(Closed) Spin off: do you still attend if you can't afford a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have gone to a weddng without a gift …forgot the card at home.   Mailed it to the couple.  No-a gift is not expected.  In my circle of friends we would not attend if the intention was not to give a gift d/t whatever circumstances.  One can be quite frugal these days -gift baskets & crafty items,  even thrift/vintage items can be nice.  At least to put an effort in, if you dont have cash.  I always find a way to give when congratulations are in order.  

Post # 63
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I invited people not gifts to my wedding.

Post # 65
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think what would bother me the most about people who didn’t give a gift or card would be wondering if their gift or card got lost in the mail and that they think I’m incredibly rude for not thanking them. I don’t want people to think I didn’t send thank you notes!

Post # 66
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

It isn’t my guests responsibility to help cover the cost of my wedding. I will be so grateful for the gifts we do recieve, but I am not expecting anything from anyone. It’s a celebration of our commitment to each other, not a gift grab. I have never not given a gift, but I also haven’t been to any non-family weddings.

Post # 67
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

In my personal situation, there’s really no reason that I wouldn’t be able to afford a gift. Even if it is inexpensive, I’d bring something. A bottle of wine, a ring holder, a picture in a nice frame, something. I usually have a giftcard lying around somewhere so if I had no money, I would use the giftcard to buy a gift.

If I absolutely couldn’t afford one so whatever reason, I guess my attendance would depend on how close I was to the couple. If I was close, I’d go but I’d definitely offer to help set up/ clean up/ plan the wedding/ do DIY stuff/ whatever needs to be done.

If someone couldn’t afford to give me a gift, I’d still want them to attend my wedding.

 

Post # 68
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

@MrsPanda99:  I’ve given $50 before when I was in college. My point was that its better to give something than nothing at all. if you’re close enough to the person they should understand your financial situation anyhow.

Post # 69
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsPanda99:  I fully expect several people to not be able to afford gifts. I have friends with multiple kids and single incomes who will fly in for it, I have retired aunts who struggle, I have friends who are unemployed…. I would never expect any of them to give me a gift. 

On my end- I have only ever been invited to weddings of people I was very close to, so I assume they’d feel the same as I do about my guests: I just want you there! If I was invited to a wedding of a couple I wasn’t super close to and couldn’t afford a gift, I might not go. 

Post # 70
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

I don’t think I would attend if I couldn’t buy a gift. Personally I’d feel embarrassed to show up with just a card or even just a small gift. I’d rather not go.

If it was a family member it would be different as I would tell them that their gift is coming and I’d make sure I saved up for one even if it took me a few extra months to do so. 

 

Post # 71
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsPanda99:  Of course, and I would give a card. Also, I would definitely want our guests to still attend, but you better believe I expect a card no matter their financial situation,  it can be a handmade card.

Post # 72
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsPanda99:  “If the bride wants the gifts so bad, she should buy them and skip having the wedding”

SERIOUSLY. Just elope. A few people will probably send you a check to congratulate you. You end up with the money for the things you want. Then you can shut up about it!!!

Post # 73
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would find a way to afford a gift, whether it was cashing in our credit card points for a gift card, working extra hours, borrowing cash, whatever. 

Since our wedding isn’t a Destination Wedding for us, but is for most of our friends & family, we’re not expecting much in the way of gifts.  Traveling several hundred miles is gift enough.  We’re registering, but that’s mostly for the discount on unpurchased items.

Post # 74
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

I would not attend without a suitable gift unless the couple asked for no gifts.

I will decide what a suitable gift is. It will likely not be a contribution to a honeyfund, etc., and probably won’t be off a registry (I don’t believe that gifts should be specified by the receiver), but it won’t be something inexpensive either. It will be specially selected for that couple.

I think this is the most gracious way to be, as a guest.

 

Post # 75
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would still want people to attend my wedding if they couldnt bring a gift… its about celebrating with them.. not about material items… (though i think they shojuld still bring a card)

 

and yes i would attend a wedding if i couldnt give a gift… if you are only inviting people for the gifts… and assumed that i would be able to give one.. then your loss..

Post # 76
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would not attend if I couldn’t afford a wedding gift, because I have seen one too many bees bitching about not getting gifts or people cheaping out on them. If people cannot afford a gift for me, I definitely still want them to come. I don’t want gifts at all, just the people I care about sharing our happy day with us. 

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