*Spin Off* "Older" (>26) bees- do you think it's harder to combine finances?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 61
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m 28. Our accounts are separate. We are opening a small joint account for wedding purposes. Fiance and I both know that I am better at budgeting, et cetera, so I typically control most of the money. I doubt we go fully joint when we are married. He can use my debit card if he wants and vice versa and no one ever cares so I just don’t really see the point right now.

Post # 62
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

I’m 25 (almost 26!), Fiance is turning 29. We’ve recently opened a joint account because we just bought a house, and it seemed easier to pay off the mortgage, utilities, and other household expenses from one account. But we still haven’t decided how to go about combining our finances. Fiance has significantly more savings & investments than me, and he earns ~1.7x more, whereas I’ve pretty much just started working..

Not sure if we should each contribute an equal amount into the joint account every month, just enough to pay for the household bills, and keep the rest in our own separate accounts, or if we should split the contribution by a percentage of income…? I don’t think it would be fair to my Fiance with the other option of us each contributing everything into the joint account, minus our personal expenses (cellphone, car lease & insurance, gas, my school loans, taxes, etc) & whatever “fun money”… Or maybe I can contribute everything BUT, and Fiance can just contribute that same amount into the joint…?

I’m probably making this more complicated than it should be, haha! Any ideas, ladies? 🙂

Post # 63
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I’m 27 and my SO is 23. When we met I was like OH MAN you’re way to young to settle down and commit to anything, so I really thought he just wanted to have some fun for a while. 

 

Fast forward to now and he’s actually (sometimes!) more mature than I am. That being said, I bought my own house and had lived on my own prior to us living together, and I had lived with an ex (we were together for 5 1/2 years, lived together for about 2 1/2) before I met my SO. My SO has never lived with a significant other and didn’t buy a house. 

At first it was kind of a struggle – I had been independent and taking care of myself for a LONG time as my ex was not supportive and it was a bad, bad relationship so I was financially taking care of everything for a long time. It was hard to accept that this is our life now and I struggled with him stepping up to pay for groceries sometimes or when our dog got really sick and had to take her to the emergency vet he stepped up and paid. I was just so used to having to figure it out for myself and now I don’t need to. 

 

So I kind of feel like once you have been on your own and taking care of yourself it can be harder to merge things. At first I was really worried about the house: I saved up and purchased my home by myself (well a mortgage, anyways) and he’s just coming in and living here now too. But at the same time, him moving in and taking care of a house and a dog easily doubled his expenses and he willing did it – he has no legal obligation to that house and yet he still has his pay going into our account and is working things through as a couple. It can be tough, but if it’s the right person that adjustment period will be ok and you’ll be just fine after it. 

 

I also think it highly depends on the life stage that people are at. For example, I knew people at 23 who were already on their own and some at 29 who still lived at home. I feel like for those who have been supporting themselves for a long time will have a tougher adjustment period, and those who have never had to might think nothing of it. 

Post # 64
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m 30 and he’s 33. We will keep our accounts separate. But he does both of our budgets.  We know what the other has going on. In this day and age wtih stuff like Venmo and Facebook money transfer, no reason to combine. 

Post # 65
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2002

We married at 38 and 39, he had 2 children and I had 2 children .  We both had good jobs and we have kept everything separate.   

Now we are empty nester as of this fall and I am paying for college for my two.  

I think I like it this way.  He buys what he wants, I do too, bills are paid, retirement is set, whatever works for each couple

Post # 66
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I’m 28, Darling Husband is 30. What works for us is we have a joint account for paying bills and saving money together. We also both have seperate chequing accounts where are paycheques are deposited, and we transfer money over to the joint account as needed. We have been doing this since back when we were dating and first moved in together, so it works for us.

I also maintain a private savings account. In my humble opinion every woman should have one because you never know!

Post # 67
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I am 27 and Darling Husband is 29. We have savings accounts together where we deposited our wedding gifts to and tax returns and X amount of paychecks into, rest is separate. I like it that way, he likes it way, it works for us. When we buy a house or have a kid, we will join our accounts.

Post # 68
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

40s. Everything is joint except investment accounts and real estate. We need to decide whether/when to combine those after we get married. Luckily it’s pretty even (both income and savings/equity).

Post # 69
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I think it’s always good to have your own money. How many times do we read on here about bees who need to get away from their husbands. 

 

We currently put 2/3 of our salary into the joint which is used for mortgage, bills, food shopping, and nights out together. Then whatever is left in our own accounts is our own money to do what we like with ( in my case buying clothes and shoes, seeing my friends, etc) 

Post # 70
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m 27, Fiance is 35. We will be keeping separate accounts and maintaining the exact same arrangement we currently have after marriage – all bills except health insurance, which is in his name, are paid from my account and he transfers me half. We don’t see ourselves buying a house any time soon so there’s really no need for a joint account, our current arrangement works well.

I strongly believe in keeping money separate because of what happened in my previous marriage – I had my own account because my ex-H was a reckless spender and would blow his money, then rely on me to cover him until the next pay cheque. When I left, I was so grateful for my own account because I had no real financial struggles getting out.

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