(Closed) Spin- off : Parents not disciplining kids. No manners.

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you say something to a parent in public if their child was out of control/rude?
    Yes! : (20 votes)
    9 %
    It really depends on how the child is acting : (88 votes)
    39 %
    No, I wouldnt say anything. Judgement stares would be coming their way though! : (86 votes)
    38 %
    No, it is not my business. : (23 votes)
    10 %
    other. Please explain below. : (7 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 62
    Member
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I have an intolerrance for kids who act poorly in public and the parents who let them. I say things about it all the time.

    Post # 63
    Member
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    @Zhabeego:  I also agree with you! Parents have a responsibility to their kids and to PARENT them. If they are bothering everyone around them, no doubt I will say something. Too many people have kids these days and don’t give them the attention they need. And that includes giving them guidance.

    Post # 64
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @jilleeann:  No, if your kids are acting up, you should make a reasonable effort, in a reasonable amount of time to correct them. If you can’t, then you need to remove them from the situation instead of expecting everyone else to deal with it.

    Also, I don’t see what’s so wrong about a gag.

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    2814 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Yes, there are some crappy parents who have crappy kids.

    That being said, I wish people weren’t so judgemental. I have a two year old, who, 90% of the time is a pleasure to take shopping.

    But she’s 2.

    She can have a tantrum or meltdown over silly little things. It happens.

    I really hate that I know people are judging me when it happens. I am a great parent, and my kids isn’t a holy terror. Sometimes she’s tired or overwhelmed by all the activty around her. You don’t know what kind of kid I have, or what kind of day I’m having.

    Now, if somone is letting their kid destroy things, run wild,etc, I can understand looking at that parenting scenario and judging… but still, no right to discipline that kid. Ask the parent to take control (maybe say the kid is a safety hazard?) and hope that works. If not, I think it’s fine to ask them to leave if they decline to control their child.

     

    Post # 66
    Hostess
    9131 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    The only time I have ever had a go at a parent was the time a couple of years ago when I was late night shopping at this shopping complex (but where the shops all lead out to a big car park. i.e not enclosed and lots of traffic) I was walking into a store and a little toddler ran out, no one follwed. The security guard stood there looking blankly. The kid was literally about to run into traffic so I grabbed him and took him back to the store. He was crying and I got a million dirty looks from people who probably thought I was trying to snatch him!

     

    Back in the store I asked the security guard if he knew where the parents were. He again. looked at my blankly and said, is this not your kid. I was like “I was walking into the store as the kid was running out?!” and way, a few seconds later this kids Dad ran up and grabed the child and smacked him and shouted at him. I understand he was probably upset that his kid had run off, but it was poor parenting on his behalf, as far as I am concerned. I turned round and shouted at this guy to stop smacking and shouting at his kid, that is wasn’t the kids fault that he took his eyes off him. I know kids run off etc etc but I was so mad because this poor kid was so young and didn’t know what the hell was going on. Like others have said, if it is a safety issue, I would step in.

    Post # 67
    Member
    882 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I do not think it is ever ok to correct a stranger’s child when they are present.  And, trust me, I run a tight ship and appreciate order and structure.  I also do not appreciate other people’s children invading my precious and childless space.

    However, you never know what the child or parent is dealing with.  ASD is not the only diagnosis out there known for its unpredicable and sometimes troublesome behaviors.  There are a plethora of issues that can affect a child and their subsequent behaviors.  This parent may get daggar stares and unsolicited advice all day from strangers whilst they simply try to cope with the special needs of their child.  It is no one’s business but their own.  If I see a child misbehaving and it bothers me, I leave the situation or, offer a sympathetic smile, if the parent notices me watching.  It is not my place to do anything farther and possibly make a weary mom’s day that much worse.  To behave oherwise is simply ignorant.

    I say this coming from a place where I used to think like a lot of you.  If the parent isn’t taking care of it, I will step in and say something but now that I work with children of all different needs on a daily basis, I see how misguided that was.  The only time I step in now is if I see a child in danger of harming themsleves or others and there is no parent around or they do not see (such as a child standing in the shopping cart seat, although I have seen many parents stand completely aware of this and do nothing).

    @Dareebs:  If you are a mental health professional, then it may be easier for you to spot characteristics of a child on the spectrum but you will also know that diagnosing a child on the spectrum takes a battery of tests which cannot be run by simply eyeballing the behavior exhibited in a 5 minute span without a thorough history.

    Post # 68
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    When I worked in a retail store that sold decorative house things, including paintings, lamps and other break-ables, I’ll admit I disiplined other people’s kids.  Sorry, parents, but sometimes it had to happen.  I had to stop kids from pulling plugged in lamps over their heads, climbing on heavy, 4-foot tall framed paintings, knocking over ceramic sculptures All. The. Time.  And thankfully I never witnessed it, but my coworkers had stories of getting screamed at by parents because their kid got hurt doing something stupid, and broke something in the process.  Oh and they’d also refuse to pay for whatever their kid broke, and stupid policy meant we couldn’t go after them so instead the staff on the clock had to pay.

    Post # 69
    Member
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @leisha606:  For me it would depend.

    If the kid is just acting their age and their parent is doing something about it (such as actively ignoring them because they don’t want to give them the idea that acting a certain way guarantees attention) then I would normally say nothing. I used to work at a grocery store and the one fool proof method I had of calming down upset toddlers was showing them my “magic” – which was just turning the conveyor belt off and on by pushing the button. I’d even let them push the button to make it start and stop. . . but only if they promised to act like a big kid (because the magic only works for big kids). It always worked and the parents were pretty grateful.

    If the kid is throwing a temper tantrum because they aren’t getting their way, I may raise an eyebrow but, again, it would depend on whether the parent is doing what they can to parent. Sometimes there just isn’t much you can do to calm a kid down because they’re hungry or tired. And sometimes there are medical issues at play that no one knows about; I just don’t feel right making life tougher for a parent when I don’t know the whole story.

    If the kid is putting themself or someone else at risk though, you bet I’d say something. And if the parent has a problem with that then that’s just too damn bad. You don’t want to parent your kid? The don’t complain when someone else does.

    Post # 70
    Member
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @This Time Round:  My grandparents went out to eat at a restaurant a few years ago. Grandma had been really really sick recently (like, in and out of the hospital with several surgeries sick). When they were leaving, some six year-old kid decided it would be a good life choice to crawl around on the floor. He wound up tripping my Grandma, who wound up sprawled on the floor in pain. To say my Grandpa was angry is an understatement. He ripped the parents a new one and told them they were extremely lucky my Grandma wasn’t seriously injured. It was, apparently, epic (and way better when he tells the story).

     

    It still makes my blood boil though. My sisters and I were never allowed to act that way in public or at home. If we started acting up one of my parents would scoop us up and take us out to the car until we calmed down and were capable of behaving. Then again, my parents would actually follow through on their threats to discipline us (like time out). They never allowed us to push them around. They were the ones in charge and we never forgot that.

    P.S. My Grandpa did say that, while he blames the kid for what happened (he was old enough to know better) he ultimately blames the parents more. They had the ability to stop a potentially dangerous situation from happening and they didn’t. In that kind of situation, I think someone is completely justified in telling a kid to stop doing something.

    Post # 71
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Zhabeego:  That’s why I don’t get why you responded to me.  I very clearly discribed how I did remove my child from the situation, and how even that will get you dirty looks.  Its a damned if you do, damned if you don’t thing.  Kids have individual personalities and stubborn streaks, just like adults.  With time, you can help them learn new behavors and responses to situations, but that doesn’t happen over night.  My daughter is 16 now, and no definately means no.  I can’t remember the last time she had a “tantrum”. 

    As for the gag, try that in public sometime, see what happens. 

    @urchin:  They are going to have their moments, you get through them.  If people are judging, let them judge.  The ones who made it through know that you get through it.  Two is a trying age, but its a year and then you’re on to something new.

    Post # 72
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @jilleeann:  WOw.  Thanks for enlightening me that kids have individual personalities.

    You totally have to give birth to get that. 

    And no, you didn’t describe how you remove your kids from the situation. You just made some high-handed, completely irrelevant comment about non-parents having no right to an opinion on shitty parenting.

     

    Post # 73
    Member
    1291 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @2dBride:  I really like your response. Very meausured and appropriate for most situations. 

    I tend to keep quiet unless the child is being dangerous to themselves, myself, or others. I raise my kids MY way…they can “raise” their kids their way. Who am I to judge?

    Post # 74
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Zhabeego:  Okay, go back and try reading it again.  I think you remember only part of what I wrote, and took that out of context from the rest of the paragraph. 

    Thank you, have a nice day.

    Post # 75
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Zhabeego:  Psst. Post 55.

    Post # 76
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @annifer:  thanks. But that post wasn’t in reply to me and…so what? You don’t get a cookie for doing what you’re supposed to do. It also doesnt justify a snotty attitude toward non-parents. 

    Pushing a kid out is about as pedestrian as it gets.  When someone has has an actual accomplishment or field of expertise, I’ll be interested.

    The topic ‘Spin- off : Parents not disciplining kids. No manners.’ is closed to new replies.

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