(Closed) SPIN-OFF TOPIC – Are You Ok with Lap Dances ?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Are You OK with your BF - SO - Fiance - Husband getting a Lap Dance from a Stripper etc ?

    NO

    YES - Tell me WHY...

  • Post # 197
    Member
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    In theory I’m ok with it (it’s not his thing)

    If he actually had one I’m sure it would bother me some what but wouldn’t be a dealbreaker unless it became frequent or he would rather be doing that than, well. me.

    Post # 198
    Member
    4758 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It’s hard for me to answer honestly, because my DH has never even seen a stripper or been to a strip club, so I can’t speak from experience as to my feelings if he did.

    But… I would say I’m okay with watching strippers (in a legit strip club, not a hotel/home), but no touching, including lap dances.

    Post # 199
    Member
    4430 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I said yes…because it doesn’t bother me…..he told me he actually had one at his now brother in laws stag party and i laughed.

    Post # 200
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I don’t mind it on occasion and I have also gotten lap dances for him, and he has gotten them for me.  I’m cool cuz I know he would rather get them from me!

     

    Post # 201
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    In theory, I don’t really think it’s *that* big of a deal. In practice, I think it’d probably make me a little bit insecure. Luckily, my fiance gets weirded out by strip clubs & the like, because he thinks it’s awkward to get turned on in a room full of other guys lol. I think the bottom line is that a guy should respect his woman’s opinion about this. I don’t think women who are against them are crazy, and I want a man who respects my boundaries, even if he doesn’t necessarily view things the same way, because that means he respects me.

    Post # 202
    Member
    5427 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If you find that the sex industry is not for you, then express it to your partner and in very explicit details. Actions such as “lap dances” for example “lap dances” could mean different things to different people. For some it may mean the girl is grinding your crotch and has boobs in your face, ha ha, how funny, I have an erection oops well that’s okay… for others it means getting off, going all the way to orgasm.  They have an erection and come in their pants. They don’t feel like they’re “cheating” because they did not have intercourse. But their partner will probably think otherwise: they just had “sex” with the aid of another woman, not their significant other, fiancée or wife.

    To me, I would be explicit in my details so I won’t be upset or disappointed if my Fiance goes to a strip club. He used to be a bouncer and had a lap dance by a stripper who went all the way to intercourse and orgasm because it was his birthday. (I can just imagine what they’d do to him for his bachelor party)

    He used to go to strip clubs for the free dinners that all he had to do was pay for his glass of beer and watched sports on TV, he would shoo the strippers away, sometimes with force, because they were bugging him,  all he wanted to do was watch his sports and get a free dinner! So I would be okay if my Fiance went to a strip club with other guys, because he knows about the industry. But I would not be okay with lap dances or girls being around him. Go back on stage ladies… this one is not for the taking… SHOOOOO!

    Post # 203
    Member
    3354 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    View original reply
    @Styles:  people like that, who pay their way through med school, are just awe-inspiring to me. I don’t care that they’re stripping, that’s just amazing!

    Post # 204
    Member
    1546 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Eh, I don’t care, probably b/c I know DH doesn’t get them when he goes, but if he did once in a blue moon it wouldn’t bother me, as long as they were out in the open, not in some back room. If it was a habit it would bother me though. DH rarely goes to strip clubs, he basically goes to them for his friends’ bach parties. I bought DH a lap dance in Vegas once, it was more funny than anything. Yes her slick baby oiled boobs were in his face, then mine, whatever, they’re just boobs. I’m sure DH thought she was hot but he didn’t get an erection, it was more of a fun thing. I guess it really depends on the guy and the location. When you go to a strip club you can tell what guys just LIVE to go there and are all about the strippers. Then there are guys that go b/c they have friends that want to and their SO’s don’t mind. We have one married guy friend in our group that LOVES strip clubs, it’s kinda gross. When DH & I eloped he was all mad that he got “screwed out of a bachelor party”. I told him if it means that much to him to see strippers then just go on your own! If this friend was my DH I would careif he was out getting lap dances because its such a big deal to him. I think it depends on the relationship. I just don’t think of lap dances as a big deal, it’s 99% boobs in your face. Now escorsts that go to homes is a no for me. If DH wanted to have his nose right next to someone’s woo hoo that wouldn’t fly. Nor would sex shows and all that jazz. I guess I’m ok with full nudity looking from a distance and boobs and butt up close. Girls in my state have to wear panties.

    Post # 205
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee

    View original reply
    @OldMrsMcDonald:  LOL Your frustration with the replacement officials sounds very familiar to my Fiance and I 🙂

    No, lap dances aren’t ok. I don’t like strip clubs or anything of the sort either. Thankfully, he has no interest in them, so it’s all good.

    To add, I think everyone is getting way too defensive about people that don’t like strippers. I personally don’t like the idea that any woman in a profession would use their womanly assets to get ahead. I suppose it’s different for strippers though because that IS their profession. Still, just because I don’t have an appreciation for what they do for a living doesn’t mean I would treat them any differently as a person. Hell, I’ve seen plenty of ladies on here call psychology a bunch of useless nonsense. Disliking and not understanding stripping is no different. Doesn’t mean you are hating on the individuals!

    Post # 206
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my FH went to a strip club regularly for lap dances but I don’t see an issue with the bachelor party so long as the debauchery that happened in the referenced post (straight up sex on the Bee’s living room floor) doesn’t happen.  But if he were into lap dances from strippers regularly we probably wouldn’t be getting married.  I know that I need to set very specific ground rules with my FH and the groomsmen before the bachelor party though (and no matter how G-rated, no part of that party will happen in my home!)

    Post # 207
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I voted no – because I find it crosses a line for me.

    I am surprised to read that some women have gone so far as to buy a lap dance for their OH!

    Mine wouldn’t go to one as he would be uncomfortable being happily married.

     

    Post # 208
    Member
    1584 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I so don’t care. My Fiance and I have a relationship based on trust. I trust him to not be with me and not go sleeping with other girls.
     

    These women who work at stripclubs are there for a job.  There is no emotional attachment, there is no pleasure for the woman. Once she’s done, she’ll forget his face and only remember that he paid $10 for a dance. I see this the same way I see porn. It isn’t competition, it’s just a change of pace. Hell, I have encouraged him to go to go to strip clubs (though when you go as a couple, they like you better). He is kind of skeeved out by the concept.

     
    But yes, if it was another woman who was grinding on him, we’d have issues. The connection between him and a stripper is the same as him and a doctor grabbing his balls. Cold and emotionless.

     

    ETA: Btw, that original post that spawned this? I WOULD have a problem with having my home turned into a strip joint and being lied to. Less for the act, more for the lie.

    Post # 209
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I don’t like lap dances for myself, and I certainly don’t like them for my husband. It isn’t that I think the stripper is going to seduce my husband and have sex with him in the champagne room. It’s that I don’t like the thought of him being aroused by a live naked woman besides me. Call it what you want….it’s just the way I am. The day he said, ” I do”.. was the day he vowed I would be his one and only. And to me that includes being the only one he sees naked, in person of course.

    Post # 210
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    All of the generalizations and judgement on this thread make me sad.

    To summerize the apparent “truths”:

    – A married man who enjoys strip clubs and/or lap dances has no respect for his wife or their relationship.

    – Relationships where strip clubs and/or lap dances are okay are a “free for all” that are doomed to fail because they aren’t truely a marriage.

    – Strippers have lower moral and ethical standards.

    – Strippers are money hungry.

    – Strippers are actually all prostitutes who are going to try to have sex with the men who come to strip clubs.

    I thought the women here were a bit more open minded.  Just because you don’t choose to partake in something doesn’t make those who make a different decision inherently wrong or awful people.

    Post # 211
    Member
    1546 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @Mrs.KMM:  Yes! love your post. I almost had a stripper for a SIL and she was a great person and had no intentions of cheating on my younger brother who I’m very protective of. Do I think it was a great career choice for her? No. Do I understnad why she chose? Yes. 

    Just because some of us choose to have more open, less restrictive relationships don’t make them any less genuine.

    The topic ‘SPIN-OFF TOPIC – Are You Ok with Lap Dances ?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors