- 8 years ago
Some of you might recognize me, the girl who wrote the incredibly honest/revealing post about her money issues. About living beyond her means, etc. Well?
Fast forward three months. An investment we had made a while back paid off… big. Aside from that, we have had a windfall of cash from bonuses neither of us expected to get and big tax refunds as well. Our wedding woes regarding money are gone, we are ahead again on our monthly payments, etc. Things are looking good. Great, in fact. Are we still in some debt though (NWR)? Yup. Sure are. But the good news is that we are slwoly paying it down and doing really well, no longer living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to get by.
Yesterday was my birthday. He didn’t plan anything nice for me (never does – we have discussed this over and over again but he really just does not GET it) and walked in the door, thrusted a package into my hand and said “Here is your present” – he spent about 4 times what I had expected on a beautiful but completely over the top watch. I have a rather modest e-ring/wedding band set that was what we could afford three months ago, before we got all this money – and now he buys me a watch that is almost half the total of the ring set?? I bring this up because I’ll admit, had we been able to afford it I would have loved to have a bigger ring – AND this new watch is so flashy that I’m concerned that it would actually detract from my ring which regardless of size is beautiful.
It’s a nice gift and a sweet gesture, but really I couldn’t hide my lack of excitement. It’s more than I would have liked him to spend (he did this last year to with diamond earrings also) and I feel like the reason he got it was because he was out of time to buy me something and its easier to go flashy than to pick out a Fossil from the 60 choices he might have had at Macy’s. For the record, he picked it out and bought it on his way home from work yesterday. About an hour before I got it. He bought those diamond earrings last year an hour before we went to dinner on a Saturday night. He even bought my engagement ring the day before he proposed to me – Christmas Eve. He told my family he was proposing back in November, but never looked at rings or anything. I picked it out by accident with a friend and she helped him out. He even admits freely he never went to looka t rings just “knew he wanted to get married to me”
Same kind of deal – out of time, lack of thought, buy something flashy.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful here and I hope that people don’t take this that way. I love giving people thoughtful, important gifts that I take time carefully choosing. Some people who have read The Five Love Languages might know that I rank pretty high on “Acts of Service” – for me it isn’t about the actual gift. It’s about taking the time and thought to really consider me and work to get me soemthing I will genuinely love. When I get a gift like this, I’m underwhelmed by the lack of effort regardless.
Also? I don’t NEED a blinged out watch to wear everyday. I wanted a simple, stainless watch or something fun and ‘me.’ He is fine with me exchanging it but he loves it and thought I would like it too (it’s pretty for sure, and a good pick if I wanted an expensive watch). I hurt his feelings by not being excited when I saw the box but he expects I am returning it at this point.
I don’t know what to do anymore with him and these gifts and my comparison to the ring issue. Advice or comments? Please go easy on me, I’m already feeling horrible about the whole situation. 🙁