(Closed) Spin Off: Parents Inviting Guests?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you think parents should get to invite people?
    Yes. : (47 votes)
    41 %
    No. : (19 votes)
    17 %
    Only if they are paying. : (44 votes)
    39 %
    Not sure. : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I said ‘no,’ because I believe it’s your day and you should have the final say about the guest list.  If your parents have friends who they want there, they should be close enough to your family that you would want to invite them anyways.

     

    That said, my parents are inviting guests.  I don’t like the idea, but it’s not worth fighting over when I know there are enough other issues we’ll have to compromise about.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My mom is paying for the wedding, and she isn’t pushy with any of the planning. If she wants to invite a few people, I don’t have a problem with it. Even if she wasn’t paying, I don’t think I would have a problem with that either.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I said no because frankly its not their wedding. They are not getting married. It should be the people that the bride and groom know. BUT even if the bride and groom do know the people, its up TO THEM if they want to invite them.

    Luckily, neither of our parents suggested anyone to us. I made my list and my Fiance made his. We plan on inviting only those on our list.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Maybe it just depends on your relationship with your parents.

    As I said in a PP, my parents aren’t pushy at all. If I didn’t want them to invite their friends, I feel free to say no without starting drama.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5654 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    ALL of our parents gave a portion to help with the wedding BUT none of them had any say in the guest list…

    We still paid primarily for everything, and even if we didn’t our venue had a certain limit for space so still we choose those that we wanted to spend the day with.

    All of our parents took it pretty well… mine better than DH’s… and the issues that did come up were gotten over pretty quick.

    I think it’s CRAZY for parents to get nit picky about things, even when paying, because it’s NOT THEIR WEDDING. lol

    Post # 8
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    Could they offer suggestions? Yes. Did they get X number of guests to invite? No. Guest lists are kind of a political thing, and you have to be careful about different “levels” of people you invite. 

    For instance, DH’s mom really wanted to invite the parents of one of his childhood friends. But, if we invited them, there are so many other friends like this that we would have also had to invite, not to mention our childhood friends themselves as well (many had not made our guest list). This would have easily added over 20-30 people, and there’s no way we could expand our guest list by that much. Plus, it would have totally changed the nature of our wedding, which we wanted to keep as personal and intimate as possible. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1625 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t understand it either actually. I mean, I understand them wanting to invite their close friends who also know me (or FI’s parents and people who know him)–many of those people are those I’d want to share the day with anyway!  If parents are paying I still think they should only invite people who know at least one half of the couple getting married–some might not have made the cut if I was paying myself, but at least all those there are people who either I or Fiance will recognize and have something to say to at the wedding.  I remember at my bat mitzvah, which my grandparents generously helped out with, there was literally a woman who came up to me and in all seriousness asked “and how do you know the bat mitzvah girl??”…she was someone my grandmother invited who didn’t know me OR my parents, and apparently couldn’t remember me even after having JUST watched me lead a 3-hour long service.  I’d like to avoid that at the wedding!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We have our parents friends on the list. Most of them I know fairly well – they were around when I grew up. While I’m not very close with some of them, I don’t resent that they are coming.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1614 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    HELL NO!!! I’m inviting two of my mothers friends that I talk to & see on a daily/weekly basis, and they are MY friends too…other then that, none of my moms friends, and none of my fiances friends…I love all of their friends, (minus one), and in a perfect world, EVERYONE I knew that was involved in my/his/our life would be welcome, but that just isn’t feasible…. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We asked our parents if they wanted to invite anyone, and they each gave us maybe 3 names, and they were all people we knew anyway. It’s not like they won’t know anyone there- they have their siblings and tons of relatives, but maybe if a parent didn’t have many close relatives they’d want a friend or two there?

    Another thought is showing off- maybe some parents want to one-up their friends’ kids’ weddings and coworkers? Or extra gifts?

    Since my parents didn’t care either I guess I don’t have a definite answer for you… my Fiance and I and our parents had never heard of a parent guest list either.

    Post # 15
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Our parents are inviting people to the wedding. Both of our parents are contributing to the wedding. The people they’re inviting are really close friends of theirs from work and childhood. We are extremely close to our parents and they play a big part of our lives and who we are. Our parents speak highly of us and are very excited to share this time with their friends as well.  My parents also made sure the budget would allow for everyone we had on our guest list before adding their own friends. They also asked us first, which was very thoughful.

     To be honest, I’m completely fine with this. I don’t see what the big deal is? My parents have been supportive 100% on what we wanted ..even when we changed our minds several times. And how inconsiderate would it be to tell the people who love us the most “thanks for spending thousands of dollars on us.. but no, you’re not allowed to invite ANYONE” If that was the case I’d pay for my own wedding

    I do, however, think that this just depends on the relationship with your parents and who’s paying. Like I mentioned before, If we were paying for everything things might be different. Just have a conversation with your parents, it’s releives the tension and makes things clear for all parties involved. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I asked my mother just then what she’d think if I told her she could invite friend sto the wedding. She laughed.

    I think it’s a bit silly to be honest. If they’re people you know, ok, whatever, but friends of your parents you don’t know? Why would they even want to come to your wedding? Wont your parents be busy anyway? I’d be a little insulted if my parents felt the need to invite friends. Thankfully they don’t. I can’t quite understand why parents WOULD.

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