(Closed) Spin-Off: Invites for Cousins, All or Nothing??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it OK to choose your guests based on the people instead of your family relationship?
    Nope. You invite all your cousins or none of them! : (7 votes)
    22 %
    Sure, family are people too. You pick which friends get invites, pick which family members too! : (14 votes)
    44 %
    Sometimes - but only certain family relationships (please explain) : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Only if someone is estranged/incarcerated/has a restraining order ... or other unpleasant issue : (7 votes)
    22 %
    Other... we like other options. Please comment! : (2 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think that degree of relationship is a more valid determinant then level of blood relation.

    Post # 4
    6247 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 1900

    For us, family is family and all family is invited… unless there is some sort of issue like going through a divorce or something. 

    Post # 5
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I was not invited to my cousin’s (second) wedding and I was upset about it for years.  There was never any explanation of why — first he invited only my brother and one other cousin, who he apparently was closest to, then he broadened it and invited the cousins who were “local.”  I lived four hours away and happened to be home that weekend…

    Now that I’m married, I understand a lot better, but not “making the cut” was pretty hurtful at the time.  I didn’t invite any cousins at all to my wedding, to me that was much easier than picking and choosing.  Smile

    Post # 6
    4477 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think the 8+ years of no contact’s a good place to draw the line.  The other cousins should get an invite, but you shouldn’t be obligated to invite people you barely know just because they’re cousins.  Especially if it means cutting out friends you care about.

    Post # 7
    13249 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it depends on your family dynamics.  If I hand-picked a few cousins to invite, it would cause major drama in my family.  They would see it as favoritism, even if I hadn’t seen the particular cousin in years.  But it depends on how your family would see it! 

    Post # 9
    1274 posts
    Bumble bee

    I agree that it definitely depends on the closeness/relationship to cousins but in some families, it’s difficult to invite a few and not all. If you feel comfortable inviting a few and it won’t cause too much of a kerfuffle do it up! It’s your wedding day. You don’t want to be re-introducing yourself to cousin Eddie that you only met once when you were 4 on YOUR wedding day. 

    My situation is that my dad’s side of the family there are about 20ish cousins. 16 of whom are old enough to invite a date/bf/gf or are living with their SO. Soo that is potentially 36 extra people to add to my guest list. 1 cousin is a bridesmaid and her younger sister is invited as we felt it would be weird to have her sister in the wedding party but NOT to invite her. I am hoping the backlash of this isn’t too bad. All aunts and uncles are invited, just not their kids besides the two cousins mentioned above. 

    3 of the other cousins are on Facebook, 1 of them said congratulations when we got engaged. The other 2 are sort of snooty and I’m not very close to the rest of them. So I just pray that everyone will understand come time for invites to be sent out. 


    Post # 10
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Since we both have such a small amount of cousins all of them were invited – that’s first cousins. Second cousins, I don’t even know half of them! My mom’s first cousins were invited and two of my dad’s first cousins were invited.. but my father in law has a brother he doesn’t speak to, my mother in law has a sister she doesn’t speak to (she lives in a treehouse – don’t ask) and my grandmother has a brother she doesn’t speak to.. I think the degree of relationship should be a factor. My mom is close to a lot of family and they all were invited and my husband’s family and my father are close with less of theirs and less of their family was invited. 

    Post # 11
    28 posts

    I will invite the cousins I am close to and leave the ones I barely see off the list. 

    Post # 12
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I chose green, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable not inviting all my cousins because of our close relationship. I’m not inviting a couple who live in MX and probably can’t travel. I’m also close to my aunts, uncles and cousins so I want them there. 

    Post # 13
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I have cousins that I cannot stand, but they are invited, bc they ARE family and if i invite one I have to invite all…. But my family is crazy and they hold grudges so it’s worth it to invite 5 people I dont like all that much, just to avoid a fight with my grandmother.

    Post # 14
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think the only fair thing to do is to either invite all of the cousins or none at all.. I had to go through this and I knew that picking and choosing would cause MAJOR MAJOR drama… so I decided since I have a million 1st cousins… I invited none of them. The ones I’m close to understand and I got my favorite cousin invited because she’s part of the wedding party. 

    BUT it’s your wedding so do whatever you want. Just be prepared for the response of your family. I’d just rather not deal with drama 😀 

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