(Closed) *Spin Off* "Older" (>26) bees- do you think it's harder to combine finances?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee

 

Because we’d been our own heads of household for awhile prior to marriage, we kept separate petty cash funds in separate accounts while combining everything. We budgeted the amonts for our personal accounts. It helped with the transition and I recommend it to others.

 

Post # 3
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Oh yikes, 26 is “older”? haha! I’m 30 and we’re keeping our own accounts, but soon will be opening a joint account (for bills, retirement savings, and emergency funds). We both want to keep our “fun money” separate because we both buy things that the other person finds frivolous (DH – video games and all kinds of crazy workout supplements, me – makeup, random kitchen items) so we don’t want to be getting irritated by each others’ purchase choices!

Post # 4
Member
15141 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We were 31/26 when we got married and had no problem merging things and viewing everything as ‘ours’.  He basically stopped using his checkings/savings account and changed his auto deposits and bill bays to “mine”, which I added his name to.  Then we just went around adding names to the other accounts.  We left our investment accounts alone cause we were both happy with where they were and how they were doing.

Post # 6
Member
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was 38 when we married. We combined almost all our accounts. We each have small individual investment accounts that we left alone and decided to leave them alone to grow as moving them would have been more hassle and paperwork than they are worth. 

Post # 7
Member
9051 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
heputaringonit:  We are 31 now and were 29 (me) and 30 (him) at our wedding. Prior to living together I lived alone and he had roommates, and even after we moved in together before our engagement we didn’t have a joint account but had monthly sit downs to “settle up” the household expenses from the month before – whoever had underpaid just gave the other one a check for their portion. It was easy enough but very unromantic.

After the wedding we went fully joint on bank accounts and semi-joint on credit cards (we’re just lazy and haven’t set them all up – we can see each others’ balances on our joint Personal Capital account). Yes, we were both VERY used to having our independence since we’d lived on our own for so long, but I refused to let that “roommate” mentality continue into our marriage. Our individual systems didn’t work for a couple and so we had to change. Some couples pay bills based on percentages and then keep the balance of their salaries for themselves, but that doesn’t work for me. We both work hard, and I just happen to earn a higher salary. So I get to spend more because I make more? Not in my view. We’re a team and we need to make spending decisions together. Otherwise how do you decide who pays for the dog’s vet bill? Or little Sally’s field trip? Joint accounts = more communication and less business transactions.

 

Post # 8
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

Yeah I think it is definitely harder depending on where you are in life. Fiance and I just direct deposit our paychecks into my account mostly, he direct deposits like $50 per pay period into his account for his own frivolous purchases that require cash so he can pull it out and tip or use at cash only establishments and to get our lotto tickets

We also just started putting savings into the savings account i had previously because he didn’t have a significant one, and my bank also holds my 401K which he didn’t have. 

Credit cards – he closed his smaller limit cc’s. We have a joint CC we try to put all of our spending on to earn miles and it is paid down to the penny when we get the bill. 

In our situation, I had a more established banking relationship and he just had a checking account and some small CC’s. Also, the bills are all coming from my account since he has no car payment and he moved into my place so rent, electric water etc all just come from my account as they always have. 

Do what works for you. In a previous marriage (10 years ago) we fought about everything but we didn’t fight about finances. We did this by equally distributing bills according to income and each person deposited into the joint bill account while keeping respective checking accounts to themselves for discretionary spending. 

Post # 9
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m 24 and had significantly more money saved than my fiancé because he had college loans to pay off.  I had no issue joining accounts Though.  It got too confusing with paying our bills and I handle all the finances so it makes my life easier.  like the other bee we just merged his account into mine.  I will say I have a harder time with the idea of changing my last name than sharing money!

Post # 10
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

We are 45 and 58 (and have been together since we were 32 and 45 and have lived together for 6 years, owned a home for three). We don’t have any joint accounts and I have basically the same accounts I had when I met him. He pays all the bills out of his accounts as I quit my money-making work six years ago to pursue artsy things that don’t pay. (And yes, I know how lucky I am.)

Post # 11
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

I’m very careful with my money, and need to deal with stipends for living expenses versus stipends to pay for research expenses. My fiance has a normal job, pays his bills, and is a bit more lax with his spending money. We’ve opened a joint savings account to save for the wedding, and treat it like we’re paying a bill every month. We’ll put gift money there, and continue to contribute (though significantly less) after the wedding. We split all of our bills equally, though he does treat me more often than I do him. Our understanding is that when we have kids we might need to adjust (e.g. merge everything, me pay for kid expenses and he pay more bills, etc.) just to make sure we’re equally contributing. I brought that up just because I know I’ll be the one taking them shopping, etc.

We also discussed financial priorities, and for both of us, it’s paying off student loans. So we are both trusting each other to put any extra money each month towards that, especially after the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah… I haven’t even done it yet. We haven’t even TALKED about it yet. We lived together for 10 years before getting married, we have a system down. It seems weird to suddenly change our bank acccounts, system, etc. Quite frankly, I’m not sure its necessary until we buy a home or a have a kid. 

Post # 13
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

lol @ 26 beling older

Age: fossilized

Financial Arrangement: Fiance and I have both joint and separate accounts. Joint household, joint savings, individual chequing and savings plus savings for our kids. 

I do think age plays a factor here, with me at least, possibly because Fiance and I are both divorced as well…..having managed our own finances for so long solo before plus the once-bitten-twice-shy thing, I think we’re both more comfortable still maintaining a degree of autonomy and separateness. 

Post # 14
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

We opened a joint account for wedding stuff. After we get married I think we’ll start transitioning more household stuff to that account but we may still keep our own. I dunno we haven’t figured it out yet! There are lots of ways to do it – no one way is right. Depends on what works for you. 

Post # 15
Member
4347 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m 30 Fiance is 32. When we bought our house three years ago we set up a joint checking and savings account for all our bills &a household expenses but we kept the rest of our money in separate bank accounts still, it just made sense that way..

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