Spin off: no children/kids weddings

posted 4 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I also don’t have any kids, but IMO, situations that have heavy drinking really shouldn’t have kids around. So, there’s that. Also, kids are prone to….being kids. They cry loudly when you’re walking down the aisle, they bump into the cake stand, they run away and parents have to spend time looking for them, they pull on tablecloths. We chose to have a kid-free wedding because we wanted everyone to have as chill, fun time as possible, and that meant the well-loved children stayed home. 

Post # 3
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

For us the decision had three factors: 

1) Inviting children meant inviting almost 40 extra people in our case, which was way more than we wanted to host and could afford.

2) Most of the parents we know expressed that they were excited to have a night away from their kids, so we took that into account.

3) We wanted our guests who have younger kids to be able to be present and not constantly attending to 1-2 year-old needs (feeding, taking them out if they get upset, generally making sure they stay out of trouble).  So we wanted people to be able to enjoy themselves, basically, rather than only being able to be “half present.”

We have nothing against kids and we love all of fiance’s little cousins.  We seriously considered just eliminating a lot of other factors so we could invite them all.  But then we decided that we did want to have a more formal event and it was going to be better for us overall if we removed them from the guest list.

Post # 4
Member
47201 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t see the issue. Each couple can have the wedding they want, and let other people have the wedding they want without questions from you or anyone else.

Why do people feel the need to weigh in on other people’s guest list? We all come from different cultures and traditions.Live and let live without judgement.

Post # 5
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

ashleyroo :  I don’t have kids, I don’t dislike kids but for our wedding reception we hosted it at a very nice bar/restaurant and while kids were allowed in a certain part I just thought kids running around would ruin the vibe. We had a cocktail style reception and I just cant imagine kids would have even had fun if we let them come. 

Plus, our friend group likes to party pretty hard, make some inappropriate jokes, etc, and I didn’t want to have to sensor myself for children on my wedding day.

That being said, I can’t think of any wedding I’ve been to that didn’t have kids, but most of our friends had larger weddings with lots of family members and are close with the children so I get them having the kids there.

Post # 6
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t have kids, don’t want kids, and don’t particularly like most kids. I was raised in a culture where formal events were not places for kids. I also had 2 choices for my liquor license, 19+ for a cheaper price, or all ages which was drastically more expensive. It was a no brainer. 

Post # 7
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

Quite frankly? Because I don’t like kids. I don’t find it cute when they squeal and scream during the ceremony or speeches. When I’m trying to socialize, I don’t like how distracted their parents are with diaper changes, or feeding and entertaining them. Even with older kids, there needs to be someone keeping an eye on them so they don’t start running around and misbehaving. It is the rare child that can behave like a little adult, and I don’t like gambling on which children will have their big kid panties on for my wedding day. 

Yep. It will be my wedding. MY wedding. I, personally, enjoy adult only time, as does my SO. Since it’s OUR wedding day, we will be as “selfish” as we want and say no to children being in attendance. 

Post # 8
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I grew up in the same kind of culture as you and can’t imagine a family wedding without kids.  I don’t think I’ve ever been to any wedding without kids.  I don’t have any kids myself, but when I think of weddings, I think of celebrating with family and that includes kids.  I’ve never been to a wedding where kids ruined anything, much less the ceremony, so I never consider that a valid excuse to deliberately leave them out.  And people who want a night out without the kids can do so even if kids are welcome, so I don’t see that as a reason to exclude kids for everyone.  Parents who don’t want to deal with kids at a wedding simply don’t have to bring them. 

That said, people can have whatever kind of wedding they want.  It makes no difference to me.

Post # 9
Member
6625 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I was never invited to a single wedding as a kid, though I’m sure my parents went to some. Or maybe I was invited and they chose to leave me home. While I’m sure it’s fun for the kids, that doesn’t make it fun for everyone else. Harder to let loose, always on the lookout, worried about potential for drunken fights (depends on the guests, but apparently it happens). I’d probably leave mine home too unless it was a family wedding. There were three kids at mine, all we knew. One was old enough to hang out but did go to bed eventually. The other two stayed with their grandparents (not guests) most of the night, with one attending the ceremony and the other making a rare appearance. Their parents chose that. 

I’m all for whatever the couple wants, as long as they don’t get mad when they have declines. I don’t really get it when guests get mad… even if they need to travel, they can always decline (again, couple needs to accept that without question)

Post # 10
Member
12207 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It’s considered quite rude to assume that children are invited unless they are, you know, invited. The large majority of weddings I attend include the immediate family children, ie nieces, nephews, younger siblings or their own children, usually just a handful. 

Post # 11
Member
819 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

My reasons are similar to those already mentioned above.

1) Inviting children would increase our guest list by about 30%, which would put us over budget and over the capacity of our venue.

2) Adult guests tend to be more present and engaged in the festivities when not tending to children, and I want to foster that sort of adult-oriented atmosphere at my wedding.

3) I personally don’t like children and don’t feel their presence enhances a wedding or other formal event. I have seen children act out and be disruptive during wedding ceremonies, and that is a situation I want to avoid. 

Post # 12
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

We are inviting my FH’s 5 nephews and 1 niece, along with my 3 first cousins. They range in age from 1 to 16. So we will have 9 kids there, but they are close family members. We aren’t going to invite any other kids, if we invited all our friend’s kids it would get crazy and not be the type of event I really want. It’s possible that some guests might ask me if they can bring their kids. If they are a breastfeeding mom with a kid under 1 then I will likely say yes, you can bring them. Otherwise, no. 

Post # 13
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

We had a no kids wedding (except for my sons – my 12yo Niece was invited but couldn’t come). Our main concern was the venue. We got married on a yacht, so there were safety concerns as far as younger kids and there were capacity concerns. Beyond that, the costs would have increased significantly for additional attendees. We considered asking some of the families whose kids we are close to to bring their kids, but decided against it bc it might upset other attendees whose children weren’t invited. I have no problems with kids coming to dinner at my house when we’re not paying per person to host, but at a more formal event? I’m not made of money 😉

Post # 14
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

Everyone’s wedding guest list is up to them. Some (read: a lot of) people don’t want the additional hassle that can come with inviting kids to a wedding.

Personally, I’m in the opposite boat as many bees. I love kids and want to invite kids to the wedding, but we simply don’t have many people with kids in our families/friend groups currently. As of right now (we’re not looking to get married for another year and a half to two years), we’d only have my cousin’s little one-year-old guy (three to four years old at the wedding) as the only guest under 18. Second would be my niece, who’d be 18 around the time we got married. None of our friends are looking to have kids any time soon. The only additions I’d predict would be from my cousin with the little boy or his sister, who just got married. Though that side of the family is in the Midwest and isn’t too keen on air travel, so they may decline anyway.

Post # 15
Member
2844 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have kids. We took both (2 and 4 months) to a family wedding recently – it was hell. Because it was family and I’m breastfeeding the youngest couldn’t decline for them, but we have said that whenever we can we won’t take them to a wedding again.

it was hot, the toddler got bored, we had to leave early, it was just no fun for us.

yes, we have to miss a wedding this month that would have been awesome. It’s kid free and breastfeeding baby won’t take a bottle. But that is the price we pay.

 

long live kid free weddings 

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