Post # 32
@al0818: Maybe it isn’t a matter of being cheap. I’m of the mind that I never fully know what is going on in someone’s life. Maybe they have a sick relative, two mortgages, a looming job loss, or maybe even all three…You just never know. I was asking a hypothetical question about folks legitimately not being able to afford a gift. I guess in your case, it’s just better they don’t attend at all rather than be seen as cheap.
Post # 33
Yes, I would, and did, and I offered an uncessary (to them) explanation as to why, because I wanted them to know. However, several months later, when I easily was able to afford to give them the gift I wanted to give, I gave it at that time.
I also had several people who attended my wedding who could not and/or did not give gifts. Their traveling from many states away to attend our wedding and/or being a member of our bridal party was more than enough of a gift for us.
Post # 34
@cmbr: That’s an interesting point. A lot of people do “gift accordingly” and base it on the type of wedding and how difficult/costly it is to attend.
Post # 35
@badabing88: LOL…at that point, maybe they deserve to hear the real reason 😉
Post # 36
I find this thread so bizarre
I’d say that a good 70% of our presents and cards came from people who weren’t invited to our wedding.
I opened my thank you note spreadsheet to check it out (because I don’t even remember it!) and out of the 35 that attended, less than 10 gave a card or a gift.
I don’t give a damn. Cards are boring and unless they’re uber special they go in a box and I’ll probably never look at them again.
Taking time out of your life to go to a wedding SHOWS support. You don’t NEED extras. Gifts are nice, appreciated, it is awesome to receive them, but they’re not a requirement.
also, the “weddings cost money” argument is bulls***. nobody forced you to have a reception and nobody forced you to invite anyone.
a wedding is thrown by the couple because they want to. i don’t feel the need to pay for my attendance with a gift. i give gifts beacause i love the couple and i want them to feel happiness when they open it and use it, not because it’s an entrance fee
Post # 37
@MrsFutureG: I think expecting a card is reasonable. I always make a point to put a lot of thought into a card and write a nice, personalized message. I have never (and likely would never) attend a wedding without a gift though.
Post # 38
@bebero: LOL, exactly this. Maybe they should just sell tickets next time 😉
Post # 39
Before the ‘Bee, I had no idea that people spent as much as $500 on a wedding gift. Darling Husband and I give $50 per wedding, $100 if we are close, $250 if we are related (brother/sister etc.)
So if we couldn’t afford a gift, the people getting married would get movie coupons or something in a card.
Post # 40
We had a surprising number of people show up without a card. Honestly I do not care though, I am just happy that the people we cared about were there. My brother and his wife flew in from Singapore, I would never trade that for a gift or card.
Post # 41
@MrsPanda99: DH and I would absolutely attend! We would definitely bring a card though with our well wishes, if nothing else. At our wedding, we had a lot of college kids that we knew were poor and really appreciated the ones that brought just a card and wrote something in it 🙂
Post # 42
@MrsPanda99: That may be my new approach. If you question my polite, generic reason for not coming more than once, I’m just going to get real with you: “since you asked, I’m totally ‘able to attend’ your baby shower…..I just don’t *care* and that’s the real reason I’m not coming.”
Post # 43
@MrsPanda99: i would not care about gifts but if i could not afford to bring a gift to a wedding i would not attend thats just me but i would know about the event in enough time to save up for a gift/card i always give cards with $$ when i attend a wedding of $100.00 min but thats just me.
Post # 44
If I couldn’t afford to bring a gift to a wedding, I wouldn’t attend. I would be too embarrassed because I know it would be frowned upon.
I would want my guests to come if they could not afford to bring a guest. A bit of a double standard, I guess. I consider myself a lot more understanding than most people.
Post # 45
I always get the couple a congratulations card. If I’m only invited to the ceremony then I don’t gift, if I’m invited to the reception then I always buy a gift.
Post # 46
I think it’s pretty pathetic to say “I can’t afford a gift”. If you can’t afford an expensive gift, you can at least give the person something sentimental. A creative gift can be given that at least lets the couple know you care about them.