(Closed) SPIN OFF: Have many Bees NEVER been cheated on?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Have you ever had a partner who was unfaithful?
    No, I have never been cheated on : (178 votes)
    57 %
    Yes, I have had one partner who was unfaithful : (71 votes)
    23 %
    Yes, I have had more than one partner who was unfaithful : (39 votes)
    12 %
    I don't know for sure, but suspect I have been cheated on : (27 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee

    I am probably biased in this case – i am 25 and have never even been broken up with. I have always been the one to initiate the breakup i guess maybe i shouldn’t even reply to this? But regardless i am interested in this too because i just dont “get” it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    littlehatjones:  Same here!  I’m 34 (have been with my fiancé on and off 12 years) and have never been dumped!  When girlfriends ask for advice on how to move on I’m always stumped…  HOWEVER, breaking up with someone who thinks they are in love with you is the WORST.  There were a few times I wish I could have turned the tables.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9042 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Miss_Mae:  I think there is a bias here but it may not be having being cheated on. I find that it is more sexist than that. Things males do get red flagged/abuse/leave him/divorce whilst same or simimlar actions in females (so bees) get condoned or worse blamed on the male (which often happens in bee cheating situations- like well he should have paid you more attention).

    There are an awful lot of examples of emotional abuse on here that get condoned because it is a bee doing it. And don’t dare call it out!

    Post # 7
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee

    Male bashing may be expected in so large a group of women, but it seems sadly ironic on a board for those planning to get married.

    Post # 8
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee

    threeblindmice:  my ex, who i was with for the greater part of 2.5 years, thought he was in “love” with me. Sometimes I still feel bad for completely ending things with him but at the same time i feel he HAS to be happier without me he just didnt realize it at the time (he was a virgin before me.) I don’t resent things that happened in our relationship anymore. I learned a lot about myself while dating him and believe everything happens for a reason.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Never cheated on that I know of and never suspected I might be.

    Post # 10
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Yep, been cheated on. The worst was when my ex slept with my best friend…and then they got married. I’ve been knowingly cheated on by 3/5 of my exes. I was also a teenager in all those relationships. 

    Thanks to my past, I don’t take shitty behavior from SO. Ive never cheated either. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2627 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

    I’ve never been cheated on, but I have been the girl that a guy cheated on his girlfriend with. Twice. I didn’t initiate.

    Guy #1 – at a party. We were flirting, one of his friends said “hey, what about your GF?” so I backed wayyy off. Later that night, he came over and kissed me and we ended up fooling around a little. I felt AWFUL the next morning.

    Guy #2 – he was a friend of a friend and was going to be passing my house. My parents were out and I was super bored so I suggested he come over. Nice guy, I knew his Girlfriend. Had a moderately pleasant (if a little awkward) evening and when he went to leave, I gave him a hug and he forced a kiss. Ugh. I so didn’t want to kiss him! I pushed him off and kicked him out of my house. When him and his Girlfriend broke up a few months later, she was upset but confessed that she kind of thought he might have cheated on her. I told her what had happened at my house and she was upset, but told me it was good to know. When he came grovelling back to her, she slapped him and told him that she knew. That one probably worked out for the best.

    Personally, I hate cheating. I’ve never done it, and I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be cheated on.

    That said, my Mum and Step-Dad met on AOL back in the 90s and they were both married at the time. Carried out an illicit affair, both had messy divorces but are still together now!

    Post # 13
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Hah.. pretty much every guy I was with before Fiance, in one way or another. It’s totally messed with my head, and I’m not terrified of the idea of cheating. Thankfully, Fiance isn’t the type of person who would ever do that.

    Post # 14
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Miss_Mae:  more like fine tuned. I’m a one and done kind of person. Once someone’s true colors shine, I don’t entertain fantasies of “changing” them. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee

    I have been cheated on once that has been confirmed.  I suspect two others.

    In the case of the confirmed cheater, he was open and honest about the fact that he had cheated on a previous girlfriend.  I figured people can change and we had such a good friendship, so I decided to give him a chance. 

    Yeah, well, he cheated on me with his ex.  She came home from college and they hung out.  He told me about it beforehand, so I figured I had nothing to worry about.   A group of our friends, him, and I were all hanging out when he checked his myspace and had a message from her saying that he was such an idiot and he needed to tell me what happened or she was going to tell me.  All of his friends went on emphatically that she was crazy and I couldn’t trust a word she said.  When I got home I had a message from her telling me that they slept together.  He had told her we weren’t together and that I was essentially a crazy girl that just couldn’t accept the fact that he didn’t like me back.  I was so confused from his friends telling me she was nuts that I didn’t really believe her.  On top of that, one of the friends in our main group was murdered.  So trying to work out if he cheated or not took a backseat to that.  At that point, I knew I needed to support him and just forget about the message. 

    In the end, the murder tore our entire group apart and him and I split up.  About 6 months later he called drunk and confessed that he really did sleep with her and was sorry. 

    He ended up marrying the next girl he dated.  On their wedding day, he messaged me to thank me for being there for him to cheat on.  Apparently he felt so guilt ridden for cheating on someone who was “so sweet” that he knew he had to change his ways before he hurt someone special again.  According to him, this made him a better man for his wife.   

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