(Closed) Spin off: have you ever been the "other woman?"

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever been the "other woman?"

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 182
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

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    @mrspinesol:  No, I don’t. He didn’t go out seeking a relationship with another woman. He wasn’t bored and went out looking for some new girl to enjoy. His marriage was over, they didn’t even sleep on the same level of the house. He was unhappy and I worked for him. We always went on caterings together and we became really good friends. We became best friends and it turned into more. Nothing we were proud of but it is what it is.

    He is also a completely different man then he was. He has found Christ and doesn’t drink any more.I wouldn’t have married him if I believed the stupid ‘once a cheater always a cheater’ saying.

    Post # 184
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

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    @MrsPanda99:  🙂 Thanks, doll! People can be judgemental all they want. I’m completely fine with who I am and my marriage. My husband is an amazing man and I am so very blessed to have him.

    Post # 185
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 1993

    @MrsPanda99:  Hmmm….does asking a guy who is super nice and cute the following question count as being “the other woman?”: 

    When are you going to dump that girlfriend of yours and take me out to dinner?

    I don’t think there’s ANYTHING wrong with that — until a man/woman is married (and perhaps engaged too), I say anyone is free to chat up anyone they want.

    Fortunately, when I asked my now husband that same question 23 years ago, he said:

    “as a matter of fact we just broke up.”

    And that’s why my motto for LIFE is If you don’t ask, you don’t get! 🙂

    Post # 187
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I guess so? but we were 16 so I don’t know if that really counts, my first boyfriend, he was kinda flirting with two of us then he went ‘official’ with her but kinda carried on talking/flirting with me then he broke up with her for me and everyone knew the reason why and some people were none too impressed by this. I don’t know if this even counts really because it wasn’t physical til after they broke up. I was 16 and all of this seemed like a big deal at the time as I was convinced he was the one, it was kinda silly looking back on it I guess, me and the guy broke up after 4 months, kind of a shame he was a great guy just a very jealous one. we still talk sometimes. 8 months after we broke up I started going out with my current SO and the rest is history!

     

    Post # 188
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My Fiance was married and he was cheated on for a year before he found out. He tried to work on his relationship for 2-3 years afterwards but had a very hard time forgetting her betrayal.

    I was also in a relatinship where my ex was cheating on me. Actually I learned recently that he was doing it for majority of our 7 year relationship.

    We were both coworkers and really good friends. Talked about our issues as we were pretty much going through a similiar situation the only difference was that he was married and with two kids and I was a common law with no children. I was actually telling him to stay in his relationship and fight for it and not leave unless he is absolutelly positive that he can’t get past it.

    We started having feelings for eachother (nothing physical). I ended up leaving my boyfriend and moving on my own. He had filed for separation 3 months afterwards as well. He did tell her that he was having feelings for me and that he hasn’t been able to move on from her affair. She felt extremly guilty for the first 6 months and blamed the whole thing on herself but then she started hanging out with other divorced females which turned her into an angry B and she triggered all anger at me. 

    We’ve been together for 3 years now, getting married in two months. He is a really great father and we have the children every other week for a week due to shared custody. They tell me they love me every day and all is good despite her efforts.

    However it has been tough and deffinitelly very stresfull just because of her immaturity and just trying to make life for him and the kids difficult despite her having a boyfriend.

     

    His whole family sees him now and how happy he is. They all support us fully as they know what he went through.

    Post # 189
    Member
    1143 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Once, in high school. No, twice I guess, both in high school. The first time wasn’t anything thrilling or that I’m proud of, especially considering the guy and I didn’t talk at all after the “happening.”

    The second one was just stupid looking back, even though I swear I did nothing to initiate it. My friend, B, was dating this guy, K. I used to hang out with B and K and other friends on the weekends, and I was friendly to all (in fact B and K were trying to set me up with one of K’s friends at the time). Then one day out of the blue, while B and I were at the mall, K texts her that he liked me more, even though I had never spent any extra time with him, on the phone or in person or anything.

    They ended up breaking up, then the next week I, for whatever reason, hung out with K on my own, and we dated for maybe a month before he did the same thing to me. I’m actually kind of glad he did though, because my friendship with B was MUCH more important than any relationship with K, who is a “serial dater/player.”

    Post # 190
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Absolutely not. If a guy was interested in me (and I felt the same) he would have to end his current relationship before I would have anything to do with him.

    Years ago I met a fantastic guy, we had a ton in common and I would have totally been romantically interested, but found out he was married. Which he only told me after 4 or 5 platonic, but flirtatious convos. At that point it was a “friends only” situation and I was very straight forward about it and even told him I wasn’t interested because I felt a bit skeeved out that he was (very obviously) demonstrating a crush on me. From then on I made a point to ask about his wife during any conversation. 

    Later on I found out he had a history of this sort of thing – I don’t think he actively cheats but developes fascinations/crushes on other women. Most of the others were online only and I think that preventtheim from actually cheating, but wondered if that would change if the women lived close by or were less unbending than I was.

    I’m happily married now and still have longdistance occasional contact with him. He has some amazing qualities and I value his opinion on matters in my field – but I still feel terrible that he spends time developing fixations on women other than his lovely wife – even if it’s never been a physically cheating situation the emotional is almost as bad. Im pretty sure his wife is aware of some of his shenanigans to some degree, but has chosen to forgive him/live with it – maybe because it’s not descended to IRL physical cheating. 

    Post # 191
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Yes, he was my boss, in his second marriage and totally hot! I had no idea he was married when it all started but I had no intention of cutting it of when I did find out. I was young, I was looking for fun and we had fun! It was more about getting the validation that I could get what I wanted, and at that time, I wanted him. 

    His wife found out, the shit really hit the fan! He wanted me to tell her that it was all my fault, and that I send the e-mails she found because I was stalking him….HA! NO, you d*ckhead, you fix this! I called her the next day to explain shit, they got divorced about 6 months later and he is now in his 5th marriage! I guess for him the saying does apply! 

    Honestly, not proud of it but I don’t feel horrible about it either, HE made the choice to begin with…it happend, I’m about to marry the love of my life…If people judge me for this…so be it…

    Post # 192
    Member
    3083 posts
    Sugar bee

    @MrsPanda99:  Yes I have been, although I didnt technically know I was – I didnt help the situation either though.

    I began a new job and quickly made friends with everyone. One of my new friends told me about his recent break up and a few of us took him out for drinks. Over the next couple weeks we hung out ALOT and he told me he had feelings for me.

    They recently had a child together, so i didnt want to get in the middle of anything. I made it extremely clear that if there was any chance of them getting back together I didnt want to get involved and break up a family. He swore up and down there was no chance, but still – i should have backed off.

    He turned out to be a lying, cheating, emotionally abusive a-hole. a year and a half later I messaged his ex to let her know to change her email password (as he constantly checked it) she told me when they really broke up (over a text message by the way!!) and it was after we began seeing eachother. She met someone else who seemed to be a better father figure so maybe it turned out for the best but yep, that was me. What a mistake.

     

    also as far as i know, he has not seen his child since.

    Post # 193
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2005 - Grand Ole Opry

    I was the other woman once.  Fresh out of college, starting my career, young and naive, I was absolutely swept off my feet by a very attractive, suave, older man.  He never wore a ring and silly girl that I was thought that meant he wasn’t married.  Once I found out though I broke it off.

    Post # 194
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Nope never. There are very few things that are grey in life and most only becomes that way because our personal wants interfere with what is actually right in that situation, a denial so to speak. Technically speaking cheating is having a relationship with someone who is married, that’s it. Not they’re almost broken up, the relationship died years ago, etc. these are excuses we use to justify getting what we want even though its wrong. I could never be that person because even though the person is the one breaking his/her commitments I’m voluntarily helping, just as someone who helps a thief or murderer also gets charged in the court of law (Although the blame is definitely more so on the cheating partner than thother her woman/man) I value a person who has the morality and strength to admit a failed relationship, break it off and live alone for a while because it was the right thing to do, not the scared person who waits for a lifeline to then admit failure leaving the other person blindsided and completely alone. This is merely my view point.

    Post # 195
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    MrsPanda99

    In a way yes. I was 18 my dad just died. no excuses. my mom was kind of a little nuts at the time. and i moved out at 17. next door to her but still.  i grew up in a town of 600 ppl. no roads or anyways out besides boat of plane. after idk two week binger , i went to a party. first time i ever went to one where i was the only girl. (stupid idea!!!!!!) made out with a married guy. i knew he was married. he was 30 or seomthing. and he started pouring out his problems about her.  we made out pretty much blacked out. He was my super crushes cusin. :/ he walked me home and tried to come in but i wouldnt let him. i was only a girl. well some one at the party told everyone. in town!! till one day i get a call from her. his wife. who was convinced i slept with him. and why she was the last one to know. i felt terrible. thing is i knew her. after it happened i kept it a secret but then she befriended me. it was terrible. so we had hung out and she kept saying i pretended to be her friend. and how it had to be more than once and that we must have had sex. It eventually blew over but once people heard stupid rumors i had friends dads hitting on me. it was messed up. i realized how many pigs there were in my town. Me and my friend were berry picking and she and like four of her 30something year old friends stopped all wasted and bitched me out for good that day. Worst thing i would say ive ever done to anyone….especially since at the time i didnt even really know what i was doing…not really. I still feel horrible for it!!! I wasnt the first girl he cheated on he with. Years later she cheated on him, with a 21yr old and they divorced. I still feel awful but i went back home some time and had a drink with her. you never know where life will lead you.

    please dont throw stones at me either

    Post # 196
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

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    @Birdee106:  I wasn’t being judgemental! I’ve just never known an “other woman” and I wanted to know what that side of the situation thought/felt.

    The topic ‘Spin off: have you ever been the "other woman?"’ is closed to new replies.

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