(Closed) Spin- off : Parents not disciplining kids. No manners.

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you say something to a parent in public if their child was out of control/rude?
    Yes! : (20 votes)
    9 %
    It really depends on how the child is acting : (88 votes)
    39 %
    No, I wouldnt say anything. Judgement stares would be coming their way though! : (86 votes)
    38 %
    No, it is not my business. : (23 votes)
    10 %
    other. Please explain below. : (7 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    12246 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I only say something if there’s a safety hazard and either the child is in danger or is putting someone else in danger.

    Post # 18
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @letigre:  Her co-worker was slapped by a kid.

    Post # 19
    Member
    970 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    I was doing a photoshoot in the lobby of a hotel and a kid was jumping and climbing all over the props. I told the kid they can’t play on it, the kid stopped for a few minutes then started again. Then I looked at the mother and said “excuse me! She can’t do that!” They stayed for a few more minutes but the kid didn’t stop, finally when I glared at both of them they left. 

    I wait to see if the parent does anything, then address the kid, then if it continues tell the parent. I think going straight to the parent would be rude. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I worked in Universal and trust me I have hundreds of stories. One I will never forget(not with how the child was acting but how they were dresses). While working at one of the popcorn carts a little girl who couldnt be no older than 13 if that and had tons of makeup on, a bandeau top, and those hot pants where her bottom was hanging out. All I could think of is how I would have never been able to step one toe out of the house(he// I would have just been in trouble for having anything like that at that age).

    Post # 21
    Member
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @jb20:  Ah, reading comprehension fail.

    It’s been a week of no sleep, and if I worked in retail with a ton of bratty kids, I’d probably get fired for slapping one today. #badjoke

    Post # 22
    Member
    9950 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @letigre: ya, you read it wrong…

     My coworker was actually even slapped in the face by a 7 year old IN FRONT OF  THE PARENTS!!!! Their faces turned red, but did they say anything? NOPE!

    EDIT TO ADD – I see you caught it now… Sorry I was Drafting while you were replying

    — — —

    As for the Original Post…

    I loved this bit…

    One of my favs is when a little boy was reaching over the counter touching  buttons on our lap top as I was helping a Guest. I hear someone calling out to  me “Excuse me, excuse meeeee, hello” I turn around and the mom  (or   grandma?) of the small boy says “ummm he is touching that” and just stares  at me. So I had to go over there and say sweetie dont touch that please. I mean  the kid wasnt being horrible, but why cant you tell your own darn kid to knock  it off?

    Clearly the Parent / GrandParent was of the impression that the fact that there was a keyboard within reach was the problem…

    Not that the child touching it was.

    Hence the need to say something to the OP in Customer Service.

    Seriously… this totally conveys the issue / problem that many see today when it comes to Parenting

    There is indeed too much “cotton wool” wrapped around children, and they are taught so early that they “cannot do anything wrong”… they are splendid little darlings

    No wonder some grow up with such a HUGE sense of entitlement (rudeness to others etc)

    When my Ex & I had kids as @swanks4tw: said they JOINED OUR FAMILY… not the other way around

    We loved and spoiled them a bit too much (no doubt) but at the same time, we very much started early on with a list of expectations & rules on how they would behave… whether it was at home or out in public.

    One of my favourite examples.

    Our kids were taught that Dinner was at the table with the whole family.  You were expected to be there (barring a pre approved time conflict).  And right from the time they were little they were seated in their chairs (not standing on them)… Not reaching across… asking “Please pass the ___”, saying Thank You etc.  If they were done, they could leave the table if they asked to be excused.

    Same rules applied at home as in a Restuarant.

    I had a Girlfriend & Hubby who had 2 kids.  This was a point when my own kids were a bit older (7, 8 or 9) and we went out to Dinner with this family.  Their kids were out of control… Dinner was a zoo.  It wasn’t a special occasion or any thing (Birthday, Thanksgiving etc) but it was a zoo.  Kids standing on chairs, knocking things over, sliding down their chairs to under the table, running around etc

    I suffered thru, and didn’t say anything, cause this was a fairly new friend, and well she was RIGHT THERE and should have been in charge.  But ya it was awkward for me, and very uncomfortable for us (including Hubby & Kids).  I pretty much told Hubby on the QT afterwards that I wasn’t in favour of reliving that experience ever again.

    The cute thing tho, that I always remember was my eldest said in the car…  “Wow that was crazy… Billy & Bobby were out of control”

    Lol, it was a proud moment for this Mom.  Manners are important, can & do make a difference.

    Of course when that same Girlfriend told me outright one time that she hated mealtime as it was so stressful, I did tell her that her kids were making it that way… she needed some set rules / expectations… and as they were so little (3 and 5) there was still time to make it happen… but she’d have to be firm with it cause it was going against what they had “learned” to date.

    I cannot say I know what ever happened, because after the first experience, we never had a meal with them again… we found other ways to socialize

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @This Time Round:  Kids standing on chairs, knocking things over, sliding down their chairs to under the table, running around etc

    I was always uncomfortable going to friends’ houses for meals when I was a kid because this is how they would behave. My mom was never a strict disciplinarian, but she had basic expectations of her kids, such as respect dinner time and watch your manners at the table.

    When I went to friends’ homes, dinner was such a zoo that I felt really overwhelmed. When these same kids came to my house to lunch/dinner, they behaved perfectly normal, and my parents were confused why I would always tell them about crazy dinner time antics at my friends’ homes, lol.

    I distinctly remember being 6/7 when my mom was having a conversation with a friend’s mom. Her mom said that it’s just impossible for her to contain her two kids and that they were always running wild, and my mom replied, “Really? XYZ always behaves perfectly when she is at our home for dinner.” My friend’s mom was gobsmacked!

    Post # 24
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @leisha606:  I would only do it if I know the kids (my nieces, nephews, cousins, friend’s kids) but I would *almost* never do it to a stranger unless they were impacting me or my family in some way. The only example I have is a little girl who kept teasing my dog, who is not exactly known for his friendly demeanor. I told her to stop or else she would get bit – she stopped. It was a safety issue and it was true (she kept hugging him even though he was growling and as much as I took him away, she followed – I couldn’t very well push her but I wanted to).

    Post # 25
    Member
    344 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I was once at a sushi restaurant with my ex, and a family near us let their young child go on screaming for a good 5 minutes. The whole restaurant was looking and them and plugging their ears, yet the parents just sat there. Sushi places aren’t cheap either. I was downright pissed at the lack of parenting going on. Had I done that when I was younger I would have been yanked out of the restaurant and wouldn’t return until I calmed down. I’d probably also have been scolded and/or had my hands slapped. My parents seriously would not tolerate temper tantrums and as a result I don’t either.

    Post # 26
    Member
    7169 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think there is a huge difference between an out of control kid, and a kid having a tantrum. No kid is perfect, and there are going to be times that no matter how great of a parent they have, the kid is going to melt down – most likely in public.

    That being said, as often as I see seriously out of control kids – where you can tell it’s a constant behavior – it’s totally unacceptable.

    Darling Husband and I were out to dinner at a quiet (small) Sushi bar a couple of weeks ago. These parents sat talking while their two kids ran circles around the restaurant for AT LEAST 15 minutes – barefoot, ramming chairs, screaming, running into the waitress, etc. We walked in at the tail end of their dinner, and I could tell from the looks on the other people’s faces that this had been going on a while. The parents spend most of the time ignoring it, and at one point dad even cheered them on for their “race”. This was not a large restaurant with lots of background noise, this was a quite and small sushi bar.

    Had my Darling Husband not been there I would have absolutely said something. I probably would not have spoken to the kids, but rather to the parents to let them know that I didn’t appriciate having my chair rammed and listening to their kid screaming and running circles. I ultimately didn’t say anything because my Darling Husband would have been mortified. He highly hates confrontation like that. We live in a resort area and they were clearly tourists, where as we frequent this place quite a bit and he didn’t want to be “those people” who complained.

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    This is such a touchy subject because on one hand it’s not our business but on the other hand, whose business will it be if the parents just dont care?? It’s an iffy place to be.

    Heres where I stand. When it comes to strangers, I keep my mouth firmly closed. I do not judge parentig styles out loud. If I was in a public place and a kid was in danger or putting me or someone I was with in danger an no one was doing anything, I would halt the situation, return the kis their parent with a brief description of what Went down. You have to be careful, some people are just plain crazy and you can get knocked out in this day and age for telling someone to parent better. I can’t help the disapproving glances sometimes, but I do stay quiet.

    When it comes to my friends and family, I can be found redirecting a child towards more appropriate behaviour but I still tend to avoid the out loud judgements. Unless it’s critical to the child’s well being, it’s not my place to decide I know best. But if kids I know and love are hanging out with me, they darned well better behave. Aunty is not afraid to teach kids good values!

    I think it’s way more beneficial to just help the kid rather than harp on the parents.. The kids learn faster anyway 😉

    Post # 28
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Hell no, some people are seriously psycho about other people even politely telling their kids something even if it’s for the kid’s safety. I have a coworker who had a lady go off and start screaming at him and calling him a racist just for telling her kid that it was a unsafe for him as well as a fire hazard from him to be sprawled out on the ground like he was in his bedroom. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    6890 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    It depends really. My child is 2, he will have and does have melt down tantrums. He is 2!  I definately get embrassed when he does do this. I try to get him to stop quickly if we are in public.  Sometimes though that doesn’t work.  

    There has been in the local news and actually made national news how a 9 year old boy flew from Mpls/St Paul to Vegas by himself. A lot of people are blaming his parents from my understanding the dad spoke up about this yesterday. They have been asking and asking for help to get this little boy help because he has issues and no one is helping them.

    We shouldn’t judge how people parent because we do not know how others parent. This pisses me off because it is no one business how I parent my child, long as he is healthy, fed and not abused then do not tell me how to parent my child.  

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