(Closed) Spin Off (sort of): Would you leave early just because it was a Cash Bar or Dry?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 121
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would like to say that I’d stay regardless, but every cash bar/dry wedding I’ve been to, I’ve left early out of sheer boredom. Alcohol makes people dance in a lot of cases, and the liquid courage makes it more fun (plus makes me forget my feet hurt!)

Post # 122
319 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
MarriedToMyWork:  This. I do agree and think that many PP will agree that while we all can have fun without alcohol, people can’t expect the same type of feel/vibe at a dry wedding. And that is ok, it sounds like from a lot of PP’s comments in support of dry weddings, that they specifically do not want that sort of vibe anyway. 

While I can have a good time, and would not base my desire to stay or go based on booze, I want to feel like the reception is a fun and welcoming place, and a well-hosted “thank you” for attending the couple’s wedding and ceremony. If you want a dry wedding, by all means, but allow the guests to feel welcome and well-hosted in other ways and don’t be disappointed if some guests choose to leave early or don’t dance, etc…and the vibe is slightly different. 

For e.g., the last dry wedding my DH and I attended, I was pregnant, so booze or no booze mattered 0% to me. But the drinks were caffeine only, there was only tap water and no ice available (95+ degrees and no water/ice isn’t a great call), and there were not enough desserts for all the guests. I also felt as though the couple tried to “control” the leaving early, perhaps bc of the lack of alcohol, by stretching the events out wayyy to much. The reception began at 5:30/6pm and dinner was not served until 9:30 and dessert, which was already not enough for all of the guests, not until 10:30pm. I felt a little bit put out. Not bc of the booze, I was pregnant after all, but because it seemed like the timeline choices were made to sort of “force” people to stay and mingle without actually creating that atmosphere. Perhaps if there had been cocktails with appetizers or wine with dinner, people wouldn’t have been upset by the pace of the evening and been itching to leave (which I overheard several people mention). 

My feeling is just be the best hosts you can be, and if you cannot or do not want alcohol present, then let the vibe naturally take on whatever it does, but don’t try to force a party scene or expect people to stay all night long without setting yourself up for success. It’s not your job to teach your guests a lesson in having fun sober, anymore than it is your guests job to stay long enough to suit your fancy — just do what you please for your party and let your guests enjoy it (or not enjoy it) as they please, and everyone will end up happier for it. 

Post # 123
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

nah. i don’t need alcohol to have fun. although i’d much prefer an open bar all night long haha. 

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