(Closed) Spin off: How much should speeches be about your friendship vs the couple?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

In my opinion, stories told about the speach giver’s relationship to the bride/groom should be tied to an overarching message about the couple.  The wedding, of course, is about the couple.

Post # 4
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HonoraryNerd:  I think the speech should be primarily about the person you know closer, concluding with a little bit about their relationship with their spouse. The way I figure it, one person makes a speech about the groom (usually the best man), and one makes a speech about the bride (usually the Maid/Matron of Honor or father of the bride). If you’re the Maid/Matron of Honor, you can tell a teenage story about the bride but you’re pretty unlikely to know a teenage story about the groom, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Leave it to the Best Man to tell a funny story about the groom.

However, speeches should be about the bride (or groom), not the speech giver’s relationship with the bride (or groom). I’ve seen draft speeches which are just as much about the Maid/Matron of Honor (or best man) as they are about the bride (or groom) – and that’s better avoided.

Post # 6
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@HonoraryNerd:  I hate speeches in general. Eh, maybe hate is too strong but I find speech time the perfect time to get up and go to the bar. Unless the speeches are super funny, IMO no one really cares for more than 5 minutes. Some speeches just drag ON and I’m like omgsh wrap it up already.

IF we have any speeches at our wedding, which I don’t think we will, I’ll make sure they’re short and tell whomever that I’d prefer if they mention us as a couple for more than just an ending one liner.

Post # 7
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

I think the speech should reflect the couple. <those are the best. But  don’t feel any kind of way if they don’t. Not everyone is a great writer. 🙂

Post # 8
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think more about the person, with an end sort of spring board to how they are as a couple. You can tell a cute little story about the person when they were young – usually showing how they have grown, or how the relationship answers some aspect of their young lives. It is a picture of now and then, tying past to present, and looking to future.

I think, given that a maid of honour or best man are not likely to know much about the opposite spouse, if every speech were mostly about the couple, they’d end up being very general and ambiguous, more of a “love is so great” cliche than a personal speech.

Post # 9
2894 posts
Sugar bee

I would be happy about either one. Of course, I would expect my friends to make an extra-effort to include their thoughts about my husband (they like him, they see he makes me happy, etc.). But I can understand that sometimes in life, you don’t always get to know that much somebody’s SO. Better friendship speeches than none at all !

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