Spin-Off: Must gifts be from the registry?

posted 8 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It depends on the person I’m giving to so I do both. Some of the best wedding gifts we received were off-registry……….

Post # 17
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee

I pretty much always buy something on the registry for weddings and baby showers, partly out of laziness, partly cause I know I’m getting the recipient something they want. 

I had a decent number of people go off registry for my wedding and baby shower, though I don’t think for any “big ticket” items. It was NBD. I would have found it odd if someone bought me something expensive like a stroller that wasn’t the one I registered for, but I wouldn’t have made a big stink about it either…I’d prob just quietly return it and get the thing I actually wanted.

Post # 18
Member
3882 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

A registry is a list of suggestions, not demands. That being said I almost always go off the registry unless I’m giving cash, or the registry was small and everything has already been purchased 

Post # 19
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I always buy off registry because I have no imagination and it guarantees they want it. The exceptions are if their registry only has super expensive items on it, or I strongly suspect they put stuff on there just for the sake of it. I sometimes buy the registry item from a non-registry shop if I know I can get it cheaper.

We got a few items we didn’t ask for at our wedding. One was something I’d admired at a friend’s house, so that was great. The others were mostly nice – wouldn’t have been my choice but we’ve found a use for them and think fondly of the giver.

One gift (personalised wall decor) was tacky and hideous. It’s truly awful. I put it on the wall as a joke and now it’s become a feature! Having said that, someone else since then has got us something similar (not personalised) and that’s going to be regifted asap…. 

Post # 20
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

It’s always up to the gift giver to decide. Thoughtful gift givers typically choose from the registry.

Post # 21
Member
7624 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
temeculabride :  I am admittedly an awful gift giver and I get very stressed out for gift giving occassions. Due to that, I always stick to the registry.

However, I would not be upset if someone went off registry and a few of my favorite gifts were off registry. Granted, if it’s something I already have or won’t use I won’t hesitate to donate it.

Post # 22
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

We live in a small apartment and both our wedding registries and our now baby registry are small and specific to our space needs. We purposely didn’t put a huge traditional kitchen aid mixer on our wedding registry and one of my parents family friends got it for us anyways. Their card implied they knew better than us and that every woman needed one in their kitchen. I found it slightly sexist as if every wife needs to cook enough to need that equipment and that they knew better than us and felt we needed it. It sits in storage. 

Baby registries like other posters said, should be stuck to for main ticket items because parents do their research. I’ve done extensive research on our items and their features and chose them specifically. Also for our small apartment. I’m well aware however that we will be getting a ton of cute baby items from people who are excited. That’s fine with me as whatever we don’t want we can easily donate or exchange. That’s normal. To get clothing and small items you don’t want. But I’ve never seen anyone have the guts to give expectant parents a different brand of a big ticket item just because they thought they new better. I think most people know that’s super rude and pushy. 

As for myself I always buy stuff for people on their registry and then add a touch if I know them really well. For my SIl I got her the diaper bag she wanted, filled it with smaller items on her registry and then added cute clothes I found online from a brand I knew she likes in styles I knew she would like. I also included receipts. Especially for moms I want to be as helpful to them as possibly because it’s a hard time being a new mom. To me that’s gifting them what they want and making it as stress free as possible.
A good example of helpful vs. selfish masquerading as helpful would be this: Helpful- arranging a dinner delivery of couples choice to their home when they have a new born. Not helpful- showing up at their home with food and going inside and asking to hold baby/ see baby “help” with baby. 

Post # 23
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee

I usually give a check for weddings and something on the registry for baby showers. 

I think it’s fine to go off the registry and you feel like you really know the couple. However, with big ticket items, I think it can be rude. For our baby shower I put a lot of thought into what I registered for and made sure to chose items that were all different price ranges and could easily be found. I put a lot of must haves like diapers, wipes, baby medicine, baby personal hygiene and larger items like crib and stroller. I’m still shocked by the number of people who just got us a ton of clothes all in newborn or 0-3 month sizing. Unfortunately I had to return a lot of the clothes because it was just too much! I only got one pack of diapers! 

Post # 24
Member
818 posts
Busy bee

Idc as much about wedding registries but when it came to my baby registry I didn’t want any big ticket items from anyone unless they were on my registry as we did extensive research into the products we wanted for our baby. Things we didn’t register for, unless they were clothes or blankets, were exchanged for things we did register for (but a gracious thank you note was sent upon receipt of the gift)

Post # 25
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
temeculabride :  I always buy something from the registry. But sometimes if it’s a close friend I add something extra that’s personalized and not on the registry. When one of my close friends was pregnant, I bought her a personalized children’s book that had her and her son’s name throughout and she reads it to him! 

Now that I have a baby registry, I appreciate people who have used it to select their gift. I have put a lot of thought into it. There’s a few people who for whatever reason insist on buying me baby stuff that I don’t want and I don’t understand it since they could have spent the same money or less on something from the registry. I will just end up regifting the stuff or giving it away. 

Post # 26
Member
13649 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Not only is it perfectly acceptable, tradititional etiquette actually frowns on asking for gifts or sharing a wish list at all. More liberal etiquette is OK with it, and they are obviously very popular. 

That said, I usually give an engagement or shower gift from the registry if there is one, and write a check for the wedding. But there are times when there’s nothing left at a price point I’m interested in. 

Post # 27
Member
1790 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

View original reply
temeculabride :  when it comes to wedding stuff, i try to stick to the registry or even a gift card/money. 

For baby stuff, i go with the registry and also gift card to the place they did the registry cause people i know, including myself, felt RELIEVED having those gift  cards for when the baby needed diapers, or new diapers due to allergies, or new formula due to again allergies. It was a relief 

Post # 28
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’ve never seen a registry – I’m not sure whether they aren’t that popular in the UK, or it’s the more recent trend for almost exclusively cash gifts.

When present buying generally, if I know the recipient wants something specific and it’s within my means, I’ll always do that before considering cash or a gift entirely of my choosing.

Post # 29
Member
3513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Serious question. For context, I’m in the UK where baby showers are still quite new and gift lists for them uncommon … why do you expect others to buy your pram or cot etc? You say you research and decide the one you want so why don’t you just buy it yourself? 

I know in some circles the grandparents offer to buy the pram.

Post # 30
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
Twizbe :  parents buy anything on their registry that’s left over that no one else buys them. I don’t know anyone who put stuff on their registry that they couldn’t afford to buy themselves. If no one got us anything off ours we could easily buy it all ourselves. At least in the US people will ask you for your registry if they are close enough to the couple to want to gift you something. Even if there is or isn’t a shower. And yes usually grandparents on each side gift the bigger items. But it’s still on the registry for them to do so if they choose to. My mom and my aunts who I am very close with are going in together on getting me my baby carrier/ stroller. And my husbands grandparents have a tradition of buying cribs for the grandkids. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors