(Closed) Spin- off : Parents not disciplining kids. No manners.

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you say something to a parent in public if their child was out of control/rude?
    Yes! : (20 votes)
    9 %
    It really depends on how the child is acting : (88 votes)
    39 %
    No, I wouldnt say anything. Judgement stares would be coming their way though! : (86 votes)
    38 %
    No, it is not my business. : (23 votes)
    10 %
    other. Please explain below. : (7 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    2948 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    @2dBride:  I can also relate to you.

    My son has ADHD & OCD and parenting these children is extremely hard. People can be so quick to judge. I’ve left the shops many times in tears! I just wish people could try to be a little more tolerant because you never know the whole story. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @Holly77:  The other thing is, some kids are just hard to discipline.  I’m pretty sure as a parent you could have beat the @#)! out of my brother or starved him or something for a week and he would still have refused to admit he was wrong about something.  Not that my parents ever did that….they tried everything…some kids you just can’t help =P

    The problem is these days, you can’t talk back to your child in public without people judging you and calling child services.

    Post # 49
    Member
    982 posts
    Busy bee

    @vmec:  +1. If the parents don’t have the balls to do anything I sure will. I have spoken up against kids being nasty/overly pushy with animals because in the end the animal is the one who will get in trouble if they scratch/bite/knock the kid over and it makes me so angry. 

    If it’s just a tantrum or something I let it go, kids have meltdowns and I get that, but if they’re hurting someone else or look like they’re going to hurt themselves I will say something. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @rawrrawr:  Ah, yes, I remember the time I told my son (the one with autism spectrum disorder) that if he didn’t do something or other, he wouldn’t get any dinner.  He didn’t do it, and went to bed hungry.  But the next day, he wouldn’t eat lunch at school, and told the teachers that I wasn’t ever going to let him eat until he did whatever it was.  They called me up in a panic, clearly having decided I was trying to starve him into submission.

    The son in question is now an adult himself, and has the most even tempered, easy baby I have ever seen.  Can I just say that life is unfair?  LOL

    Post # 51
    Member
    7369 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I say something to a badly behaving kid IF the behavior is directed towards me or if it unsafe as PP stated. If the parent doesn’t like it TOUGH. I dare you now say something to ME because what I gave your kids will pale in comparison to me ripping YOU a new one for allowing that bullshit. 

    Now I have a godchild is Autistic so I tend to cut parents some slack. However, there are times where it is blatant that its not a behavioral issue but simply a lack of God given common sense on the parts of the parents. 

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    4589 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I won’t discipline a kid or tell their parents (I mean, if the parents are there, they can see what is going on.)  However, I will tell a kid to stop doing something if it affects me directly or is unsafe. (Like the examples given about playing with a dog that isn’t kid-friendly or slapping people.)

    Post # 53
    Member
    551 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @leisha606:  Haha I have a very strong maternal instinct and babysat/nannied my whole life. My Fiance says I could be Super Nanny. When I see a child misbehaving and their parents are in the distance watching their little rebel yet not correcting their misbehavior, I do it. Typically, they run back to their parents yelling ‘mommy’ haha 🙂 Nothing needs to be said to the parents. They know they created a little devil and I think it embarrasses them enough that a young adult has to correct their child’s behavior.

    Edit: I don’t do this to children who are Autistic. I am a Psychologist so I understand the difference between a child with a disorder and a child who is the product of poor parenting.

    Post # 54
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee

    I hate to say this but I was hit by a friend’s kid in the face when I told him to stop jumping on our furniture. He was 7 and I turned around and hit him right back (not hard but a nice tap on the face). He told me I couldn’t do that to him. I asked him why not?  you hit me why can’t I hit you? He goes because I am a child. I said well if you are old enough to hit someone then you are old enough to be hit. You are in my house and you follow my rules. When I tell you to not jump on my furniture you need to respect me and my home.  If not, you and your family will be leaving right now. (this was all done and said in front of his parents) I gave him a look of try me and immediately he sat down.  His parents did not apologize to me for him hitting me and I didn’t apologize to them for hitting him.  They let it be and there have been no issues in our friendship. I have helped raise 14 nieces and nephews including living with one of my sisters who has 5 kids.  We never allowed this type of behavior.  They knew if they did something wrong the punishment would be equal to the crime. Ruin something of Mom’s and something you like will be thrown away. They knew to respect our home and one another.

    I will say that when he visits my home now he is respectful and follows the rules. Kids test their limits to see what they can get away with and if they will be punished.  If his parents weren’t going to set him straight that doesn’t mean that I am not going to.  They, as well as the child, need to learn that there are reprecussions for bad behavior.

    Post # 56
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @leisha606:  I have a very vivid memory of carrying my daughter out of a store football style.  She was screaming, the you killed my dog kind of screaming.  People looked at me like I’d beaten her.  I hadn’t, it was worse, I told her no. 

    She’s sixteen now, that was over a decade ago.  This doesn’t happen anymore.  Its okay, there are new challanges to parenting at this age.  What, we have to have the sex ed talk?  Crap.

    Post # 57
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My SO and I were out to dinner. There was a family with young children at the next table, and they were waiting for their food to come out. The little girl (probably about 2) was apparently too hungry to wait, and she started licking the top of the salt shaker! I didn’t even know what to say, so I told my SO and we just sat and watched in shock. What was worse was when the mother looked right at her, took the shaker, then turned back around without saying anything. Of course the girl picks it up again and starts licking! So the mom just looks and ignores it for a while. Then she decides the best course or action is to take the shaker, spill some salt on the table for the girl to lick up, and put the shaker back in the holder without saying anything! My SO eventually called the waitress over to tell her to change the shaker top out. It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen at a restaurant, and it made me not want to eat out for a while. As far as actually saying something to a parent, I don’t think I ever could just knowing that most of the time parents with terrible children will come to their defense in a heartbeat. “OH NO YOU DIDN’T MY JIMMY AIN’T BAD” you know, that kind of parent.

    Post # 58
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @fall2014:  I agree that children will try and test their limits! I was babysitting for a family with three kids a few months ago, and it was the first time I had worked for that family. The older girls tried to get away with so much because their mom and dad use the reward system. Literally, all night it was like, “Go to bed” “only if you give me my dollar!” Like WTF. Finally I flipped out on them. I have been a nanny for over a year, and I have NEVER yelled at a child, but apparently that was what they needed because they were right in bed and didn’t ask me about their dollar ever again LOL.

    Post # 59
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @jilleeann:  And? What’s your point. I don’t have kids and if someone is letting theirs behave like little howler monkeys on crack then you can bet a mountain of dirty diapers, I am judging you right along with everyone else. 

    I have patience and sympathy for the parents who are worth a damn and trying, but you don’t have to have given birth to know a lazy, inconsiderate parent when you see one. I really don’t care how hard you think it is, if you and your kid are bothering everyone around you, then you are the problem. When you had kids, you also volunteered to be the one inconvenienced by them – not everyone else.

    Post # 60
    Member
    782 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    hmm.

    Well I voted yes. But only because the majority of kids I’m around are my nieces and nephews, or their close friends, who I see often and I know their parents well enough that if they didn’t see something they’d want me to say something.

    Something I’ve noticed is that when my sister “discipline” they often let them misbehave for a looong time before anything is done.. in this case, that’s their problem and I do not step in at all. Although, there are times I leave their house with a massive headache. I don’t know how they drown them out so easy.

    However if I am babysitting and I say “if that happens one more time you are in your room”

    Then when they try to “test” me again, they go to their room and I tell them “You are going to your room because ___________”, I lock their door until they’re done screaming. And I go in and ask them if they know why they were put in their room. I remind them how they wouldn’t want that done to them, tell them I love them and that I want to have a fun night babysitting but if it happens again they’ll be going to straight to bed for the rest of the night and I’ll be telling mom & dad what happened.

    Usually after that, they behave perfectly for the rest of the night, and the other child does as well because they see that I don’t take shit from kids lol

    When I was a child it didn’t take much for me to be spanked or threatned with a belt. However I do see this as child abuse, and I believe there are better ways to parent children.

    Post # 61
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Zhabeego:  My point, sometimes parents are doing something.  What do you want, a gag?  That, my dear, would be wrong.  Try again.

    The topic ‘Spin- off : Parents not disciplining kids. No manners.’ is closed to new replies.

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