(Closed) Spin Off: Is It Materialistic to Want Your SO to be Willing to Spend on You?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it has to depend on too many individual variables to make a general judgement. 

Post # 4
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Lemma: My biggest concern with the ring was that I wanted it to be a smart purchase – which is ultimately why I chose to trade in my first stone. I felt like we were spending OUR money, and I wanted it to be spent wisely. I actually hated this part – I would have been happier with a ring that was not entirely my style but that he’d picked out himself – because I hated knowing the numbers.

That having been said, Fiance definitely told me when we were approaching the limit of what he was willing to spend.

I know to him, the ring is entirely a symbol. He just wanted me to like it.

Post # 5
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Lemma: My fiance only had to pay for my ring to be resized and valued, but I occasionally ask him what he would have been willing to spend on it. I’m willing to admit that it’s a little materialistic, but then what he was willing to spend, while a lot to me, is still pocket change in comparison to what a lot of rings on here cost!

Post # 7
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Lemma: I’m very glad he didn’t have to. It’s meant we can have a really fabulous wedding without too much worry about costs.

Post # 8
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have no idea what my ring cost and it has not had any impact on our marriage whatsoever.  It is more important to me how he handles our finances on a daily basis.

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

1. I wanted him to have put some thought into it, which meant that he should have saved up some money beforehand that he was earmarking for a ring.

I do not think that putting thought into it necessarily means putting money away – sometimes there are just other things in life that have to be put before a jewelry purchase. It is important to me that he pays attention enough to know things like what cut I prefer.

 

2. I wanted him to BE WILLING TO spend a lot on it. I told himthat the best case scenario would be if he was willing to spend X amount and then found that the perfect ring was much cheaper than that. 

I’m sorry, but yes, I do find that line of thinking to be materialistic. Why does he have to be willing to spend a lot? Of course you don’t want him to go buy the least expensive thing out there just because it’s cheap, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s reasonable to practically require him to look at rings that cost a ton of money. Really, I don’t think it bodes well for your financial future either. Rings can cost ridiculous amounts of money – money that could be spent on things like down payments on a car, a house, an emergency fund, fixing things around the home that break. I guess the bottom line is just that I find it materialistic to expect your guy to spend a ton of money on you. Comes across like you need him to prove his love to you with money, and that doesn’t sit right with me.

Post # 13
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it depends on your SO’s personality and financial situation. I would be hurt if he spent a lot of money buying things for himself and wasn’t willing to spend on me. However, if I knew he was frugal all around, I wouldn’t expect anything different.

I think people get hurt when they have unfair expectations and their SO doesn’t live up to them.

Post # 14
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Lemma: I’m the money handler too. I keep a track of all of our bank accounts so we can make sure not to end up in overdraft for silly things.

Post # 15
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yes, I admit that I wanted him to be willing to spend a good amount on my ring, as it will be THE most important and expensive item I will ever wear. I didn’t have a set amount that I wanted him to spend as a minimum, but I had a style in mind of what I wanted, and that came at a certain price. He originally gave me a budget he was willing to spend, but he wanted to get me a diamond that was at least 2 carats. After seeing how much diamonds and gold really cost, he raised his budget (without telling me) and realized that I won’t get a stone that big which was obviously totally fine with me. I am extremely beyond thrilled about what he bought me and would have been happy to have received something that cost 1/10th of what he spent, but I know how much he cared about giving me a “wow factor” ring and he really did give me one.

My thought is that I will wear this ring for THE REST OF MY LIFE. Neither he nor I wanted to get a cheap ring now and upgrade later, so he spent a good amount of his savings on something that will last me a lifetime. If we live for 50 years after we are married (til death do us part), The cost of my ring per day will be less than 40 cents… haha that’s really not a lot.

 

ETA: He and I both have full time salaried jobs, no kids, and a good amount in savings. The only debt we have is a little bit left of my student loans (he doesn’t have student loans, a car payment, and neither of us have any credit card debt), so he had a good amount in savings and he WANTED to spend a lot on my ring because that was a purchase he was planning and saving for.

Post # 16
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I just thought of this… my Darling Husband worried about our e-ring because he thought it was too small and he would be judged by it.  I have my grandmother’s engagement ring from the 1920’s and I adore it!  So much love and history.  But it is small.  I think he would have bought a big ring just b/c of the pressure on the man to do so… which would seem a waste to me, as I’m not that into being sparkly.  Not that there’s anything at all wrong with sparkly!  Just not my comfort zone.  He bought us a house.  That was a great engagement gift.

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