(Closed) SPIN-OFF TOPIC – Are You Ok with Lap Dances ?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Are You OK with your BF - SO - Fiance - Husband getting a Lap Dance from a Stripper etc ?

    NO

    YES - Tell me WHY...

  • Post # 212
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I don’t care because FH has never gotten one. He looks at it as if you can’t actually get the “happy ending” then what’s the point? However, I am not opposed to him getting one, if he went to a strip club. 

    Post # 213
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

    I am fine with lap dances and strip clubs.  I consider them like porn, which I also don’t have a problem with, because we’re human beings with sex drives, and to forget that is a big mistake.  

    I am way more lenient about sex because I think the minute you set a hard boundary or become some harpy partner, then relationships start to desenigrate because baseline somewhere there is mistrust.  For me, lap dances aren’t cheating, it’s just another form of arousal out of many that occur day to day.  Since men and women’s needs for arousal are different, I think I lot of men’s actions get the brunt of women’s rage.  We’re more mental, they’re more visual.

    My now-hubby had his own bachelor party a few months back.  Being forced to think of situations that would make me uncomfortable was in interesting experience.  The most I asked him to refrain from was to not have sex with anyone and no kissing on the mouth (which sounds very ‘Pretty Woman’, I know.)  He laughed that those were my requests, mainly becuase they were things he had no interest in doing, and that they were so broad.

     Bottom line is that I feel secure in our relationship, our love for each other, and that me being the uptight fun-police would do more to hurt our relationship than him touching a strippers ass- especially when said stripper’s ass wouldn’t bother me that much to begin with.

    It was all for naught, though, because they kept with boozing and eating during a weekend away.  And if they are keeping some stripper fun a secret…I don’t really care.

    Post # 214
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Ditto Strawbs! How awesome it must be to be dept free.. specially coming out of med school! lol

    Post # 215
    Member
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Im totally ok simply for the fact that when my fiance went to New Orleans and went to every strip club on Bourbon Street, I sent my honey back for a lap dance at one of the skankier strip clubs, he didnt know that I was watching or listening in but he looked terribly uncomfortable and told the stripper “Im sorry but Im just not comfortable touching your breasts”. I laughed my ass off and smiled on the inside. 

    Post # 216
    Member
    9800 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I wouldn’t care if he got a lap dance out in the middle of a club for his bachelor party.  It would probably be the other guys buying it anyway, I don’t see him ever purchasing one.  If it was something he felt he had to do every month on his own, then yes, I would have a problem with it because I would get jealous.  One night for his bachelor party…no, I wouldn’t care.  I wouldn’t care if he went for others’ parties either, but I wouldn’t want him constantly doing it (just because, if you will).

    Personally, I’ve had my fair share of lap dances and I’ve gone a decent amount of times in the past with groups of friends.   I always had a good time, and I did know some of the strippers, and they were very nice people. I would never think some stripper was out to seduce ANY man in the crowd.  However, I do know (2) friends who have received more than just a lap dance in the private room…but they were also SINGLE.

    Post # 217
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I went with my husband to a strip club during his bach party as we had a combined couples one. Normal I would not tolerate him going to a strip club or getting a lap dance but I was ok with it that night for 2 reasons.

    1. I was with him.

    2. I know that he did not enjoy the lap dance in the least because his best man paid for them to rough him up. The more money the audience throw the rougher they got. There was nothing sensual about it or mildly arousing for him to be whipped with a belt or bounced on forcefully. I am the one in the relationship that tends to want to be handled in a rougher way. He ended up with black and blue marks on his behind with the little money that was thrown.

    I was also okay with a stripper making him motorboat her because frankly my boobs were way superior to what hers was. In general, the girls actually paid more attention to me than they did him.

    Post # 218
    Member
    679 posts
    Busy bee

    No, I am not OK with lap dances.

    It’s not because I don’t trust my Fiance — even if he were to get a lap dance it wouldn’t make me think he was going to cheat on me or leave me. I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of another woman putting her naked sexy bits anywhere near my FI’s naughty bits. The only woman’s sexy bits he needs to be up close and personal with are mine, and only I get to be up close and personal with his.

    It’s not because I have anything against strippers, either. I don’t think they’re bad people or have bad intentions. I don’t mind Fiance going to a strip club and just watching but not participating. I don’t love it and I don’t encourage it, but it doesn’t upset me.

    I just feel there are some things in my relationship that I want to be sacred and our sexualities are on that list.

    I wouldn’t forbid him from getting a lap dance because I don’t believe in “allowing” SOs do things and I don’t believe in ultimatums. However, I have expressed to him that I would be uncomfortable with a lap dance or any kind of physical contact with a stripper, and I expect that he will respect my feelings. If he doesn’t respect my feelings, THAT is the issue, not the stripper or lap dance in and of itself.

    In the same fashion, if he told me that he REALLY wanted a lap dance and could sit down with me and discuss it rationally and make me understand why, maybe I’d change my tune. Luckily he agrees with me and doesn’t feel a lap dance is something he would want enough to upset me.

    Side story, Fiance went to a bachelor party recently for a college buddy and they went to a strip club. The “bachelor” aka the groom received several private dances and the stripper whipped him with a belt to the point where he had raised black and blue welts on his butt. The groom then told all of the guys in attendance not to tell his fiancée that they had gone to a strip club because she wouldn’t like it. That to me is the problem — that the guy is doing something he knows the person he loves wouldn’t be comfortable with and that he is OK with being deceitful about it. I would also really like to know how he planned to explain the welts…

    Post # 219
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    i trust my mister.  he can go to a strip club and get a lap dance if he wants but i know he wont.  first off he is way too cheap and he doesnt like strip clubs.

    Post # 220
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    This is NOT OKAY.

    Luckily my Fiance is very religious AND a germaphobe, he wouldn’t touch a strip club (let alone a stripper) with a ten foot pole. 

     

    Post # 221
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @Mrs.c.to.bee- Totally get the germaphobe thing! lol

    From my other posts I am ok with it and in reality he doesn’t even care about them or want a lap dance and he used to frequent clubs.. he was single, I dont really blame a guy. lol Ive gone with him. …But the germs floating around… ick! lol Id rather have the girls boobs up in his face than him touching anything in the club and I dont mean humans! lol

    @anneapple- Agreed. “That to me is the problem — that the guy is doing something he knows the person he loves wouldn’t be comfortable with and that he is OK with being deceitful about it. I would also really like to know how he planned to explain the welts…”

    Deceitful=disrespect

    Post # 222
    Member
    3450 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    No, I would not be okay with my husband getting a lap dance.

    Post # 223
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee

    While I have absolutely no issue with strippers (they are just doing their job) I am not okay with my guy getting a lap dance. Knowing he looks at porn annoys me but I don’t dwell on that — those are just pictures or videos. But actually having another human being ride up on him like that in the flesh is just too close to cheating for me.

    I know he’d be outrageously pissed off if I ever got a lap dance from a male stripper with gigantic, crazy muscles and whatever else, so it’s not a double standard. He and I have talked about this before, and we’re on the same page as far as I know…but I think that’s the key here: you guys have to be on the same page. 

    Post # 224
    Member
    663 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

    View original reply
    @Peony007:  LOVE this. Such a great idea!

    Post # 225
    Member
    1144 posts
    Bumble bee

    My fiance told me he actually dislikes going to strip clubs, it’s not what he thinks is a fun activity. I know he’s been at bachelor parties and if he did get a lap dance, it wasn’t of his own doing (the guys would pay one for him or whatever) and he was honest about it. There are very stritct rules at strip clubs here (no touching, etc) and I know he would never go to the champagne room. Am I impressed? No. Am I pissed? No. I know him well enough to know that a stripper grinding up on him really isn’t his thing. If he’s going to cheat, he’ll cheat with a random girl, not a stripper. lol (Not that he would ever)

    Post # 226
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Not going to reply to each individually, but I stand by what I said. Did I saw ALL? No, I didn’t. Did I say that’s the only reason you’re being cheated on b/c you allow that? No, I didn’t. Don’t say I’m implying things- sorry we’re taught not to imply anything in law school and I stand by it. I say exactly what I feel. Am I entitled to my opinon? Yes, I am. Are you entitled to yours? Sure. So, don’t jump down MY throat, because I don’t agree with YOUR views. Maybe you shouldn’t be so close-minded about people who have different views than you.

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