(Closed) Spin-Off – Wedding Invite etiquette for people you DON'T want there?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?

    Invite both regardless of feelings

    Invite neither

    Invite only the guest you want there only, you don't have to invite people that don't matter to you

  • Post # 16
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee

    I subscribe to married, live together, engaged rule as my baseline. (Though, this is something of great dispute).

    For a larger wedding, I would include relationships 6 months and up for friends EVEN if I didn’t like the SO. But my cousins arent getting a SO invite because I don’t even know if they have an SO and they are traveling with family/only being invited as a courtesy to my aunts/uncles. To any friend traveling great distances I would extend a plus one EVEN if I didn’t like their current partner, etc. because I think it’s unfair to ask someone to travel alone if they don’t want too. In both cases, if I don’t like the date and his presence would upset me, I wouldn’t invite the friend. 

    For an intimate wedding, I would adhere strictly to the married, engaged, live-together rule unless I knew the SO and was inviting them as a guest. In this case, I think it would be okay to not invite someone a friend is dating unless they had confided in me that they were serious and planning on getting engaged. I might reconsider if the friend would not know other guests out of courtesy to them. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t really have a hard and fast rule like other Bees. For me it would depend upon the strength of the relationship with the person I wanted there. Family? I would invite the partner. Close friend? Invite parter. Less close friend? if they have other friends there from the same group I wouldn’t invite the partner. Work colleage? probably lean to not inviting partner.

    I would have to have a good reason to invite a partner I haven’t met a number of times as well. If i am close enough to someone to want to invite them to my wedding I *should* know their partner also. I don’t want a bunch of strangers at our life changing event.

    it sounds like you know this person (unfortunately well enough not to want them there) and I’m guessing you or your Fiance are close friends with the partner so i’m thinking you might have to invite both or none. Can you invite both and seat them at a table on the periphery and have pic set ups that mean only the friend is in them? i.e. pics without partners.

    Post # 18
    Member
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I voted that you should invite neither. The reason I say that is because if they’re in a relationship that you’re aware of, it’ll do nothing but cause issues if you invite one and not the other. I am not married yet, but for the past 3 1/2 years it’s been very well known that my Fiance and I were in a serious relationship and that we were a package deal for events. So if he was invited to things and I was not, it caused problems. Which happened a few times with a friend who had a serious adjustment period to our relationship. I know that’s not your issue at all, and your reasons make total sense for not wanting the partner there…but just don’t cause waves. It’s the last thing you need. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    6331 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Inviting neither would probably lead to the last drama overall. How long have these people been dating? Are they living together? You could get away with inviting the friend but not the partner if they aren’t that serious yet and you limit the plus ones to married or engaged people or those living together. He/she might still try to get a plus one for the date though.

    Post # 20
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - Calamigos Ranch

    I’ve known people who used length of relationship to rule out potential plus 1s. For example, my now fiance and I were dating a few months and he moved back home so we could be in the same city. But I wasn’t allowed to go to one of his closest friends weddings because we hadn’t been dating 6 or more months. Not saying that is right or proper, but a rule like that could help minimize the guest list. 

    The topic ‘Spin-Off – Wedding Invite etiquette for people you DON'T want there?’ is closed to new replies.

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