(Closed) Spin- off : Parents not disciplining kids. No manners.

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you say something to a parent in public if their child was out of control/rude?
    Yes! : (20 votes)
    9 %
    It really depends on how the child is acting : (88 votes)
    39 %
    No, I wouldnt say anything. Judgement stares would be coming their way though! : (86 votes)
    38 %
    No, it is not my business. : (23 votes)
    10 %
    other. Please explain below. : (7 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    278 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @leisha606:  I know its crazy isnt it?! I’m sorry and parents are wondering why their child has sex/getting pregnant so young. One other thing I truly hate is having all these boys wearing their pants around their ankles and really when they have a belt on them. One time I seen a group of them walking and you could see their jeans on the outside then a pair of short, then their boxers. I am sorry I do not see any point of that. When my mother was alive and working, if someone who was also working there had their pants hanging she would say something and if they didnt fix it she would find something to tie them up with whether it be zip ties or some string.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Went on vacation with my Future Sister-In-Law, her family and a friend of hers’ family. The friends children were complete crazy people. I had to say something to the boy twice because he was misbehaving. Usually I would just let it be and let the parent deal with it but he was this close to lifting a chair into a TV and was pulling on a car’s antenna ( don’t know who owned the car). I grabbed the chair away from the child. I also told him not to touch other cars. Both times he said “Are you my mom????”. Little shit.

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I chose “other.”  When parents aren’t disciplining their children in public, a lot of time it is one of two things:

    1. They are afraid to.  Children’s reaction to discipline is often to scream and yell.  And parents get even dirtier looks when their children scream and yell than when their children misbehave more quietly.  (Apparently, some people think that if parents did their job, children would just never misbehave in the first place, which is far from the case.)
    2. They are overwhelmed and have given up, temporarily or permanently.

    So my technique is twofold.  First, I’ll say something sympathetic to the parents, like, “Looks like you’re having a rough day.”  Knowing that they aren’t being judged because their child misbehaves can go a long way toward giving them courage.  I’ll then say something quietly to the child like, “Okay, time to stop that.  You’re [bothering people/going to break something/whatever].”  Speaking quietly tends to get a screaming child to get quieter, just so they can hear what you are saying.  Plus, children often behave better when strangers reprimand them than when their parents do.  And modeling effective discipline helps if the problem is that the parents are overwhelmed.

    Trying to shame parents into disciplining their children will make a good parent feel bad (even if their child is just having a meltdown that the parents couldn’t have prevented), and will be ignored by a bad parent, so it is ineffective as well as hurtful.  Helping the parents can resolve the immediate problem, while also enabling the parents to become better parents in the future.

    Post # 35
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Yep, I’ve done it. One of my old customers would bring in her 3 kids and just let them run amuck around the store. The youngest one was 4 and he was the worst. He’d come behind the register area, he’d try to stick his hand in the charity jars, he’d grab packs of gum and open them. So I finally got tired of it and diciplined him. And he listened. His mom would joke that he listened to me better than he did her, and I always told her that was because she just let him do whatever he wanted. He used to beg to come home with me because he didnt want to go back to his house.

     

    I’ve also told parents (when I didnt know their kids) that their children were behaving badly. This one time this kid almost grabbed a pot of hot coffee, and I said “if you dont go get your kid, she’s getting ready to get a very bad burn.” The woman was so embarassed that she just left the store.

     

    Oh, and then there was the time I absolutely went off on this guy. He was babysitting his nephew (who looked to be around 3 or 4) and he wasnt watching him at all. The kid was running in and out of the store, running through the parking lot (in heavy traffic) and almost got hit by 2 cars. I was absolutely livid. I told him that he didnt have any business babysitting if he couldnt even pay enough attention to keep him out of the way of cars.

    Post # 36
    Member
    5373 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @2dBride:  I really like your response! I’m saving it for future reference 😉 even just to use on my own kids someday aha

    Post # 38
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I once had a customer who was in our store (Old Navy) for about 2 hours trying things on, picking new items, etc. She SPECIFICALLY told her kids to leave her alone and go find something to do while she was in the store. They thought that meant running around and making a mess. After several warnings, I yelled at the kids, and told the parent that she either needed to keep an eye on them or leave the store. She continued shopping, while we had to babysit them while they were in the fitting room. At least at that point, they were in one place. The mom seemed to be clueless as to why we were so upset. I could have slapped her.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1133 posts
    Bumble bee

    When i was an intern (and made to do the dirty work) i had to deliever a patients medication to their house late one evening. When i rang the doorbell a man answered and as i was handing over the medicines his son came outside and punched me hard in the arm. No apologies not nothing. He didn’t even flinch. i was so pissed.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @leisha606:  Yeah, it got to the point where I wouldn’t even wait, I’d ask the kid, “Where is your mom or dad?” and march them straight over to where the parents were, and had them tell the parent what they were doing. I was a total bitch about it, but I didn’t care. Don’t let your brat run around unsupervised.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I LOVE kids. I do. But I do NOT love a stranger’s child touching me in line at the grocery store, which seems to happen allllll the time. Usually I’ll turn around and make eye contact with the parent(s) and most of the time that’s enough of a hint for the parent(s) to get their kid away from me. Sometimes it’s not enough tho…and it definitely turns me into the bad guy, but I have to turn around and ask the parent to control the kid. It’s not even that they need to discipline them, just jeeeeez say something like “hey give the lady space” or “don’t touch strangers”.

    I was raised to give the person in front of me (in line at the grocery store) space. My dad would get so mad if we got in someone’s way and my mom would NEVER let us touch a stranger. I just can’t understand why anyone would let their kids put their hands in my back pocket or grab my thighs with both hands.

    Besides that I don’t really comment on bad parenting as long as it doesn’t affect me and the kid isn’t in danger. I’ll probably take notes in my head of what not to do when I have my own kids. If a kid is in danger I will usually say something to the child rather than the parent (of course that is if the kid is a KID and not a baby).

    I pass judgment on a lot of people and the way the raise their kids but usually don’t say anything because it’s their business. But you can bet your ass I will be judging you based on what you feed your kids, if your child has dried snot on his face, and if you put blankets and stuffed animals in your newborn’s crib. Not to mention the way your children act in public.

    Post # 44
    Member
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @DaneLady:  I go with this reasoning too.  If their behaviour isn’t unsafe (to themselves or others), and they aren’t messing with me or my personal property, I just leave it be.  But if the little brat is touching my things or doing something unsafe, I will certainly say something.  Most likely I will tell the child to stop doing what they’re doing and why it’s unsafe or inappropriate.

    @leisha606:  So in your case (and others’), I would be saying something if the kid was messing with the register and all the merchandise because it’s property that I am partly responsible for while working.  If the kid is throwing a tantrum on the floor, I leave him/her be.  It could be a lesson from their parents.  Now if they were throwing a tantrum on the floor and say, trying to trip other customers (just made that up), I would be saying something.

    Post # 46
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @sugarpea: and @leisha606:  Yeah, I’m just kind of sensitive on the subject because I have a child with autism spectrum disorder, who had more than his share of meltdowns–and I often got blamed for them, regardless of what I did.  And even with my other child, who was well behaved overall, I’ve faced my share of dirty looks.  I remember one time I was on an airplane when she was a baby, and she just wouldn’t stop crying.  I tried to nurse her, tried to give her a pacifier, walked her, tried everything I could think of, without success.  Then as I was leaving the airplane, another passenger said, “That baby was disturbing people!  I can’t believe you didn’t quiet her!”  I narrowly avoided responding, “Sorry, but that would have involved dropping her out of the plane, and I didn’t have the heart.”

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