(Closed) SPIN OFF: having feelings for other men…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you at any point have feelings for another person while engaged?
    Yes : (62 votes)
    27 %
    No : (171 votes)
    73 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    1377 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @CookieCreamCakes:  I agree with everything in this post.

    I think it’s risky to say “I and/or S/O will never have feelings for another person, ever.” Crushes happen, attractions happen. Relationships that are new and shiny now won’t always seem that way 15 years down the line when one kid got in trouble at school, one kid has the flu, your spouse might get laid off, the washing machine just broke and the dog threw up on the brand new carpet. 

    THAT is when the coworker, who brings no misbehaving kid woes/job instability woes/dog puke woes, into your coffee break chats, starts seeming especially enticing. 

    But if you have already acknowledged the possibilty of a crush and have a plan in place to deal with a crush, you’re one step ahead of the crush…and you can nip it in the bud before it does any damage to your marriage.

    Post # 63
    Member
    5870 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t think that being in a committed relationship means you’ll never develop a crush on anyone ever again.  I would hope it doesn’t happen all the time!  But if it happens occasionally and you react to it appropriately, it doesn’t mean your uncommitted.

    Post # 64
    Member
    303 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Some guys sometimes catch my eye.. They usually have a cute smile or something (most of the time they are in movies lol).. But that is it.. I just look and think “he’s cute”.. I never even feel like i would like to pursue it more than that ( when it is someone not in movies) No guy seems interesting enough to me anymore (has been that way since i started going out with my current FI).. It is like everyone else evaporated..

    I know my Fiance isn’t the best looking man or the best built but i chose him for more than just his looks.. The emotional bond we have is so surreal.. I am overly satistfied with my choice and my life with him!

    I committed to him when we got engaged, and will always be committed just to him..

    Post # 66
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    This isn’t something I really understand, perhaps because I view attraction differently to a lot of people. I’ve always been able to look at an attractive man or woman and say “my, what an attractive person”. But that does not mean that I am attracted to them. The only people I have been attracted to are people I know and have something in common with. Therefore, the only people I could possibly be attracted to other than DH are my friends.

    Well, if I was attracted to one of my pre-meeting-DH friends, I would be with them rather than him. The fact I’m not says to me that there wasn’t so much there to begin with. If I felt attracted to one of my post-meeting-DH friends, I would stop seeing them as much and concentrate on my current relationship, because I would assume that there was clearly something missing from my marriage which would have allowed me to fixate on someone else.

    Simples.

    PS And no… I haven’t been attracted to anyone else during my 7+ year relationship with DH. I have seen plenty of people who are attractive, and have had moments where I thought “mmmm, that thing you’ve just done is really hot”, but I’ve never fantasised about them, or wanted them, or anything like that.

    Post # 67
    Member
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I constantly judge other men by my DH and dont often find they measure up so I dont have that problem. I even secretly feel like my husbands problems are better than other men’s. But then, im still in the honeymoonstage….but then, we have been together for nearly 4 years.

    Post # 68
    Member
    2810 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @CookieCreamCakes:  This x100000000!

    For the first 4-5 years, sure, I only had eyes for DH, but after 10 years together, you kid of fall out of that “head-over-heels,” “I’m so crazy about you” stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my DH more than I can ever describe, but our relationship has matured to a different level.
    I have, more than once, developed attraction to other people. It’s normal. You don’t magically lose your ability to become attracted to other people when you say “I do.” The difference is, you’ve made  a choice to be committed to somone else, therefor you don’t act on those feelings.

    I also agree that my DH will probably, at some point, become attracted to other women. I don’t care, as long as he doesn’t act on those feelnigs.

    Furthermore, I find that becoming attracted to other people, helps me re-energize my relationship. I just take my lusty feelings for other people out on my Dh 😉

    Post # 69
    Member
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @Laurenskii:  Real feelings?  No…I love my DH and I know we are perfect together. Of course I’m going to look at other guys, just like my DH looks at other women.  I do sometimes have sexual dreams about exs and male co-workers, but I would never act on it in real life.   

    Post # 70
    Member
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @CookieCreamCakes:  totally agree! It actually annoys me when women claim their SOs dont masturbate.  Humans are sexual beings, and masturbation is a part of life.

    Post # 71
    Member
    2890 posts
    Sugar bee

    I voted no, because your question clearly stated the ”for the rest of your life” and I couldn’t disagree more. That’s not the point of my engagement with my fiancé, even though I never look at other men, I don’t even notice them, I am fully and completely committed and head-over-heels in love with him. But I will never swear, not even on our wedding ceremony, anything that has to do with ”forever”. I am taking an oath as to honour our relationship, work to make it strong, work to make it last, yes. But it doesn’t garantee anything, surely not ”forever”. Takes two to tango. It is a possibility than one day, one of us doesn’t feel right in the relationship anymore. It can be me, it can be him. Although I expect from both of us to try our best to sort our issues, maybe we won’t be able to, and will have to separate. That’s not what I want, but I’m allowing us both to consider it a possibility, and that we will never be ”trapped” in a marriage until one of us dies. 

     

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