Post # 61
ohnatto: I agree with you on the over the top spending at the expense of the guest’s comfort.
What I DON’T get is the notion that the guest’s comfort is inextricably linked to – and that people can’t be happy and dancey without – alcohol. I must be a freak.
Post # 62
oneofthesethings: I completely agree with you.
That people dance more when they’ve been drinking is a FACT. It is not some weird out-there opinion that someone lobbed out of nowhere. It’s just the way things are. Even if you personally are not drinking, you still benefit from the fun atmosphere that all the tipsy people are providing. I danced up a storm at my cousin’s wedding while I was pregnant, but that was only because my entire family was getting sloshed so there was zero chance of me looking like the biggest idiot on the dance floor.
If your wedding is boring, I’m going to leave early. This is exactly like the whole “no kids at the wedding” debate — you can host whatever type of event you want, but in return, you need to understand that people are going to make their own decisions in response to this. If you say Auntie Jane can’t bring her kids, she might RSVP no or she might leave early, and you have no right to get mad because you’re the one who made the no kids rule. Similarly, if you decide to host a dry wedding, you can’t get mad at people who leave early because nobody is dancing and they’re bored. They have that right, and you brought it on yourself when you decided to allocate your budget away from alcohol and towards other things. Nobody needs to get their knickers in a twist over it, but they need to understand that that’s just how it’s gonna go down.
Post # 63
codysgirl16: I would not specifically leave earlier just because there is no alcohol– I’m not a huge drinker- and if we had our kid(s) with us, one of us wouldn’t be drinking anyway.
I will say in general, in *seems* like the drinking crowd stays later at parties, in general.
I do enjoy a drink in a large social setting where there are many people- especially many people I don’t know.
I think the important part if you did have a cash bar- would be to relay that- unless there was an ATM in premesis. I remember the last wedding I attended where they didn’t mention it was switching over to cash bar (they hosted cocktail hour)- and when I went to get a drink and was told I had to pay- I was not only caught off gaurd, but caught without cash. It was a little embarrassing!!<br />
Post # 64
Well, first off, If I were to leave early because of a cash bar or no alcohol, I’d have to leave early in every single wedding in one of the two countries we live in. And it doesn’t matter the social group. We’ve been to both low key and fancy weddings. Wine is served with dinner, something for a toast maybe and food and dessert. Want more alcohol? Everyone gets and pays for their own stuff
In the other country, which is my home country, we are used to open bars. But we (FI and I) would never leave if there is no alcohol or a cash bar. I don’t drink but Fiance does. And we both agree that to us, when we are invited to a wedding, we are there to share the moment with the couple. And it is about them. Not about us as guests. In our minds the couple getting married tries their best to offer the best they can to their loved ones and friends under their circumstances. We appreciate that and whatever they can offer is good enough for us. After all, usually they spend a lot of money they could use to do a lot of fun things for themselves and they are choosing to spend it in celebrating with us. If what they can or want offer is cake and punch is good for enough for us. If they want and can offer open bar, 5 course meal and fancy dessert is as good as the previous scenario to us. We are there to celebrate with them. Not for free drinks and expecting a fabulous dinner.
But also in both our cultures guests aren’t expected to drop big amounts of money in gifts for the couple getting married or in a bridal shower.
Post # 65
Jacqui90: However, if you have another legitimate reason for leaving early, and not just leaving because there is no alcohol or you have to pay for alcohol yourself, then that’s not rude. For example a PP’s anxiety disorder, or if there was a family emergency, or you didn’t know anyone besides the bride and groom.
Post # 66
If I was bored I probably would leave early if it was a dry wedding or a cash bar. However the few cash bar weddings I have gone to I was to young to drink anyways and we ended up sneaking flasks in to the reception. If I were invited to a cash bar wedding now I would probably do the same. Weddings without alcohol are usually boring.
Post # 67
I’d only leave early if it was boring, regardless of alcohol
Post # 68
codysgirl16: I wouldn’t leave early if it was a cash bar, I’d just pay for drinks- frankly I’m pretty lightweight nowadays so it’s not like it would cost me that much. I think with no alcohol I would probably leave earlier than if there was alcohol. Not because I can’t have fun without it, more because I’m introverted and I tend to hit my limit with socializing much faster if I’m stone cold sober. After two hours I’m pretty much done, if I have a couple of drinks I feel like staying longer. It’s the same to me with dancing. I will stay longer if there is dancing, it helps me socialize and have more fun than if there is no dancing. That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun without dancing, just that I prefer it in a social setting. I also have more fun if I can play a game, so if there was pool or board games or something, I’d stay longer than if there were no games, no dancing, no alcohol, etc. So it’s not so much a I HAVE TO DRINK thing, more that it just makes the whole socializing a bit more enjoyable in the same way that a game or dancing might make it more enjoyable.
Post # 69
MrsEME: I agree, it does seem like the drinking crowd stays later, as they are “partying”.
And I regret not asking folks to include what early means to them, because I think that is important to the discussion.
I think, as PPs have said, staying through the first dance and cake cutting is the minimum, for me. I also agree that, if having a dry wedding, the hosts should take guest’s comfort into mind and not string out the event into a five or six hour deal. Ceremony, dinner, dance, cake – 3.5 to 4 hours, tops.
Post # 70
codysgirl16: Oh just to clarify, when I say “leave early” I mean I would stay through dessert and cake cutting and all that, make sure to wish bride and groom good luck/best wishes, and then I’d slip out. Anything less than that is rude IMO. However, I probably wouldn’t stay until midnight.
Post # 71
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
oneofthesethings: I don’t “care” about my guests because I prefer their company when they’re NOT intoxicated? Wow. Okay.
Edit: Putting this here to add I really DON’T like arguing with people because I legitimately believe people should be allowed to do whatever they want with their own money and their own wedding without being critisized for it. Obviously this is a hot issue today, but it’s seriously getting really old AND hurtfl for it to be implied that brides such as much just don’t give a crap about our guests simply based on the fact that we don’t care for drinking and don’t want our guests to either, completely disregarding all the time, thought and money we put into other areas in order for our family and friends to have a fun day with us celebrating.
Post # 72
codysgirl16: I would say that if I wasn’t drinking….depending on your timeline, I’d likely leave by 10pm. If I had kids with me- by 9pm. 10pm is a pretty “standard night out” without partying for us.
Post # 73
Post # 75
I posted earlier but I’ll clarify leaving “early”. I would stay through dinner, speeches, cake etc., but probably leave around 9-9:30 versus staying and partying until midnight.