(Closed) SPIN-OFF TOPIC – Are You Ok with Lap Dances ?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Are You OK with your BF - SO - Fiance - Husband getting a Lap Dance from a Stripper etc ?


    YES - Tell me WHY...

  • Post # 17
    10450 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Nope, not ok with strippers at all. 

    Post # 18
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    He’d be way more uncomfortable with it than I am. It really doesn’t phase me, but then I’ve known a lot of strippers over the years and spent more time in strip clubs than many men. Even the filthiest shows are just a job, rather than a ploy to get into a man’s pants.

    Post # 19
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Meh, it doesn’t bother me.  Fiance maybe goes to the strip club like once every two years and he does get a lap dance and it just doesn’t bother me, couldn’t really give a reason why.  I trust him entirely and like I said in a previous post, he’s coming home to me, not going anywhere with her.   

    Post # 20
    1301 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @This Time Round:  Not a chance. No way. I would not be remotely ok with this. 

    Post # 21
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @This Time Round:  

    I am okay with it.

    I really can’t explain it other than to say that I am a very relaxed person about human sexuality in general. Sex is a very natural human act and the hang ups about it in modern society are baffling to me. From what I understand a lot of other countries (not the US, I mean) are much more relaxed about nudity and such, although I’m not certain exactly how different they are.

    My Fiance loves me and I trust him without question. If he gets some enjoyment and entertainment out of it, that’s totally fine with me. I know who he’s coming home to at night.

    I hope we both get strippers at our bachelor(ette) parties. 

    Post # 22
    218 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would only be okay with it if I went with my DH.  However, I never have to worry about it because my DH has never been to any type of strip club and will not ever want to go to one, which is funny because I have been to several!

    Post # 23
    2175 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Fiance and I had this conversation last night in response to the colorful bachelor-party-at-home debate from yesterday.

    I am NOT ok with lap dances.  That’s my man.  He has me to do all of those things for him, for free, without an audience.  

    His response was that there is no emotion involved, and it’s just for fun.  “All they do is grind on you and touch your upper body, it’s not like they’re going to j–k me off.”

    I disagree, because I think cheating can be non-emotional and can start out just as innocuous as he feels a lap dance is.  He felt that was unfair.

    I turned the tables– would he be upset if a male stripper was giving me a lapdance and touching me?  He initially said no, but once I painted a more graphic picture, he changed his mind.  

    We never came to a consensus and will revisit the topic soon when we aren’t both falling asleep/getting mad at the NFL replacement refs.  

    Post # 24
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Luckily I don’t have to worry about this sort of thing because my husband’s friends don’t take him to such places and he doesn’t go on his own.  BUT, if he had gotten a lap dance, I probably wouldn’t care unless it became a habit.  I’m pretty secure in how he feels about me.

    Post # 25
    509 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t judge other people’s views or beliefs, and it wouldn’t be the end of the world either way, but as a rule, not my thing.  It’s not my SO’s thing either so no issue there.

    It’s a slippery slope (no pun intended) because once you start debating the whole sexuality thing, someone somewhere is going to disagree with your rationalization.  For instance, state of undress, physical proximity, physical attributes, etc., etc.  Does that mean girls in bikinis, or fully nude? Young girls, mature women, shoe size? Not sure why I said shoe size but you get my drift.

    People are sexual beings and the idea that my SO will never be sexually attracted to someone else, or that I may never be sexually attracted to another man, is wishful thinking.  It’s what choices are made about it.  I can’t make my man stay with me and, quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to.  If I’m not ‘enough’ in some area for him then I’m not the woman he should be with.

    Post # 26
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’m okay with it.  It’s only a lap dance.  I can probably count on one hand the number of times my SO has been to the strip club in the last 5 years.  If he wants to go out for a bachelor party and get a lap dance, so be it.  I’m secure enough in my relationship to know nothing is going to happen & he is still going to come home to sleep next to me.  I trust him 110%.  Would I be thrilled it happened?  No, but it’s not the worst thing in the world.

    Post # 27
    267 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’m okay with it. I should say that it would have to be an occasional thing, and not him frequenting strip clubs every weekend. But if he’s out for a bachelor party or it’s at his own and he gets one it won’t be a big deal to me.

    Post # 28
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    I feel a lap dance is SUPER sexual, which is why I say no. There is a difference between going to a strip club and looking (which I’m not 100% comfortable with, but hey, whatever) and paying a naked woman to grind on your crotch.

    Post # 29
    5949 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Ok, I’m actually REALLY happy that someone brought this thread about because while I understand that the adult entertainment industry in Canada is vastly different than here in the US, I can only express what I’ve experienced, and honestly, it’s not a big deal to me. 

    In college, my freshman year roommate had a falling out with her parents and needed a job to pay her tuition, guess what job she got?  That’s right, stripping in a town about 30 minutes away, she didn’t have a car and I did, she offered to pay for the gas and half the maintenance on my car if I would drive her…which I did.  So, I got called a lot to drive to this strip club and pick up my roommate, who was either taking a spin on the poll, doing a lap dance or working on her biology 101 paper….

    We need to stop villifying these women, that’s all they are, women.  They are people’s daughters, students, girlfriends, and moms.  And this is how they choose to make money.  I don’t feel for a moment that they are out to steal my man, sleep with him or otherwise cross the line…my roommate never once did anything untoward with a client and in spite of the intimate nature of her scope of work, you’d be surprised how many times she ended up just getting an earful from some guy while she shimmied and bounced all over his lap.

    We also hosted a bachelor party at my house, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but due to illness Mr. 99 and I decided I would stay home and out of sight so that the guys could cut loose…the strippers came, they needed a place to put their stuff and when they saw the pale, sniffling mess upstairs in a room they were all so nice, trying to be quiet and seeing if I needed them to ask someone to bring me anything from downstairs.  I can tell you it was one hell of a show, and out of courtesy to my white carpet they put a velvet throw thingy on the floor, probably cause it looks pretty and it kept the freaking glitter from getting everywhere…they did their stuff, embarassed the hell out of the groom and went home, one of them had a kid with the same crud I got and the other needed to be ready for her other job in the morning….

    I think every couple has to decide if this bothers them or not, and I think whatever works for a couple is good, but I also encourage people to take a minute to see these entertainers as people too…the fact is, Mr. 99 is terribly uncomfortable with them and always has been, the strippers were hired to appease the groom, but he’s gone to a couple of wild bachelor parties and come home to tell me all of it, with a marked distinterest and almost horrified curiosity about the entire display…it’s not sexual…it’s a novelty.

    Post # 30
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    DH worked as a bouncer at a strip club when we were dating. I really didn’t care. I don’t think he got any lap dances, but I wouldn’t care if he did.

    To me, it’s just a form of entertainment. I’m the woman he comes home to and has started a family with.

    Post # 31
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I have a problem with strip clubs and strippers in general so that would mean lap dances are off the table.

    The only acceptable lap dance would be some type of joke. We have friends that hired an older lady stripper (she was 60) and it was hilarious and good natured. It was more va va voom than x-rated.

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