(Closed) SPIN OFF: Does Your Male Partner "Make Lines in The Sand" for You?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Does Your Male Partner "Make Lines in The Sand" for You?

    No. My male partner never asks me not to do certain things

    Sometimes he does (explain below please)

    Yes. My male partner asks me not to do certain things (please explain those things)

  • Post # 47
    1856 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I really hate the whole ‘men just don’t think the same as women.’ I seriously call BS on that.

    Neither of us have ‘lines’ drawn for one another, outside of being respectful of our relationship (ie, speak respectfully to and about one another, being faithful, supporting one another). I don’t think it’s reasonable to dictate someone else’s behaviour because it leads so easily to disappointment. I *do* think partners should have open discussions about things that they find hurtful and find a compromise that suits their relationship the best. I think we’re each adults capable of making our own decisions and are able to judge what behaviour is reasonable.

    Post # 48
    515 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    The best I can come up with for us is “I asked him to bring his lunch container home to be washed and he didn’t do it.”

    Seriously, I don’t need to ask him not to do stuff he shouldn’t be doing. nor he of me. If anything, it’s the opposite, where I have asked him to enforce some of my own rules on myself. Like I have asked him to make sure I’m not spending a lot of time alone with another guy or things like that, but that’s my rule, not his.

    I guess I don’t really see the point of being married to someone if you have to boss them around all the time, nor do I see why anyone would want to be married to someone who bosses them around all the time. If you’re equal partners in the relationship, then there shouldn’t be a need for that kind of rule making.

    Post # 49
    387 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @kittyface:  +1 preach, lol!

    Post # 50
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    He would very much like it if i stopped Putting my wet towel on the bed after a shower.  Other than tha, I can’t think of anything 🙂

    Post # 51
    11744 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No he doesn’t, but neither do I other than don’t cheat. Honestly, if my Fiance was “into” things I didn’t want him to do, we wouldn’t have made it this far in our relationship!  

    Edit – the only thing I’ve told him he can’t do (other than cheating) is sky dive! He gets on a sky diving kick every now and then and I refuse to allow it. That was something he should have done before he got into a relationship! He actually talked about it on one of our first dates, and I told him the same thing – so as far as I am concerned, he was forewarned!!!

    Post # 52
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would say some lines he has drawn are:

    not to wear super revealing clothing because it makes him uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY around his family and friends (some of his friends are real pigs)

    Not slow dance/grind with other men

    Hanging out with/ talking to exes

    Other silly things have to do with his car but they aren’t break up worthy ones (I can’t put the bikes up on the bike rack on his car because if something happens HE wants to be the one reasonible for the damage not me) which is fine by me…less work 😀

    I have to have a job.

    It works out because its mutual.

    Post # 53
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    The difference is that I would consider his feelings and not even consider doing anything similar to the things listed in the original posts, so he would never have to say “don’t [xxxxxxx] because it would upset me” because I never would, I can tell that some things would upset him without him having to say it. Whereas he is a man and doesn’t have the same Emotional IQ and therefore needs to be told, lol. But it’s not a matter of having more rules for him, I’m sure he mentally has the same rules, I just am observant enough to figure them out without being told. Like how most women know to clean up if they pee on the seat a bit but men seem to need to be told, Lol.

    Post # 54
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @Neetch:  “I would never forbid my Fiance to do something, but I would hope that he wouldn’t do something that would hurt me to begin with. And vice versa.”

    Yeah, this is where we are too. With the exception of the occasional stupid slip-up, we just trust each other to be considerate and use good judgment. And in general, we’re both very laid-back; nobody gets worked up about exes, or strip clubs, or opposite-sex friends or any of that.

    Do I wish he would drink a little less? Sure. Am I about to start putting limits on how much, and how often he drinks, and with whom he hangs out who will encourage him to drink? Absolutely not: in OUR relationship, that would be controlling, stifling behavior.

    View original reply
    @Edelweiss:  “I guess I don’t really see the point of being married to someone if you have to boss them around all the time, nor do I see why anyone would want to be married to someone who bosses them around all the time. If you’re equal partners in the relationship, then there shouldn’t be a need for that kind of rule making.”

    100% agree!

    Post # 55
    1360 posts
    Bumble bee

    We don’t draw any lines in the sand for one another.

    We draw lines for ourselves, though.

    For example, I haven’t told him ‘not to’ have strippers at his bachelor party, but he has told me that he has no desire to have them there. Yeah, it makes me happy, but if he does end up having them, that’s fine. He brought the subject up and made it known that he doesn’t want them; I never said a thing about it.

    I won’t contact/talk to certain exes because I’m not comfortable talking to them at all, even though he’s never voiced an opposition to it. He doesn’t mind me talking to other guys or hanging out with them, but I don’t want to.

    He’s never made demands or require that I do/not do something. Likewise with me. There’s nothing I would ever feel like I needed to ask him not to do.

    Post # 56
    427 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @starbuck:  I agree with everything you have agreed with!

    I don’t personally think anyone should tell anyone what to do or not to do. We are all adults and so you should be able to make your own choices. Of course communicating the way certain things make you feel is crucial. But I honestly would feel very controlled if I was ever told what to do. I am not a child.

    Post # 57
    1462 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @kittyface:  +1

    Post # 58
    629 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    No, neither of us do. I was in a very controlling relationship for forty years. I am now able to be my own person. My husband and I took a long time to find our way back to each other. I love and respect him too much to do something I know would hurt him.

    Post # 59
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    easy reason for this… i care – he doesn’t.

    His remark is the (2nd)… he agrees mainly because he loves me and he knows i’d end him if he didn’t listen. doesn’t want to deal with the shit storm that would ensue – he knows it just isn’t worth it. thankfully those things aren’t super important to him anyway.

    And most of my requests are somehow related to other women(porn, strip clubs, hooters, etc…)

    Men just don’t have that problem – i havent heard of one woman being addicted to porn and masturbating as they stare at another man, or going to male strip clubs, and if theres a restaurant where good looking guys walk around in speedo’s and stick them in your face – then please tell me where this place is.

    Its society – its aimed toward enticing  men’s sexual tendencies. i mean advertisers know to target men just stick a hot chick with big boobs and a skimpy outfit up there and they won’t look away.

    Therefore as women in serious relationships – sometimes we just have to lay some ground rules so the men in our lives don’t do something stupid and inadvertantly hurt us. Guys have a hard time discerning these lines on their own. their taught that porn is normal and strip clubs are innocent and hooters is a “family restaurant”. If i didn’t tell him no and how i feel about them he’d prolly do something not realizing it would hurt me.

    I think my fiance has told me not to do something once… i went to a meetup group once when he was away and i told him most of the people there were single and there was one guy that was sortof trying to like ask me out…. he drew a line on that one told me he didn’t want me going out with them again. THAT i can understand. ofcourse i respected that.

    only other line is the mutual – no cheating – line.

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