- 7 years ago
My SO and I have been together almost 4.5 years, and have been living together for almost 3 years. He’s awesome, and our sex life is great. He’s always a very loving, sensitive, and affectionate guy.
He has a really bad hip/back problem, so we basically only really do it in the cowgirl position [which hey, can’t say I mind haha], and occasionally missionary when he’s feeling good for it. We do vary where we do it sometimes, which is nice, and we also mix in a lot of foreplay/manual stuff. Occasionally we’ll mix things up and hold off on sex for a while [a few days/weeks] and just make out and do the manual stuff which makes the sex that much hotter when it returns. Regardless what it is we’re doing, we’re intimate in the sexy sense roughly twice a week.
That being said, for the last month or so, he hasn’t been able to finish during sex when we do have it. And a couple times he’s lost his mojo completely during. Don’t get me wrong, I understand there’s days where we all may not be into it for whatever reason [stress, work, tired, etc], but I’m starting to get concerned because for the last month, we’ve basically only been doing the manual stuff. When we go to actually have sex, which as I said has been a few times, he either loses it during, or just doesn’t finish so we stop and go to manual… which at that point, he has no problem getting off.
The first time it happened, he felt super bad and got surprisingly emotional, because he was so worried I would think it had to do with me. He assured me it had nothing to do with me, he loves me, I’m beautiful and turn him on etc. That time it didn’t bother me so much.
I understand it happening every now and then, really I do. But now that we’ve tried a couple times since then and it’s the exact same thing [he can only get off through manual], I’m starting to get concerned. And also feel a little bad, because now I’m starting to worry that it actually may have something to do with me, and/or how much I satisfy him. Which is super frustrating, because I’ve always been the one to suggest trying different things, positions, times of day etc … but he never goes for it. Says he’s perfectly happy with our sex life and what we do in it, though he does feel bad that the only time he really has energy for sex is in the morning [this has been a problem in the past because that was literally the only time he’d want to have sex, but that’s improved a bit, slightly more spontaneous now which I love].
One of the things that bums me out is that we work opposite shifts. We basically just eat [at like 10 when I’m done work], watch tv/talk about our day, snuggle in bed, and then we have only ONE day off together… and this is what’s happening to our sex life. It makes me sad. I would think that the lack of time together would put some jump into it, but I think the opposite shifts may be part of the problem. He’s probably turned on while I’m at work, and then tired/not in the mood when I get home. I mean, sorry if this is Too Much Information, but with working the opposite shifts, I feel like I have more of a sex life with my vibrator than my SO at times. Which kills me! I wish we could find a happy medium, a way to just sync things up every now and then, or maybe once in a while he’d start doing it even if he didn’t feel like it [even I’ve done this at times, I’ve heard the more you do it, the more you want it etc]. I’ve even tried a suggestion I’d read somewhere about cutely scheduling sex… but he’s told me in the past that he hates that because he feels too much pressure.
I guess I just need some advice as to:
a] how to deal with this/bring it up in a non-blaming/non-bitchy sounding way
b] not blame/feel bad about myself
c] any tricks/tips/locations/positions or twists we could try to maybe spice things up and get him crazy interested in sex again
Thanks for letting me get this out, I really needed it. Any words of encouragement and/or advice would be greatly appreciated. <3