(Closed) WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?! Spinoff from what age was your first time?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
2446 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didn’t really care about losing my virginity. It’s a constraint put upon women by society in order to make them feel bad about themselves. I would never judge anyone by how many people they slept with. I just don’t think sex is that big of a deal, sleep with whom you want, as long as you’re being safe and responsible and doing it with a consenting party.

Post # 18
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think waiting as long as possible is a good thing – it just keeps life a little simpler a little longer.  That said, I waited until I was 20 and was like, “I cannot be a 21-year-old virgin.  Enough is enough.”  And when I finally did it with my boyfriend I remember thinking, “THAT’S IT??!?!?!?!???!?”

I would also really hope that my daughter, if I have one, doesn’t wait until marriage for sex.  I think that puts a lot of undue importance on something that is only a part – IMO, a small part – of who you are.

Post # 19
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

Aww OP, that was my comment about my BFF!

I think the whole build up to virginity for me was worth more than the actual act itself. It was just such a huge thing, but then when I had sex it was like “Oh this is fun, but not life changing.” 

Post # 20
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I thinking judging and individual who values their virginity is just as bad as judging people who don’t value their virginity.  Why does it matter to people what an individual thinks of their own virginity?

When people start putting a value on other people’s virginity it becomes a problem.

Post # 21
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP. I place/placed little to no value on my virginity, and I have no regrets about that. I think it’s a very outdated concern, as is one’s “number”. It’s just a number, and why does anyone care? 

Post # 22
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Some people want several sexual partners, while some just want the same sexual partner throughout a lifetime. I don’t think any part of the spectrum should judge the other. What other people do should be of no concern to others. To those who don’t value virginity – that’s fine. But to those that find value in virginity – they aren’t wrong or dumb either. People are just different.

Still yet, I could not have married someone who had a high “number.” My husband and I had discussed this about a week ago. We both agreed that we couldn’t marry someone who had slept with more than a number that’s statistically a pretty small number. But that’s just who we are and it’s the lifestyle we’ve chosen (We’re both each other’s only partner.)

Post # 23
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I lost my virginity when I was 15. It didn’t bother me then and it doesn’t bother me now. I didn’t put much value on it and I didn’t feel like I was missing anything after I lost it. I’ve also had sex with a decent amount of people. To me, sex didn’t have to be this emotion thing. FH has had very few partners and I’ve had several.  It’s not an issue for us and it never has been.

 

 

 

Post # 24
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

For me sex is how you connect on the deepest level with one person. It creates a bond like no other, whether you want it to or not. 

 

It is something I will only ever share with my fiance, after our wedding day

My virginity means a lot to me. It means that I have been able to have control over my primitive urges to hop on my fiance (and other guys) whenever I felt like it. It means that I am able to follow rules that I believe in, and I am able to think with my future in mind rather than act in the moment.

 

It means a lot to me that I will be able to give myself to my fiance wholly on our wedding night. I am proud that I have been able to wait, and I do believe that it’s best to wait for marriage- but I don’t consider myself better or more morally sound than those who do not do so

Post # 25
Member
802 posts
Busy bee

I feel like your virginity does have value. I don’t mean this in a “you should preserve it” kind of way. I feel like it has value in the sense that you can choose what you want to do with it. You could choose to wait for someone, or you could choose to give it away freely – and there’s a certain agency in that, which I think has value. It’s kind of like reclaiming virginity from the male perspective for oneself.

I lost my virginity at 19. I didn’t want to wait for marriage, or wait to be in a relationship. I just ended up doing it. Retrospectively – I wish I had thought it through a little more. Even though it ended up being a good first experience, sometimes I wish I had waited to do it with someone I trusted more. What if it hadn’t been a good experience? What if he hadn’t been considerate? I didn’t really know him, and let myself be pressured by the situation into just giving it up. I just wish I had been more active in the choosing process instead of being like – oh, ok, I guess I’m here, well ok then, might as well just get it over then, any guy is as good as the next.

I don’t think it needs to be an emotional thing, but I do think there needs to be a level of trust. I wasn’t ready for an emotional relationship, but I think I should have taken the time to pick someone I trusted, someone whom I knew would be considerate about my first time, who was on the same page as me in terms of our expectations, someone who I knew was STD-free.

Luckily it wasn’t his first time with a virgin, and he was considerate, and STD-free. But I also didn’t know that he would have wanted a relationship after – and I think I ended up hurting him very much. It definitely taught me a lot about how selfish I could be. I used him more as a means to an end, without thinking about his side of it, and that even though sex doesn’t have to involve emotions – I have to remember that it does take two – and the other person might have feelings that could get hurt. 

Post # 26
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It meant something to me – something in that I did it with someone I really cared about but I was 17 and you know how those relationships go. It didn’t last very long but we really cared about each other and so I’m glad it was him.

So while I wasn’t exactly “waiting” I don’t discount the emotions that are behind it. The bond, and the chemical reaction that takes place can really affect women so it’s not to be taken lightly. I think a girl should find the right person because you don’t know how you will emotionally respond to sex and the person you do it with until you do it.

Post # 27
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I never placed much emphasis on my virginity.  I don’t believe is using it as currency to get something you want, or even to keep a guy.  What WAS a big deal to me was having sex for the first time with my husband.  Not because I was giving it to him, or losing it, or whatever, but because as a Christian, I believe sex is something for married couples to enjoy.

I’ve honestly never understood why some women put themselves on pedestal becasue of their virginity.

I do want to address one comment though:
“One can assume that if a couple is together, they are having sex.”
This is simply NOT true.  I never flaunted my lack of sexual experience to people who didn’t care, but for the people who knew I was a Christian, I would never want them to *assume* I was having sex with my boyfriend.  

Post # 28
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@starrynight:  I completely agree with you. To assume that every couple is having sex is ridiculous. I was with my husband for over 7 years before we married and we waited. It also proves that sex isn’t necessary for a relationship to last. 

Post # 29
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I placed a lot of value on my virginity.  I lost it when I was 18 to my boyfriend of the time.  I did love him very much and thought we would be spending the rest of our lives together.  It didn’t pan out that way however, I later found out he wasn’t the greatest of guys.

I dealt with a lot of regret and loss of self-worth after we broke up when I realized that I’d never have my virginity to give to my future husband.

By no means do I judge anyone for their decision to wait/not wait until marriage to lose their virginity, but it is what I wanted for myself and I had let myself down.  It was something I believed to be special, that you only have one shot to do with the right person.  It was very disappointing knowing that I gave a part of myself to someone who didn’t cherish it nearly as much as I had.

Post # 30
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@AB Bride:  agreed

Post # 31
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I placed a lot of value in my virginity. My mother was a free spirit, and I’m not sure she felt the same way about it when she was young. She made sure to talk with me about sex and she never pressured me to wait, but explained that sex is a bonding experience.  I lost my virginity at 17 to my boyfriend who is now my fiance (I’m going on 23). We gave our virginity to each other, and we took it very seriously. We talked for months before we actually did anything, and I asked my mom about going on the pill months before we did anything. We wanted to be sure, safe, and feel secure in each other before experiencing sex. It sounds silly, because everyone says it when they are young, but I felt it in my soul that this guy was made just for me. I am thrilled to me marrying my first love and I am thrilled that he will be the only man that I have shared my body with. Its just such an intimate feeling knowing that no other person has made him feel the way I have, and vice versa. No one else has seen him, touched him, or held him like I have. That’s just really special to me :). I do not judge people for feeling and acting differently, many of my close friends have had multiple sex partners, some with people they dated, some one night stands. I just couldn’t imagine doing it myself

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