(Closed) SPIN-OFF: Guest list criteria!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Our rule was that we had to hang out on a regular basis (or would hang out on a regular basis if we lived even remotely close to each other).

Post # 4
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I could never go with your first two rules, though I know it would be good criteria for others.

For one, we’re an international couple, so the vast majority of my family have not met him, and vice versa. That doesn’t mean we aren’t inviting my 11 aunts and uncles he has yet to meet.

I’ll be inviting people I haven’t seen in the last year. I live in a different town than several of my friends. We keep in touch via Facebook though.

Number 3 is solid criteria though. Seriously, if I feel awkward having a conversation with you, why would we want you at our wedding?

Post # 5
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have 1 rule. If my fiance nor myself has met you….youre not invited.   There are very few people that we haven’t met.  We have been together for 5 years.  It is mostly the people and my family wants me to invite like my moms friends, or grandmothers friends. NO!

 

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

We’re inviting most family … (immediate family, aunts, uncles, cousins – including their spouses and children, if applicable). We both come from big families which makes family guest “rules” hard to make.

We’ve cut our guest list is by not inviting children of friends, only giving plus ones to those in relationships (6 months before we send the invites) and possibly (although we aren’t certain yet) inviting coworkers without their significant others (before I get the “etiquette lecture” – I know couples come as is, but I wouldn’t be able to point out most of my cowokers’ significant others on the street! Why would they want to come to watch a stranger get married?).

Post # 7
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My vow renewal will be immediate family, my nieces, my three besties and their partners, along with cousins that I consider siblings. I am also inviting a woman who has been a mother figure for me. No other extended family or casual friends. My Mother-In-Law threw a party for us after we eloped, so the vow renewal is for my side of the family.

Post # 9
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If we followed your rules we would have four guests at our wedding. His parents, my mom, and one mutual friend that we see regularly. We live about a 2.5 hour flight away from our parents (17hour drive) so we see them maybe once or twice a year. This means that in over two years of dating I haven’t met any of his family except his parents (not even his brother) and he’s only met a small portion of mine because we went to a family wedding last Christmas. To me, your rules are extremely strict and would exlude a lot of the people we’re closest to, but don’t see just by nature of distance. Even in my bridal party I’ve only seen 2 of my 5 attendants in the last year and FI’s met three of them.

 

Post # 10
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wish I could follow your rules. There’s just no way that would happen. My parents are paying for most everything, and therefore they get to have a say on the guest list. My mom has so many relatives that I barely know, and I know Fiance hasn’t met them. 

It would be a much smaller wedding if we were following your rules! 

Post # 11
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We followed the rule that we both must have met each person and we also cut the list by saying no parents cousins, because coincidentally, we haven’t met any of them! I think over seven years of being together and living in the same country as our families is PLENTY of time to have met everyone important. 

Post # 12
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There’s no way we could follow your rules. I have a pack of girls that I work out with and chat with often and they’ve never met my Darling Husband. I see them regularly but it’s always at “girls night” type of events where Darling Husband is not invited.There goes your first rule.

In addition, my family all live somewhat far away and we’ve been so busy that we haven’t had a chance to travel. As such, I wouldn’t be able to invite my own sibling if I followed your second rule. Likewise, we have a bunch of good school friends that have moved or have been busy with their lives but we still communicate via FB/email/text. I would’ve lost at least 40% of my guests if I followed rule #2.

Lastly, I hate talking on the phone so if this was my rule, I would have all of like 10 people and it would be mostly DH’s family and work friends.

We didn’t have any hard and fast rules but it was mostly “Would you be happy to see me and Darling Husband get married?” and “Have we at least spoken to you in a conversation via text/FB/phone/email in the past year?”

Post # 13
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Lily_of_the_valley:  Wow – that would rule out my FI’s entire family, because he is from NZ and I’ve never had a chance to meet them.  The second rule would cancel out one of my closest friends (since the first day of highschool, so a bit over 15 yrs) who is a flight attendant and never around, so I rarely see her. Also rules out many friends of mine who I speak to regularly but live in hard-to-get-to places like another of my closest friends who lives in the middle of the outback, my brother who lives in Singapore, and half my family who live in France. 

I agree with the last rule though.  

Post # 14
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If we followed your first and second rule, my husband would be missing a groomsman 🙂 I haven’t met one of them, and I’m looking forward to meeting him and his wife the day before the wedding.

Our guest invite rules are kind of weird lol.

One of the two of us has to know one member of a couple we invite. So, it’s ok for me to not know some of the people he invited, and for him to not know some of the people I invited. It’s also ok if we don’t know someone’s wife/husband/fiance/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner as long as we know the other half of the couple.

If we knew someone was dating/engaged/married, we invited their significant other. We didn’t put a restriction on the length of time – it could be dating for 2 weeks, 1 month, 7 years, etc.

And our last rule was we only invited the oldest born first cousin in each family. This was the only rule we used to limit numbers and give us room to invite more friends.

Post # 15
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

my Fiance is from another country too so i’ve only met like 3 of his family members. 

 

our rule: does this person mean something to you and is this person significant enough to witness this milestone?

 

we are big on not looking back on our photos and thinking “who is that?” or looking up at someone at the reception like “why are you here?” so we did a lot of thinking before writing out the invitations.

Post # 16
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@TaurianDoll:  Exactly. I figure there will be a few of my friends’ SOs or his friends SOs that I will not have any emotional tie to, but if people are in long-term relationships we didn’t want to exclude them. Beyond that, everyone invited is significant in either of our lives one way or another.

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