(Closed) SPIN-OFF: Did any of you bees NOT live with your SO before marriage?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: At what point did you move in with your SO?
    We were roommates before beginning a romantic relationship. : (0 votes)
    We moved in together pretty quickly after the relationship started. : (29 votes)
    20 %
    We moved in together after being in a relationship for quite a while, but not engaged. : (45 votes)
    30 %
    We moved in together after right getting engaged. : (8 votes)
    5 %
    We moved in together a while after being engaged. : (10 votes)
    7 %
    We're happily married and living in separate homes. : (3 votes)
    2 %
    SO is deployed or works long distance, i.e. spends more nights away than home. : (0 votes)
    We moved in together after marriage. : (53 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1152 posts
    Bumble bee

    You forgot to put the option “we didn’t move in together until marriage.” ๐Ÿ™‚

    We didn’t. Mostly our reasons was religious – chastity – but also social/emotional reasons, too. I felt like it would take all the excitement out of marriage. I mean, what changes? That’s always confused me. And I’ve heard a lot of discouraging statistics about it. Just not for me! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 4
    Member
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    My SO & I moved in together after 10 months. We originally planned to move in after a year & a half but we were long distance & it was getting to be WAY too much for me. I’m sooo glad we moved in early.

    Post # 5
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee

    I am not living with my SO and will not until we are husband and wife. Most of it is because of religious reasons however the way we grew up also had a lot to do with as well. I grew up with my parents being married first and then living together, he grew up with his parents living together and then getting married after they had kids. We both agreed that we want to experience our firsts as a married couple(i.e first home and things). It is not for everyone however it works for us!

    Post # 6
    Member
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    We are long distance and unable to move in together until marriage and visas due to living in separate countries. Otherwise we probably would have moved in together within a year or so.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4035 posts
    Honey bee

    @gangqinjia:  Umm, spending the rest of your lives calling each other husband and wife…that’s what’s exciting about it and what changes!!

    Also, new research shows no significant negative effects from cohabitating if it is a stable and intentional relationship to begin with. The negative stats are from those that are “serial” cohabitators.

    OP, we moved in together after 4 years together. It made sense and I loved having a chance to get to know him better and adjust to living together. I have a good friend who waited until after marriage to move in (religious reasons) and she has admitted their first year together was difficult. It wasn’t so much suprising for her as it was an adjustment to each other’s habits and lifestyles. Basically, it wasn’t fun.

    I would rather be a blissful newlywed than figuring out cleaning/chore routines, who sleeps better when/where and learning to live together ๐Ÿ™‚

    Living together before marriage is not for everyone, but I would not have done it any other way.

    But that’s just my opinion.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    Mine is kind of “other”, although if I had to pick an option it would be moved in awhile after engagement.

    My Fiance and I lived apart until August of 2012 (we were engaged in Feb of 2012), and then in August I moved in with him. However, we lived with his parents! He was finishing college, and I moved up to take a much lower paying job. Im lucky, because his parents and brother and sister are amazing.

    So the plan was, as I’m looking for a new job, he’d go to grad school and we would move in to a new place right before we got married. However, grad school has been pushed back and he accepted a job in MY hometown, and moved in with MY parents!! So I’m still up here, doing the job search, and when his job is over for the year he should come back up and join me (Dec).

    And yes, we’re getting married in September so we’ll be living about two hours apart for the first two months of our marriage. Phew!!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Moved in together after being together for awhile but not yet engaged. Personal decision, not religious.

    Post # 11
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I didn’t want to live together before we were married, he did.  We compromised by living together during our engagement.  He proposed ten days before we closed on our house.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4659 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I wouldn’t buy a house without seeing the inside. 

    I similarly wouldn’t marry someone I had never lived with.

    To my mind… you learn stuff about someone when you live with them all the time that you would never learn otherwise. You have conversations that would otherwise be easy to avoid. I’m sure only moving in after marriage works out fantastic for those who choose it but I don’t think I ever could accept a proposal from someone I hadn’t lived with, slept with, talked about *everything* with… seen all the bad habits and unpleasant details that are easier to miss without cohabitation. I’d want to make a fully informed decision. 

    @gangqinjia:  Honestly, almost nothing will really change, which is just how we like it. ๐Ÿ™‚ Only the outside/labels will be changed to reflect what we already are. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Lived together after 3 years of dating. Together 7 now and getting married soon. I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

    Couples should do whatever works best for them, but honestly, there is no way I would commit the rest of my life to someone without completely knowing them. No matter how much you “know” someone, you will still change the dynamics of your relationship once you live together.

    It’s a fact, living together is different than not. It may or may not be a difficult transition, but it will be different. I want to be fully informed before making a serious commitment.

    Post # 14
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We didn’t move in together until marriage because of our beliefs.

    Post # 15
    Member
    930 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We are moving in together when we get married (perhaps a couple weeks before hand)

    We are LDR until the wedding, so that is the biggest reasoning for us.  Otherwise, we would have waited until we were engaged, as that is were we personally fall.

    Post # 16
    Member
    11234 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Bebealways:  +1

    @maya2008:  +1

    We moved in together after dating for 2 years. He proposed another year and a half after that. I would never marry someone that I hadn’t lived with first. 

    The topic ‘SPIN-OFF: Did any of you bees NOT live with your SO before marriage?’ is closed to new replies.

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