Spin off: Are you the platonic female friend?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 91
Member
3341 posts
Sugar bee

soexcited123 :  how in the world would I know that? Don’t say I’m bitchy if you don’t give me the whole context. You’re upset about another thread then provide the link. And don’t take it out on me. This is all on you.

 

Even better if you’re upset about another thread I’ve been talked about and doing that for it. Not any year old thread.

Post # 92
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

Oops, didn’t realize this was an old thread…

Post # 93
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I have MULTIPLE platonic male friends. I probably have 3 male friends for every one woman. I just get along with men better. I enjoy nerding out with video games instead of having lunch and bitching. I find most women to be too much talk and too much drama, most men are just simpler and easier. 

And No, my male friends and I don’t flirt, and I’ve never slept with, or thought about sleeping with any of them.

It is ridiculously sexist to think men and women can’t be platonic friends. 

Post # 94
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I have one platonic guy friend and it is just as you feared–but really not that bad. At one point, he did have a crush on me, but that soon subsided. This was years ago. We still keep in touch and I think he is a great guy! He is my bridesman.

In college, he met a girl and started crushing on her. I was in grad school and would skype him sometimes and he told me that she was a little jealous of our relationship (even though this girl already had a boyfriend). I didn’t like her, only because I think she was stringing him along despite having her own boyfriend. He treats her so well but she just takes advantage of him! Anyway, I have valid reasons to dislike her. We haven’t met in person, but she is coming to my wedding, and I talked to her before when we had a group phone call. I was still courteous. 

It’s not like I go around hating everyone he likes; I just want him to be in a healthy, happy relationship, and if someone isn’t treating him that way, then I just won’t like that person. But if he was with someone who was, I’d support them wholeheartedly.

Post # 95
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I have quite a lot of straight male friends, myself being a straight female. I have to admit that with some we have had sexual situations and that all of my relationships started from being friends first. However, there are many frienships I’ve had with men where I never could imagine having a sexual encounter with them. I would trust your SO, but I would not discount that his friend might be subtly attracted to him/flirting, or she may just be a naturally flirty person.

That being said, sometimes some flirtation within a relationship can be healthy. Strict monogamy is unlikely. How many times have you fantasized about your fav celebrity? While he may not reciprocate the fliration she deals, it might help his self esteem to receive the flirtation, if he even recognizes it. 

As long as you trust him and her flirtation doesn’t get out of hand, don’t worry about him receiving some attention. 

Post # 96
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John's Lutheran Church

soexcited123 :  He is, you should try it sometime

Post # 97
Member
2135 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have a few male friends. One in particular I had a huge crush on for many years as a teen and we’ve never talked about it apart from vague hints when drunk but I think it was reciprocated. We both also know however that neither of us would want to be in a relationship with the other because we’re far too different and wouldn’t gell as a couple. When I met his now wife I was very careful to not engage in any flirty or inside jokes with him. I added her on Facebook and included her in almost every next message asking how they are or making plans to meet up and double date. We came to each others weddings and now she and I meet just us girls for regular playdates with our kids. If I’m honest I still get on with him better than with her, after all we’ve known each other since we were 10, but she’s his wife and I 100% respect her and their relationship and like her. My husband has no issue with either of them. 

Post # 98
Member
5811 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

deedee2016 :  

Many, many, many years ago I had a good platonic relationship with a guy.  He lived in my building, we started out just hanging out, discussing our wretched love lives and drinking lots of wine.

He was an attractive man, but we both knew from the beginning that we were destined to be friends only.  Although he did come in handy when I wanted to make some guy jealous.  Yes, I played those juvenile games in my youth.

Eventually, I moved to the next street over and our friendship continued.  It was nice never having to be alone on a dateless Saturday night.

Then he met a woman and got married.  She tried to be friendly, but she obviously had a problem with me.  Eventually, we just drifted apart.  Such a loss.

Post # 99
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

In college, I went to a school where I literally didn’t know a single person. After about a semester or so, I started hanging out with a group of guys that I met through a mixer. It was three roommates and a fourth guy who lived a few apartments away. 

I had a major crush on the one friend, and the other three were my best friends. It makes me mad when people say men and women can’t be friends. I think it all just boils down to the situation. 

Unfortunately, the one male friend who I was closest to started dating a girl who didn’t want him to hang around our “group” anymore so we all lost touch with him. Then about a year later, another one of the guys started dating a girl who we all really liked. We thought it was awesome he found someone so sweet like him who was super caring. We would do a few date nights as a big group with some other people and I thought it was nice to be included. Fast forward to about a year, I never heard fro,m my friend again. 

I feel like I almost got shunned as a friend just because I was a woman, which isn’t right. My advice for anyone who is the girlfriend or fiancée or wife is to just include the female friends and get to know them. It’s really not fair to break up friendships just because of insecurities. 

My fiance is one of those guys who just doesn’t have female friends. He’s very much a guys guy and just doesn’t have a lot of hobbies in common with women. But he is totally fine with my male friendships. I think people just need to take the time to get to know one another smile

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