(Closed) Spin off: do you still attend if you can't afford a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As a guest I would show up without a gift as long as it is a couple I know well enough to assume they really want me there. I would, however, probably RSVP solo in that case and not bring along Fiance or any children unless they too are super close to the couple getting married. I would of course get a card and would try to at least get a small gift (like movie tickets for a date night or something?).

As a hostess I would absolutely want people to come regardless of whether or not they could give a gift. I might feel a little taken advantage of though if someone brought their whole family and dates for their teenage children or whatever and didn’t get a gift.

Post # 19
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

@MrsPanda99:  I feel like very one can afford SOMETHING. Even if its $10 it shows that you tried.

Post # 20
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I wouldn’t want someone to feel that they couldn’t attend my wedding if they felt they couldn’t afford a gift. That’s not what I’m about, and of course they’re invited because we want them there.

On the other hand, I don’t feel that a gift has to be expensive. Cards can be inexpensive, handmade gifts can be inexpensive, if you know how to play sales and coupons well, boxed gifts can be inexpensive. I do think it’s rude to show up to a wedding completely empty-handed.

Post # 21
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yes I would attend even if I couldn’t bring a gift, and of course I would wanted the guest there even if they couldn’t give me a gift.

Post # 23
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Considering we had people show up to our wedding that couldn’t afford a gift, I think it’s fine to attend empty-handed. We were pretty cognizant of our guests’ financial situations so we weren’t upset or disappointed. Certainly, one does not invite people solely for gifts because it’s not remotely equal. I could’ve bought everything on my registry in multiple quantities in lieu of the wedding.

If it is a Destination Wedding and we can’t afford the travel expenses, Darling Husband and I usually will send a nice gift. Otherwise, back when I was financially strapped as a broke college student, I would still pick out something small but definitely nothing in the realms of “cover your plate”.

Post # 26
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I would want a card from everyone. You can afford a cheap $1 card. And if you can’t, you can print one out from somewhere. But no, I don’t want a gift. I just said in another thread that your budget comes partially from going “how much am I willing to throw away for this?” You’re getting married and want your loved ones there to witness this special moment. You’re not doing it to get gifts and money. So while I hope we make some money back and get cool gifts, if someone didn’t give me a gift? No big deal. And while I would hope to be able to give gifts, if someone else couldn’t, I would never begrudge them.

Post # 27
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No gift is fine, but definitely bring a card. A couple showed up to our wedding with neither, and it made it a little weird afterwards because I wasn’t actually sure if they hadn’t given a gift (as in, did a card go missing? did something from the registry never arrive?). If you give a card with nothing in it, it’s pretty clear what happened and there’s no reason for anyone to talk about it! Unless they’re jerks, which plenty of people are. But if they’re jerks, then aren’t you glad you didn’t waste money on a gift for them? Jerks don’t deserve nice things!

Post # 28
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsPanda99:  That is easily in my top 3 pet peeves: the person that cannot just accept a polite “no” to an invite. Don’t ask me “why?“, and don’t try to twist my arm if I tell you a reason. I’m saying “no” politely because it keeps me from being honest with you and hurting your feelings with the real reason I don’t want to be there.

*grrrrr*

Post # 29
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsPanda99:  I suggested making something or bringing something small.  I didn’t say you had to go all out, but for heaven’s sake, don’t be so cheap to not bring ANYTHING!!  Especially if you plan to eat the food and drink the alcohol. 

Post # 30
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I had friends fly half way around the world to come to my wedding. One of them was apologizing to me the other day about not buying my gift yet and I was told her to shut up because her presence was the most unexpected, awesome gift I could have received. 

I got married a little later in life (mid 30s). I was kind of over gifts. 

Post # 31
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think there’s also a difference between being financially destitute and feeling put-out by the wedding and therefore deciding not to give a gift. I’ve read a lot of threads where it’s like, “well we’re traveling to get there, so I don’t feel like I need to give a gift.” I saw a thread on another wedding forum that was essentially, “well my fiance doesn’t have anything to wear to the wedding. I’m going to buy him nice clothes and take it out of the gift I would have given the bride and groom.”

For me, a gift is a gift. You’re giving it to the couple because you love them and are celebrating their marriage with them. I don’t give a different amount if I have to fly across the country or if the wedding has a cash bar or if the bride and groom have a backyard BBQ. It’s a gift from me to them.

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