(Closed) Spin off: have you ever been the "other woman?"

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Have you ever been the "other woman?"

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 32
    Member
    394 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Yes, but I didn’t know until later. Basically this guy and I were seeing each other, but no label or anything. He brought up the discussion of what we were/our exclusivity in a really crude and offensive way that was really out of character. (I don’t remember word for word what he said, but it was attune to, “just so you know, i’m still f*cking other bitches”) and I was like uhhh excuse me? lol. I didn’t care that we weren’t exclusive since I wasn’t looking for that, but I did care about him talking to me that way and refering to myself and other women as “bitches”. I sent him a long text basically saying how disappointed I was and that he really isn’t who I thought and I had no interest in seeing him again. I was really irked by how he behaved and something seemed to be up, so I decided to look at his facebook (we were fb friends, but I don’t really look at people’s profiles generally) and saw him tagged in a bunch of pics with a girl starting from before we started seeing each other up until I cut off communication. These were kissing pics, couple pics, not just harmless friendly things lol and she refered to him as her boyfriend. He actually tried to contact me last month and he is now married to this girl (didn’t mention that, but it was on his facebook). Super skeezy lol. 

    Another thing I’m not so proud of – when I turned 21 I had gotten out of a really bad 4 year relationship and kind of went a little crazy trying to play catch-up for the years I had “lost”. During this time I would have a lot of one night stands/pickup guys from bars. I basically acted like a frat guy. Anyway, I hooked up with this guy one night and then a couple days later saw him at the mall with a wife and kid! Kind of made me reconsider some of the decisions I was making. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    In college I was an unknowing other woman. One of his friends let it slip a few months in that he had a serious gf at home. That was it for me, I completely ended things. He ended up going on to marry her. I still feel bad even though I didn’t know. I also hope (for her) that he has changed now that he is older and married.

    Post # 34
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

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    @MrsPanda99:  Thanks for the support. I completely adore you.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4438 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @MrsPanda99:  So many times I couldn’t even count….

    Post # 36
    Member
    4522 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @MrsPanda99:  Exactly: especially when that someone new is 15 years younger than BOTH of them. That way, she can add “with a younger bimbo” to her “he cheated on me” story *eyeroll*. For as much as I’ve been accused by her of being the other woman, I should have jumped his ass alot sooner 😉

    KIDDING, I promise.

    Post # 37
    Member
    3038 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    @MrsPanda99: Oh it was awful – I really dislike TV shows that make it look like it’s exciting to have an affair. It was nothing but horrid. I happened to be with my Fiance the moment he got the phone call that she was in hospital (she was on a sports trip and had a bad fall) and it was utterly heartbreaking on so many levels.

    Today I wish we would have done a few things differently, but all in all I think we’ve all handled the situation as grown ups. I think it’s fantastic that they have been able to maintain their friendship and that she and I get along as well.

    One thing all of this have taught me, is to be less quick at judging other peoples decisions/actions. You never know what’s behind it all.

    Post # 40
    Member
    4522 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @eocenia:  
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    @Birdee106:  

    As you both know, these things aren’t always so black and white when you find yourself in that situation you thought you’d NEVER be in:

    Several years ago, I dated a guy pretty seriously for 8 months at the end of college, when one day he told me he just wanted to be single. I took it super well, and was just happy he was honest. Not a few DAYS later, he was in a FB official relationship *with my best friend who set us up in the first place*. I was fucking FURIOUS, because it didnt take a rocket scientist to figure out what had been going on all along, and as I did more research my suspicions were confirmed.

    I called them both up and just tore the hell into them about what awful people they were and how I hoped they burned in hell. A month later they were engaged and married shortly after.

    I obviously didnt speak to her for years, but in the last 2 she has tried to salvage the friendship. Everyone thinks I’m an idiot, but we are friendly now and communicate online pretty regularly.

    When it all went down, I couldnt believe that they were going behind my back and I thought she was nothing but a homewrecker and he was a dog…but as time went on, and I moved on, it became clear they were in love probably before I ever was in the picture. It probably wasnt an easy situation for them, and I’m glad they are happily married.

    Post # 41
    Member
    4522 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @MrsPanda99:  LMAO, if by “wife” you mean “girl he saw once every 2 weeks” :-p

    Post # 43
    Member
    4522 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @MrsPanda99:  Sounds like it!

    Post # 44
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Yes.  TWICE.  

     

    With the first, I had absolutely no clue.  None whatsoever.  It took me creeping his Facebook page for funsies one day to figure it out.  Technically Asshole and I weren’t really in a relationship, though he liked to pretend we were in an open one.  But whatever it was, it was beyond fucked up, I was tired of his shit and this was the last straw.  I stopped talking to him; I told him whatever we had was over and blocked him on Facebook and on my phone.  Didn’t stop him from trying to text me later, even when he knew I had moved on.

    With the second, I was under the impression that the relationship was over and that P was only living with his gf because he was very poor and couldn’t afford both rent and college.  Turns out, he was planning to marry her but wanted to see more before he actually got married.  I was going through some severe depression at the time and he had escaped his abusive father and hadn’t had much of a life before then.  This was a few years ago; I was pissed at him for a very long time, but he sent me a huge-ass apology over Facebook (we had several mutual friends, none of whom knew what was going on).  Now I just feel really bad for him– he did make some huge mistakes, but I think if he hadn’t been so restricted and mistreated growing up he wouldn’t have made the choices he did and hurt so many people in the process.  

     

    What did I learn from all this?  Low self-esteem makes you do some crazy shit, and settling for the first guy who is nice to you is a very bad idea. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

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    @Birdee106:  I’m sorry.  I wasn’t aiming my comment at you.  I read what you wrote and it reminded me of the times I’ve heard it IRL.  Some “other women” really feel they have the inside scoop on cheating because they’ve done it and when they brag about it I wanna smack them.  Lol.  I totally get sarcasm….but some people really do think that way and I think it sucks.

    Post # 46
    Bee
    1433 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

    When I was 18, I was the other woman without my knowledge.  I was dating a guy for about 2 months and he totally swept me off my feet – then I found out he had a girlfriend.  Who looked like she could be my older sister (dude had a serious TYPE).  I told her, they stayed together, but she would contact me maybe 1X a year saying she felt he was cheating again and was it with me?  (NO.  lol). 

    Then, when I was out wedding dress shopping – I was literally on the STEPS of the dress store, he grabbed my arm from behind and tried to talk to me, saying he wanted to see me *AGAIN* saying he wasn’t with her anymore.  Jesus. Talk about timing. 

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