(Closed) Spin-off – Open Marriage

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Are you or would you ever be in an open marriage?
    I am/will be in an open marriage. : (4 votes)
    4 %
    A possibility - it would depend on the circumstances. : (17 votes)
    16 %
    No frigging way! Are you crazy? : (77 votes)
    74 %
    We are not in an open marriage but I have a lover (s). : (5 votes)
    5 %
    We are not in an open marriage but he has a lover. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3000 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Never in a million years would I consider it. I don’t see the point in marriage if you want to be with other people.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    No. We discussed it early on and we wouldn’t want to have other partners in general.

    That said, he doesn’t mind if I kiss other girls (I’m bi)… heck, he actively encourages it!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @Mrs. Fireworks: I’m with you. I don’t see the point of marriage if there are more than two people involved, either. And I myself would never be with a guy who wanted somebody else on the side. No thanks! 

    Edit: I should add that I do not judge others for this type of relationship, though. If both parties agree to it and are happy, that’s great!

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I have never, ever, EVER seen this work in the long run.  I’ve known several couples who practiced it, believed in it, defended it and each couple is now divorced, with one of the partners leaving for someone with whom they are now in a monogamous (not open) marriage.  No way.  Polygamy makes more sense to me than an open marriage.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @jjmomma: That doesn’t surprise me. I would think this type of relationship would cause a whole host of problems! I’d be curious to hear from people who have had success with open relationships!

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    5572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It’s definitely not for us. We never even talked about it because it was such an obvious decision for our relationship. Neither of us would be remotely okay with it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m in a monogamous relationship, but I don’t feel like there was a voting option that described how I feel.  We’ve never discussed it because neither are interested in it, but if he brought it up, I wouldn’t say “ARE YOU CRAZY?!” That being said, I don’t think I’d agree to it either.  I just don’t have strong feelings on the issue one way or the other.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I’ve heard arguments that it takes a lack of insecurity, a great deal of communication/ clear expectations and boundaries… but for me, I wonder how the addition of the freedom to act on natural attraction would influence me when I feel slighted by Darling Husband, or less than attractive and he’s having a jolly good time with another woman.  Maybe I’m too insecure for it, but I wouldn’t want to add those elements to what we have to navigate for the rest of our lives. 

    To be fair, though… one of my dear friends had just announced her divorce after twenty years in an open relationship/ marriage.  So I’m sad about it.  I think there are lots of lifestyles that we don’t understand but work beautifully for many, and I wouldn’t say those people are wrong.  I just don’t think it would work for me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @jjmomma:  I’m in the same boat as you.  I know so many failed polygamous relationships.  I don’t know any that worked.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7291 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

     I would just assume stay single/ or in a non-married open relationship. I guess people with open marriages vow to alternative ideals or perhaps do it for soley legal purposes. I don’t know enough about it to say much.

     EDIT: we are talking about like more of a sexual thing and not like the sister wives thing right? Cause their religion is a totally different spin on open marriage.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I personally do not get it and will never ever agree to it. Thankfully my husband feels the same way!

    But, I do think it might be more common than we think! I know there is someone in his family that are swingers and they have been happily married for 20 years!

    @Eva Peron:

    I took it to mean more of a “open sexual” marriage much like swingers.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    No way. I would not be cool with Darling Husband being with another girl – and yes, I’ll freely admit that I’d be so insecure about it – especially if I thought the other girl were skinnier/taller/bigger boobs/whatever and I know that Darling Husband would be insanely jealous if I were bangin’ another guy. It would definitely not be for us. I think it would truly have to be a completely different mindset for that to be able work for a couple.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I have several friends who have been swinging for years, and they are very happy.

    I’m personally not into polyamory. I never even dated more than one guy at a time. but an unexpected side effect of my friend’s arrangements is that we have a lot of new friends in our group now, so I’ve benefitted from this! 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m going to make my Fiance promise that if he ever feels unsatisfied with our sex life, he will come talk to me about it before cheating. Then, if there really is no way for me to give him what he needs, I would consider letting him go outside the marriage. I would consider that preferable to him cheating or to us getting a divorce. 

    The topic ‘Spin-off – Open Marriage’ is closed to new replies.

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