(Closed) Spin off: who do you consider a Social Unit?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Married and engaged couples : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Married, engaged, and cohabiting couples : (8 votes)
    8 %
    Married, engaged, cohabiting, and long-term dating couples : (59 votes)
    62 %
    Anybody who considers themselves in a relationship : (25 votes)
    26 %
    Obligatory other (explain) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @sailor:  I feel differently depending on whether it’s a wedding or a more casual party.

    For a wedding:

    Married

    Engaged

    Living Together

    Dating for more than 1 year (and ideally I’ve met their SO, but not required)

    For a casual party

    Married

    Engaged

    Living Together

    Dating Exclusively

    and if people want to bring a date/friend… the more the merrier.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1586 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I chose anybody who is in a long term relationship… although they may not be married or even have plans to get married etc…. if they’ve been in a long term relationship the odds i’ve seen and hung out with them lots is a good probability so therefore… i would consider them a friend

    Post # 5
    Member
    2863 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Etiquette suggests anyone who considers themselves in a relationship. I personally think you can squeak by with people who have been dating 6+ months and not have Emily Post come looking for ya 😉 I am giving everyone a +1 because budget allows for it and it less headache for me figuring out who is dating who. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We’re inviting people with +1s if they have a long-term SO, are living together or are married.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2712 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    A social unit is anyone who considers themselves in a relationship (and etiquette agrees).  If you try and define it as people who are “serious” or have been dating for x number of months you end up judging their relationship (even if you aren’t trying to).  And no one is in any position to judge a relationship except the 2 people who are actually in the relationship.  I know couples who were engaged after only 6 months of dating so obviously they were pretty serious from the get-go.  My Fiance and I got engaged after just over a year of dating, but we were very serious 2-3 months in.  I would be pretty offended and insulted to not be invited somewhere with my Boyfriend or Best Friend because the hosts did not consider our relationship “serious” enough or think that we hadn’t been dating long enough to earn an invite or because we weren’t living together.  I also think it’s annoying to say people who have only been dating 3 months but are living together are a social unit, but a couple living apart and dating for 6 months is not.

     

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    @RunsWithBears:  I totally agree.

    My fiance and I were exclusive from our very first date, and also very serious from the beginning. We actually would have moved in together very early on, but we both had leases and roommates so we had to wait about 11 months.  I was invited to a wedding during that time without a guest and I didn’t go because of that. They knew I was in a relationship but we didn’t meet the “living together or dating 1 year rule”, so I was left alone.  I would have had to travel for this wedding too.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3720 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    The problem with all of these rules is that they are arbitrary and change. From the time you send your save the dates to the time you send your invites, a “casual relationship” in your eyes could become engaged and living together. Similarly, people break up. I also hate the “living together” rule because I am engaged, but not yet living with my Fiance. I try to stay out of people’s relationships and not make judgments on how serious they are.

     

    My rule for weddings is simple—if you are facebook official or have introduced your significant other to me with a title, you are invited as a social unit. That means both names should be on the card and both people are invited. People that are not fb official with anyone and have not made it is clear that they are dating someone either get a +1 or do not get a +1, but no named invite.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think it is up to me to decide how serious a relationship is; if they are dating someone exclusively, I consider them a social unit.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee

    @sailor:  agreed. I know so many people that jump into living together after a month only to break up a year later. So they are considered a social unit more than me and my SO of 5 years?

    Umm…I call bullsh*t.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1319 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I agree with dating for one year. I didn’t expect to be invited anywhere just because Darling Husband was until we’d been together 4 or 5 years.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Well, here is a question. What if you find out around the time of your invitations ( or after)  and who ever you invited tells you that they have been dating someone for a year plus, and you did not know…. do you then have to invite the unknown other?

    Post # 15
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @KatNYC2011:  Those are my thoughts as well.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @imalittlebirdie:  In that situation, we made sure to phone the person and let them know that they were welcome to bring their SO and we were sorry for our oversight. I think being a couple for 6+ yrs before being engaged colored our view, though, because we really disliked when one of us wasn’t invited because we weren’t shacking up. So we tried to be extra sensitive to those who’d been with their SOs for a while (1yr+).

    The topic ‘Spin off: who do you consider a Social Unit?’ is closed to new replies.

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