(Closed) Spin off: have you ever been the "other woman?"

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever been the "other woman?"

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 168
    Member
    91 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @MrsPanda99:  Me too! I dated someone that was ‘single’ (apparently he was just on a ‘break’ from his girlfriend?) and she tried to get a ‘bigger’ friend of hers to beat me up. Because, you know, she couldn’t confront me herself! Nothing ever ended up happening but she had no shortage of nasty things to say about me to everyone we knew mutually (again, not enough spine to say it to my face!) They deserved each other! I guess they got back together, and then subsequently broke up for the ‘final’ time, or so I heard. Small towns.

    I laugh about it now, and I just can’t help but shake my head when I hear about someone else thinking that way. Life is so much bigger than the average scope of the typical human being… we think in terms of ‘here, now, right this second!’ rather than the longer run, when the consequences of our actions (whether good or bad) will actually affect us. I always try to step back and ask myself if it’s really worth it to put any more energy than absolutely necessary into a given situation so I’m not spinning my wheels and wasting my fuel on a part of the road where coasting is sufficient, so to speak. Save the 4-High for the uphill! (Sorry for the typos, it’s early here and I’m only on coffee #1 Embarassed )

    Post # 169
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    No, but my husband has been the other man before. Mine.

    I cheated on a physically/sexually/emotionally abusive psycho with him. Probably could have handled it better but oh well. 

    We’re married and happy now and that’s all I care about.

    “Once a cheater always a cheater” isn’t always true, it’s kind of a ridiculous saying. People grow and mature. I am different than I was when I was 21, and I’m with someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life, not someone I’m scared to leave because he’s so crazy.  

    Post # 170
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @Doodle411:  Good one, but you don’t know the specifics of my life, so don’t judge something you know nothing about. 

     

    Post # 171
    Member
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    @jellybeangreen246:  First off, I quoted a movie. Secondly, you really shouldn’t post on a wedding website about how you had an affair with a married man and not expect to get some nasty looks. No matter what you claim the situation to be, the only thing people will hear is that you are the harlot that broke up a happy home. That’s just the way the world is.

    Post # 172
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Twice. Both times in college and both guys had long term girlfriends studying abroad. The first guy, we dated for 6 months and I had no idea he had a girlfriend until he dropped off the planet. Eventually his friend told me it was because his gf of 3 years was back from Spain. They ended up getting married a year later.

    The second guy, I knew he had a gf abroad and I just didn’t care. I never felt bad about it at the time, though I expected a karma train slap in the future. I think I justified it by telling myself that I was doing her a favor. He was a jerk, made all the initiations, and I didn’t resist. I had just been dumped by someone who cheated on me, so I was working some stuff out. Those two broke up about 2 months after she got back. He had new gf a week later, someone else he was cheating with, now they’re married and I feel bad for her. Dude is bad news. 

    Post # 173
    Member
    1384 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Kind of. I voted yes, but I’ll explain the details. I knew both him and his gf since high school. She and I were both cheerleaders and she was a bitch and a half to me, but that doesn’t excuse anything and not even why anything happened. I asked him, “Are you and “insert name here” still together?” he said no. I took his word for it. As time went on, one of his friends had an interest in me but had no idea we were even hooking up, so I hung out with his as just friends and he was telling me that they were still together but without the title because the title put too much pressure on them and she was pursuing becoming a Playboy model, etc. Honestly the entire thing was kind of pathetic. It was short lived. I met Fiance 6 months later and cut ties with him. I initially started hooking up with him after getting out of a bad relationship and I just needed some attention to get over my ex. I was also not the first girl he hooked up with while with her and I wasn’t the last. Don’t know if she ever knew. I think they had a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type of relationship. They eventually came to an end, too. We were all in our early 20’s and made some dumb choices. You live and you learn!

    Post # 174
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016 - Santa Barbara Courthouse

    No, I haven’t. Absolutely not. And I can say, for certain, I never will be. 

    I consider just as wrong to knowingly be the other woman as it is to be in a relationship and cheat with the other woman. I was cheated on very young in a relationship we both considered very serious and it hurt so badly that I knew, from then on, I would never knowingly take part in cheating (as the cheater or the other woman). I just don’t think that any good can come from it. (Yes, there are some bees who married the man they were the other woman with, but that doesn’t mean his cheating or your relationship with him didn’t cause some pain along the way…)

    I just don’t understand why someone would want to be the other woman? If you really like this person, or are in love with them, can’t you wait to be with them and show respect to the person they are committed to by waiting to be with them until their relationship has officially ended?

    That’s just how I see it– I think it’s it’s incredibly disrespectful and insensitive to the other person in the relationship. How can any “other woman” deny that?

    FYI: I’m obviously only talking about other woman that are knowingly the other woman. If you don’t know that you’re the other woman, well then he’s cheating on you just as much as he’s cheating on her, in my opinion.  

    Post # 175
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

     

    View original reply
    @MrsPanda99:  I wish there was a “like” button in here!! You guys are so right – life is not so black & white! I have been the other woman and now I’m marrying him after being together for 4 years andhaving a 2 yr old together. Let’s say there was an ‘overlap’ at the end of his last marriage – but he says (and she would too if only she’d be honest) it was over YEARS before we ever met. She takes pride now in telling people that she hated the person he was years before they split – but I’m the reason for the divorce? I’m not proud of it but clearly they were WAY past their expiry and couldn’t face the truth that the relationship was dead. 

    And to those who say “it’ll happen to you & you deserve it!” well, if I ever get myself into a state where I can’t be honest about my relationship, and see the signs that it is over then I deserve it. No offence, but if you have honestly tried everything (counseling, retreats & even having a baby (this disgusts me  the very most) ) and you still hate the person you’re married to – and refuse to even talk civilly to them for years then don’t be shocked when they find happiness with someone else!

    Post # 177
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    @Excited2BeeMrs:  I totally agree…I am the “other woman.” They had a terrible marriage during which she had told people for YEARS that she wanted to leave him. But, even though they were separated when I met him, *I* am the reason for the divorce (well…he did decide to throw the d-word out there after we met..but still).

     

    No…I am not the reason. She is freaking out because she is no longer in control of him! She controlled him the whole marriage and he begged her to stay so many times then he met me and was like, wow, I don’t have to be treated like crap! this is awesome! lol

     

    Post # 178
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I dated a guy in the Navy who was married and I did not know. I met him at a bar ( I live in a Navy town). We talked and I gave him my number. He called and asked me out for Valentine’s Day. We went out for 3 weeks. Nothing went pass kissing and holding hands. we literally saw each other everyday. He talked about his ex, who was Mexican, it in passing and he said he was happy to get away from her. 

    Well we went out to eat and he showed me his ID and I remember his  last name ( complicated name and I couldn’t remember how to spell it). I went home, on cloud nine. He told me he didn’t have a Facebook. So when googled and and his Facebook came up I was surprised. I looked through his page and decided to look at his friends. the first friend I saw was this beautiful Mexican woman holding a Mexican flag with his last name. I was shocked. My heart started racing and I clicked her name. It was his wife. I was heart broken. I called him up and said ” yeah, I emailed M….. Good luck with that” I’d didn’t really do it Because I didn’t think it was my place. 

    he emailed me love letters for months and said he wanted to divorce her to be with me. I ignored them Except for one time explaining how I don’t believe in having a relationship  with married men. 

    She emailed me a year later. She saw all the emails and threatened to kill me. I told her I never responded to the emails because I respected marriage and cared about her feeling . She thanked me. 3 years later they are still a married and have 2 children… I just googled her. I wanted to ge revenge but my heart couldn’t. I could have ruined his life. 

    Post # 179
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    View original reply
    @Birdee106:  This is in no way meant to be mean or snarky, but I’m just genuinely curious: aren’t you worried about your SO cheating on you? I mean… he cheated on someone else, why wouldn’t he do it to you? Again, not trying to be snarky, I just want to see what the opinion from that side is. 

    Post # 180
    Member
    497 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I’m not into throwing stones but my thoughts on this has always been that if the man in the relationship isn’t upstanding enough to uphold the sanctity of his relationship, I would make a personal choice to not be the woman that stoops to his level and accelerates the demise of an existing relationship.

    My thought has always been that in the event that any guy that I was with decided he wanted to stoop so low, I would hope that the “other woman” would have enough dignity not to stoop low with him and afford me the same courtesy that I have afforded other ladies throughout my lifetime.

    Karma is a b*tch and I like being able to hold my head a little bit higher.

    Post # 181
    Member
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @MrsPanda99:  Yes I have, not not on purpose. I think I am an asshole magnet. It happened 5 times and every time I had no idea the guy already had a girlfriend. When I found out I was PISSED to say the least and I gave the guy an ear full about what a horrible, slutty person he is (yes, I call men sluts if they act like a slut).

     

    Then also one time, the wife thought I was the other woman (though I think she had reason because I’m pretty sure her husband was a serial cheater), but in fact we were just friends. This woman was so defeated by her marriage she let me come into her house where she lived with her husband and 5 children, let me eat dinner with her family, watch a movie in her livingroom, sleep on her couch and shower in her bathroom. Then when her huband and our mutual friend went to give me a ride home she refused to sit next to me in the car. She said “I am NOT sitting next to HER!” and walked away. I was floored and insulted. I never hung out with her husband again.

    I could never keep a clear conscious knowing I am helping someone cheat on their SO. It’s cruel. There is no reason to cheat. If you don’t want to be in this relationship you leave. And if you have no intention of leaving you keep your pants on when your SO isn’t around.

    The topic ‘Spin off: have you ever been the "other woman?"’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors