(Closed) spin off: do you follow "cover your plate"?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you try to follow or are in favor of "cover your plate"?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 47
    Member
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

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    @ItWasntMe:  aah is it really?? haha well thanks for correcting me. I don’t know why I thought it was from an older generation! 

    Post # 48
    Member
    11533 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Covering the cost of one’s plate at a wedding is not a “rule” but, rather, an oft-repeated guideline that has no basis in etiquette.

    Those who plan and host events should not be counting upon an infusion of cash from their guests to fund the cost of the festivities. Guests should give gifts because they want to give them and in amounts that they are able to give. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @bebero:  I’m from a region where “cover your plate” is the general rule/expectation (Northern NJ). I still think it’s stupid.  In addition to the reasons you’ve provided, even if every guest covers their plate, that would only equal about half the cost of the wedding.  What’s next?  Cover my lighting, shoes, limo, and dress?  FWIW, even though we are from NY/NJ, we had our wedding the DC area.  People from NY/NJ gave significantly more than people from the DC area.  It’s definitely a regional thing, I am sure they were doing the cover your plate rule.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

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    @LilRhodyGem:  And here all this time I thought I was invited to weddings because the couple wanted me to be there to share their day.  Alas, no they only wanted me to provide financial subsidy for the wedding. 

    I would be so saddened if one of my guests opted to not attend my wedding because they couldn’t cover their plate.  They were invited because the role they play in our lives not the size of their wallet.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

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    @Chrysoberyl:  A meal is easily $200 in the more expensive regions of the country (NJ, NY, etc.)

    Post # 52
    Member
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    No, I had actually never heard of this “rule” before I found this site.  For one thing, how do I know how much my plate actually costs?  It’s not like I’m going to ask the couple.  For another, just because the couple can afford to spend X amount on my plate doesn’t mean I’m capable of spending the same amount on their gift.  My fiancé and I combined can’t afford more than $30-50 for a gift.  Finally, I can’t imagine expecting guests to reimburse me, the hostess, for the cost of hosting them at MY event.  It’s my party, I’m going to assume the responsibility of paying for it.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1213 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2004

    We use our plates as a starting off point.  If we are close to whoever it is, we go above and beyond what we think their plates cost.  We normally gift between $200-300 at each wedding.

    Post # 54
    Member
    3723 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @bebero:  Let’s be honest about it – there is a cost to attend a wedding. My closing thought to my post was “I guess my thought is, if you can cover the plate, you really should.” I’ve been in straits where I couldn’t cover my plate and I did the best I could. Now that I can cover the plate, I do it. I would have done it years ago if I could afford it. Do the best you can and that’s it.

     

    View original reply
    @badabing88:  Oh geez, I guess I should have put more thought into what I posted because I didn’t mean to come off in such a bad way. Ok, if you can’t cover the plate, you can’t. I was just saying that it’s common where I am. In any case, no, how on earth would most mortals cover a plate thrown by fast food moguls? I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. I would just have to give her what I thought a nice gift was and be done.

     

    View original reply
    @Chrysoberyl:  Honestly, can you ever really have too many spatulas? Hopefully what I’ve typed above clears the air on this.

    Post # 55
    Member
    3723 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @musician32992:  

     

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    @RunsWithBears:  

     

    Poor people should not attend weddings. EXACTLY! No… sheesh… give what you can.

     

    Post # 56
    Member
    3723 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @NJmeetsBX:  I’d be sad too if someone I invited didn’t come because they felt they couldn’t gift enough. It’s not the point of a wedding – it’s celebrating with family and friends. The question was – Do you cover your plate? My answer is Yes. …and Yes, there is a cost to going to a wedding. It’s called a gift. If you can’t cover your plate, so be it. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    1848 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    My mom was shocked when she heard some people don’t cover their plates (at least).

    She’s Asian, though, and her whole family gives large $ gifts at big events like weddings.

    Post # 58
    Member
    3723 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @sealevels:  A-HA! SEE!!! It’s NOT JUST ME!!! Phew.

    Post # 59
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Nope. Around here, at least, it is IMPOSSIBLE to try and predict how much your plate costs.  I mean, if you go to a wedding where they are serving $150 meals and you’re barely living paycheck to paycheck, I think it is very stupid to try and “cover” your plate.

    Give a gift that YOU can afford and that YOU want to give. If ANYONE thinks you’re being cheap with your gift then THAT person has a problem, not you. A GIFT is a GIFT is a GIFT!

     

    My two cents, anyway.

    Post # 60
    Member
    2224 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’m a brokeass college student. If my plate is less than $40 then sure I cover my plate buuuut that’s it. I can’t imagine I’d be friends with someone who only sees me as a cash machine to pay for their wedding.

    Post # 61
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    For us we do not expect our guests to “cover their plate”..

     

    I however do my best if I can financially afford to cover my plate. I know that weddings are expensive and I want to make sure the bride and groom have at least  a bit of money after their wedding to do something nice.

     

     

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