(Closed) Spin off: do you still attend if you can't afford a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 33
11463 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yes, I would, and did, and I offered an uncessary (to them) explanation as to why, because I wanted them to know. However, several months later, when I easily was able to afford to give them the gift I wanted to give, I gave it at that time.

I also had several people who attended my wedding who could not and/or did not give gifts.  Their traveling from many states away to attend our wedding and/or being a member of our bridal party was more than enough of a gift for us.

Post # 36
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I find this thread so bizarre

I’d say that a good 70% of our presents and cards came from people who weren’t invited to our wedding.

I opened my thank you note spreadsheet to check it out (because I don’t even remember it!) and out of the 35  that attended, less than 10 gave a card or a gift.

I don’t give a damn. Cards are boring and unless they’re uber special they go in a box and I’ll probably never look at them again.

Taking time out of your life to go to a wedding SHOWS support. You don’t NEED extras. Gifts are nice, appreciated, it is awesome to receive them, but they’re not a requirement.


also, the “weddings cost money” argument is bulls***. nobody forced you to have a reception and nobody forced you to invite anyone. 

a wedding is thrown by the couple because they want to. i don’t feel the need to pay for my attendance with a gift. i give gifts beacause i love the couple and i want them to feel happiness when they open it and use it, not because it’s an entrance fee

Post # 39
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Before the ‘Bee, I had no idea that people spent as much as $500 on a wedding gift. Darling Husband and I give $50 per wedding, $100 if we are close, $250 if we are related (brother/sister etc.)

So if we couldn’t afford a gift, the people getting married would get movie coupons or something in a card. 

Post # 40
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We had a surprising number of people show up without a card. Honestly I do not care though, I am just happy that the people we cared about were there. My brother and his wife flew in from Singapore, I would never trade that for a gift or card. 

Post # 41
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@MrsPanda99:  DH and I would absolutely attend! We would definitely bring a card though with our well wishes, if nothing else. At our wedding, we had a lot of college kids that we knew were poor and really appreciated the ones that brought just a card and wrote something in it 🙂

Post # 42
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsPanda99:  That may be my new approach. If you question my polite, generic reason for not coming more than once, I’m just going to get real with you: “since you asked, I’m totally ‘able to attend’ your baby shower…..I just don’t *care* and that’s the real reason I’m not coming.”

Post # 43
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@lolaswann:  +100

@MrsPanda99:  i would not care about gifts but if i could not afford to bring a gift to a wedding i would not attend thats just me but i would know about the event in enough time to save up for a gift/card i always give cards with $$ when i attend a wedding of $100.00 min but thats just me.

Post # 44
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If I couldn’t afford to bring a gift to a wedding, I wouldn’t attend. I would be too embarrassed because I know it would be frowned upon.

I would want my guests to come if they could not afford to bring a guest. A bit of a double standard, I guess. I consider myself a lot more understanding than most people.

Post # 45
5063 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I always get the couple a congratulations card. If I’m only invited to the ceremony then I don’t gift, if I’m invited to the reception then I always buy a gift. 

Post # 46
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think it’s pretty pathetic to say “I can’t afford a gift”.  If you can’t afford an expensive gift, you can at least give the person something sentimental.  A creative gift can be given that at least lets the couple know you care about them.

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