(Closed) Spin off: What traditional wedding etiquette do you disagree with?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
4680 posts
Honey bee

The rule about not putting anything to do with gifts on any invites, especially the shower ones. And that you can only invite people to the pre-wedding stuff that are invited to the wedding. It can definitely be tacky, but not always. I wish it was more of a rule of thumb instead of a total rule. 

The reason being, a friend of mine recently eloped, for lack of a better word. Hers and her husband’s immediate families were there, but that was it. They also had a very short engagement (5 days). So when she came back home for about a month to get ready to move in with him (he’s military), she had a “bridal shower”. On the invite, was a little note that said something about how, due to the expense of moving, the bride and groom requested cash or gift cards, and gave a list of stores that would be near them. No one thought anything about it was tacky at all. 

Post # 4
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

asking the bride’s father for permission/blessing – I honestly feel that each couple should make this decision for themselves and leave the parents out if it

garter/bouquet toss – don’t want DH rifling around under my dress in front of everyone

anniversary dances- kind if alienating to people who lost their partners or are not getting married for a variety of reasons (long engagements, gay couples, etc)

flower girls/ring bearers who are barely old enough to walk – cute, causes many issues

I’m a private person so I actually hate the idea of saying wedding vows in front of friends/family and I hate that they think they have the right to be there and guilt trip us if they are not

Post # 5
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That bridesmaids pay for their dresses (assuming the bride chooses). I believe if bride chooses, bride pays. Being a BM should be an honour, not an expense.

The garter toss. And worse, the garter placement, where your DH’s creepy 35 year old uncle gets to put the garter on the leg of one of your friends. Eugh! (Fortunately hardly ever happens here).

Post # 6
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As someone who is a bit of an Etiquette Snob, and really does understand WHY it exists

I only really have one problem with Etiquette…

That most people, don’t actually know what is a TRUE Rule of Etiquette, and which ones are just Traditions or Local Customs

Example…

1- Bridesmaid for every 50 Guests – NOT ETIQUETTE (Local Custom… actually something I’ve never heard of before)

2- Virginal White Wedding Dress – NOT ETIQUETTE (Tradition)

3- Asking Father of the Bride for Permission to Marry / Wedding Blessing – NOT ETIQUETTE (Local Custom / Tradition… depends on where in the world)

4- Garter & Bouquet Toss – NOT ETIQUETTE (Tradition / Local Custom… again depends on where in the world)

5- Anniversary Dances – NOT ETIQUETTE (Local Custom)

6- Very Young Flower Girls – NOT ETIQUETTE (Tradition / Local Custom … depends on where in the world)

7- Public Wedding Vows – NOT ETIQUETTE (Tradition / Local Custom)

8- Gift Info NOT being on Invites – ETIQUETTE (altho the example given in regards to a “Shower” giving out Gift Info is totally acceptable… as Showers are strictly organized as a way to give Gifts to a Bride)

9- Bridesmaids Pay for Dresses – ETIQUETTE (altho again more of a Tradition / Customary thing… certainly quite acceptable for the Bride to pay if she so wishes)

10- Garter Placement – NOT ETIQUETTE (Local Custom)

So as you can see..

A lot of this whole what is perceived to be Etiquette thing really isn’t…

Out of 10 Examples, only 2 were true Etiquette things… and both of the examples given here had IF or BUT situations where they weren’t hard and fast rules as outlined by the Bees in this topic

Local Customs & Traditions… ALWAYS are things that are open for debate, and can be put aside… just that a lot of Brides don’t realize the difference between what is TRUE Etiquette and what isn’t… and when Family is telling them something is a MUST DO… when it really is just a Tradition or Local Custom and can easily be omitted.

Hope this info helps someone,

 

Post # 7
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@This Time Round:  Thank you. That was my reaction as well.

Etiquette adn tradition are two very different things.

Post # 8
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I could do without the whole “no one wears white but the bride” nonsense, assuming that’s etiquette and not custom. I’m not the etiquette expert though.

I would like the rules of addressing envelopes to be abolished. It should be acceptable to say (politely of course) Uncle John and Aunt Mary, we would really love you to come, but not your kids! Let’s just say it, and not assume everyone knows what the lines on the envelope mean (then get mad when someone doesn’t).

Post # 9
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Not putting ‘adults only reception’ on invites — Silly. If people show up with their children and I don’t have a seat for them, then what? I think it’s important to make it absolutely clear to people who is and isn’t invited. Etiquette forces you to assume guests will just know better, and from what I’ve heard from other brides on here, it tends to results in embarressment for both sides.

 

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Poor etiquette for a newly engaged couple to throw a party to celebrate (i.e. engagement party) 

Post # 12
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The requirement that you should have a receiving line at any wedding over 100 people. A receiving line at our wedding would have been a logistical nightmare. Instead I simply made sure to go around to each table at the reception and thank people for coming

Post # 14
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

@mrs-j-to-be:  +1

Yep, I will be making it crystal clear who is invited. 

Post # 15
Member
9567 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Cash bars a no-no, I think it is perfectly acceptable for guests to pay for alcoholic drinks if they want them. They have the choice not to partake in the bar if they don’t wish to pay for it, and can have the non-alcoholic beverages on offer.

Post # 16
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@carolsdaughter:  +1 to the receiving line. Why should guests stand in line to spend a few seconds with you? Fortunately it’s rarely done here.

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