.

They had also promised me and Fi $5000 toward our wedding/home downpayment when we got engaged in 2010. Then after wedding plans were progressing they now wont be able to commit to that much anymore.

I am extreemly frustrated and i know that circumstances change, but i just wish they would stop making promises they cant keep.

I feel your frustration!


Post # 12
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

There’s a point in adulthood when roles start reversing.  You start to feel as though it’s your job to take care of your parents.  It happened for me around your age and I stopped wanting my parents to spend money on me.  I want them to take care of themselves and have what they need for their retirement. 

You feel how you feel…but you can change your thinking a little bit on this one. 

Post # 13
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yup, it’s a sad situation. I’m sure your parents didn’t envision being divorced someday when they watched their daughter get married. I’m sure there is nothing more they’d like to do than be able to contribute to your day. I’m sure the real problem isn’t the money, it’s just what you’re focusing on now because it’s easier emotionally to feel disappointment about that situation than deal with the messy emotions of celebrating your union when you feel sad that your parent’s has not worked out. I’m sorry your family is going through this, but you will be able to create a beautiful wedding, even if it’s not the one you originally hoped for.

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