(Closed) Spin Off (sort of): Would you leave early just because it was a Cash Bar or Dry?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

no i wouldnt and honestly i am going to get flammed for this probably…but i think for a wedding for two peoples special day….you should be able to hang up your opinions on the matter….because honestly it shouldnt matter and if it matters that much then maybe you arent going to the wedding for the right reasons…yes it is a party BUT i mean common…how many people can seriously afford an all open free for all on drinks….ive seen people complain because well how rude to only offer an open bar for beer and wine…i feel like this is a redikulous problem to have…esp after talking to family elders where weddings were about the couple getting married then cake and punch and done….not an all out blow out…

and yes ive been to dry weddings that werent as fun…but then again im not much of a drinker…and to be perfectly honest i have left 10X MORE weddings that were open bar because people got redikulous drunk and made it miserable for everyone else….yeah they had a great time…but everyone else was irritated by them acting like a drunken ass…

so flame on…but really for one night is it really that bad to pay for your own drinks…if you go to a friends bday party at a bar for apps and beers is that person a shitty friend if you have to pay for your own stuff to celebrate with them and should just not have a party since they cant pay for anyone….i think this argument gets redikulous and old….and until i joined the bee i had no idea how insaine people got about the issue….where im from you just go with it…hell we have been to a TON of BYOB weddings…and cash bars and dry weddings….honestly there is so much to take in at a persons wedding that i feel like focusing on what free booze is provided is kind of silly…of course for us weddings are a time to catch up with family….and our families can have a good time drinking or sober….but i guess whatever your pergoative is….i get that not everyone grew up where i did…but really calling someones wedding horrible and leaving early because the booze isnt free…really…how good of a friend/relative/whatever you are to the couple can you be if you base it soley on wether or not they will get you and 400 other people drunk for free…sometimes you make sacrifies in wedding planning to have the wedding you want…and ya know what go ahead and flame us then because we are having a cash bar….but you know what…because we are we got to upgrade our food get better and more of it, get a better dj, more cake, and invite about 80 more relatives then we would have if we paid for booze….i guess id rather have more people who mean something to us there then worry about pissing someone off because they cant get drunk on my dime because its technically a party…

but like i said flame on…i fully assume that i will get flammed for this opinion but whatever life is life….and i never realized it was an issue until wedding websites…and i know that no one at ours will have an issue….and we provided full warning for all of our guests that there will be a cash bar and our reception venue has an atm…so whatevs…

Post # 77
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

No, I wouldn’t leave early if it were dry/cash bar.  I am not really a drinker, so it doesn’t bother me.  If I weren’t feeling well, or if it were boring, then I would leave.  But I think leaving because it is dry or cash bar is rude.  I know some people drink to loosen up, but I have been to many events (in my family!) that there have been arguments or people being total idiots because there was alcohol available.

Post # 78
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

I would have no problem with a cash bar. People pay for their own drinks and even dinners at weddings in the country where I live so that wouldn’t bother me at all. However, I could see myself getting bored at a dry wedding, so I might leave early in that case. 

Post # 79
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

codysgirl16:  I would leave early if there was no booze whatsoever. I don’t mind paying but a dry reception sucks imo. 

Post # 80
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

codysgirl16:  I wouldn’t leave, but I find in regards to a dry wedding more specifically, people tend to end the night earlier. Instead of staying until midnight they might leave at 10:30. That being said, you can still have an amazing time without drinking, a glass of wine or champagne at dinner is always nice for toasting though (even at a dey wedding I think).

Post # 81
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

codysgirl16:  No. I wouldn’t leave if it were a cash bar or if it were a dry wedding. I’m there to see the 2 people I know, get married. Anything else is a bonus.

Post # 82
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

TwinkleBoss:  peole having access to desert doesn’t change the entire tone of an evening or event in most cases. I would bet that controlling for all other factors, having an extra desert or not wouldn’t change anything about how early people leave, and yet alcohol decidedly does. the two are not comparable. and again, i never said not offering alcohol automatically makes you a poor host, i just believe it is more considerate to provide it, considering the overwhelming majority of people prefer to have a drink when they celebrate something. exceptions, of course, for some groups and cultures, but i am speaking generally. I think a quick puruse of this and pretty much every other thread on this exact topic would also support this notion.

codysgirl16:  who ever said anything about me having an all out lavish shindig? I definitely went to great lengths to plan a fun event for my guests, but I never said anything on this thread about having the ability to do anything and everything for them they could ever possibly want. Easy now. It’s perfectly possible to provide access to alcohol on the cheap depending on your venue, guest list size, type served, etc etc etc.

I agree that peacing out right afetr the vows are exchanged becasue you don’t like something about the reception is rude. Even in the example I described, I didn’t leave before any of the important parts of the reception or even before waiting through a massive recieving line. To me “early” in the context = earlier than I would have had there been alcohol (and in that case I mentioned earlier, an adaquate meal).

However, it’s ridiculous to me for a “host” to expect the full gamut of captivated support when opting not to provide something that i KNOW many of my guests probably consider to be requisite or at least a MAJOR point of enhancement for their evening when they are expected to interact with strangers, dance, be light hearted, up beat, energetic in a party setting….etc etc. Stepping out an hour or two earlier than you otherwise would have had you been able to relax with some wine =/= not supporting the marriage of people you love. They can still support you without literally staying until the lights come back on. I had a couple of people leave my (apparently) “lavish shindig” a bit early for varying reasons, one in particular I personally wouldn’t leave a wedding early over, but it’s their preogative and I don’t consider them any less supportive of me.

The bottom line is that if you plan an event when you know it will be lacking something important in your guests’ eyes, whether or not how YOU feel about it, it’s unrealistic to expect it not to affect their behavior at all and just unfair to slap them with the selfish label when it does.

Post # 83
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

NO!!! If I am taking time out to go to a wedding, I am going to have a good time and stay. I am fine with dancing and relaxing without NEEDING a drop of alcohol. I would take a serious step back and look at my life if I could not enjoy myself without the use of some substance, regardless of what. I would go to a cake and punch wedding, a wedding with appetizers and tea. I would just be happy to celebrate with a couple that I care about. 

Post # 84
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m so backwards from most of the replies.  If the cash bar is pricey (like the only wedding with a cash bar I’ve been to – but I’ve only been to three weddings) yep, I’ll duck out early.  I don’t mind paying for a few drinks but I’m not spending $40 on drinks that would cost me $20 downtown, and I haaaate being the only sober person.  I’ll stay through cake and toasts and whatnot.

I’m actually more likely to stay later at a dry wedding because even if we aren’t doing much dancing, at least no one is drinking and I can genuinely enjoy people’s company.

Post # 85
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

codysgirl16:  I wouldn’t leave early, nor would I really care if I was at a dry/cash bar/whathaveyou wedding. I’ve left more weddings early because of overly drunk guests. I think it’s goofy how very irritated people get at the mention of dry or cash bars, but I can understand that they can prefer alcohol, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all, but just like it’s the bride/groom’s choice to have or not have alcohol there, its the guests’ choice on how long to stay, and I think people shouldn’t be personally offended either way. 

Post # 86
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

It would depend! If I know a good number of people present and enjoy them, I will stay later. If I only know a few people, I will duck out after the main events are done/after dessert. I socialize politely with strangers for a living. It isn’t necessarily fun all the time for me, but it would be more often than not with a couple glasses of wine. 

Post # 87
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

In short- cash bar, no. Dry wedding, more than likely! Sorry not sorry. 

I don’t care about “etiquette” at all. I would MUCH rather see a cash bar than a dry wedding. Please don’t make me sit through your wedding surrounded by people I don’t know completely sober. Give me the option to buy my own drink, I gladly will! 

Im actually going to a wedding tomorrow that is dry. I’m already assuming we will stay for the ceremony, dinner, and not much longer than that. It is going to be a huge wedding with no one that we know (except the bride and groom). Unfortunately that makes it a little awkward for us. If we had a couple drinks to loosen us up and make us more talkative to the guests around us, I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case. 

It’s also our Saturday night. Fiance and I both work long 10 hour days. We like to have fun on the weekend, which always involves drinks for us. 

Post # 88
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

If it’s boring wedding. I’ll leave early. IMO boring doesn’t have anything to do with a cash/dry bar.

Post # 89
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

TwinkleBoss:  “It’s nice to be nice to your guests. But I think if I’m going to be the one pouring thousands of dollars into an event that “isn’t as special to other people as it is to me”, then I can spend money on that junk that no one else gives a crap about because I sure as hell DO give a crap.”

wow- that comment makes it sound like you view your guests as accessories or an afterthought! It’s totally fine to choose not to concern yourself with the comfort or enjoyment of guests and just do exactly what you want…assuming you elope. 

Post # 90
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

To be honest, OP, based on the tone and content of your responses, you are having a dry wedding and were hoping for more justification here. You haven’t gotten it and you come off as very defensive.

The topic ‘Spin Off (sort of): Would you leave early just because it was a Cash Bar or Dry?’ is closed to new replies.

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