Post # 47
I would complain/find it annoying because weddings shouldn’t be drawn out into countless expenses and events for other people to pay for an attend. That’s great you’re getting married, but I’m not depicting multiple weekends and extra funds to the cause. If anything it should be the bridesmaids complaining about too much being asked not the bride complaining that people won’t jump when she says to.
If I choose to spend money I worked for on a purse, then I will. The beauty of it being my money is that I can use it for whatever I want. I don’t care for parties or going out and I hate girls’ nights. Add to that I don’t want to spend the money and bachelorette paties make me cringe. I don’t know why people feel they have the right to judge others’ finances and how they allocate them.
Post # 48
I don’t think too many people are saying that a party in and of itself isn’t worth the money; they’re saying that expensive trips that require days off and upward of $500/person (and multiple people here have described bachelorettes that run four figures) in addition to costs associated with the shower, the wedding itself, etc. creates a somewhat ridiculous expectation, especially if a bride is inviting people who are not among her most intimate friends.
And quite frankly, the memories I’ve acquired while traveling solo are a hundred thousand times more important and meaningful to me than any memories or experiences that I’ve ever had at a bachleorette party or shower (and, if I’m being honest, at any wedding ever, save my own sister’s).
Post # 49
Yeesh, and this is why I’m dreading the logistics of planning the bachelorette party down the road. I only really have three girls that I want to include in the bridal party, and none of them have much money. I’m not a big party girl or anything, so a nice dinner and chill evening watching chick flicks and drinking wine would be lovely. I would love to travel to Charleston and party with all my friends from grad school, but I can think of some easy ways to cut costs for my three intended BMs (carpooling, staying with friends in Charleston, etc).
I wish I could offer advice. It’s all a balancing act when it comes to logistsics and budget. Sometimes you just can’t make people happy no matter what you do, but you can rest easy knowing that you’ve done all you can to be considerate. How they respond is out of your hands.
Post # 50
3 years ago my friend and I planned a bachlorette party for her sister in law. We went to Chicago for 2 days, and there were 5 of us including the girld that was gettign married. It was a suprise for her and she had no idea where we were taking her. The 4 of us chipped in and spent 150 each. The bachlorette girl didnt spend a penny. Its about how you plan it, and we didnt think 150 was that much.
Post # 51
I think the major issue is that bridal parties aren’t necessarily groups of friends – they all know the bride but they might not know each other. I think that’s what makes the money issues the worst – because usually one or two make most of the decisions, and hope the other girls will chip in. And it’s hard to really be excited for a weekend away if you only know the bride, and aren’t thrilled to spend every waking moment with the other bridesmaids.
Post # 52
My bachelorette party has been discussed and set in stone for OVER a year. Weekend trip to Temecula, CA for wine tasting and spa relaxation – not quite $300 – includes everything including transportation, hotel room, food, wine tasting, and pedicures for all.
I have 6 bridesmaids, including the Maid/Matron of Honor, and the ONLY person complaining is the Maid/Matron of Honor.
I get really frustrated at this because of how long this plan has been set. If you put away $25 each month for a year, you’d have $300.
My bridesmaids are vehemently against me paying for any part of this weekend, which flatters me, really, but I am THIS close volunteering funds so my sister can join.
Then again, as frustrated as I am, let’s get some perspective – Who REALLY cares about the bachelorette party 20 years after the wedding?
Post # 53
@Polygon: +1 99% of the pre-wedding events I attend are “spend 5 minutes with the bride, my actual friend and spend the rest of the time with the other people, whom I barely know.” I’m a social person and can make profitable conversation with people I don’t know that well and can have an enjoyable enough time doing so. However, I’m not spending $1000 to do that. Like I said in my very first post to this thread, I’ll spend that $1000 taking the bride and our actual mutual friends out instead.
Post # 54
@weddingbee098: Around here it is definitely not the norm for the bride to pick up any of the costs.
I think bachelorettes are getting out of control. They used to be a night out for maybe dinner and drinks. Now brides are demanding travel, cruises, hotel rooms etc.
I simply don’t choose to spend that kind of money on someone else’s wedding.
I therefore, decline most bachelorette invitations.
Post # 55
@TGold: I think your attitude is one of the reasons that so many people are in financial trouble.
No one should ever measure how much someone cares about them by the amount they spend on them or to be with them.
I guarantee there are any seniors today who wish they had saved more money or paid down the mortgage faster.
If the bachelorette is not about an expensive party, then brides need to stop demanding an expensive party.
Good financial management is an invaluable skill to acquire. Sometimes that means saying ” I’m sorry. I can’t afford it.”
Post # 56
I think it completely depends on the circumstances and the group of friends. For mine, I told the girls I wanted to do whatever they wanted to plan. I’m having a destination wedding in another country, so I really didn’t feel like I should have any demands on that front. They all wanted to have a girls weekend away, and discussed among themselves what they felt comfortable with. Coming from California, Vegas is pretty easy, and while it can add up, it depends on what you do. I think the key is all the friends feel comfortable with the prices, and decide together, aren’t told what they are doing and how much.
Post # 57
I’ve never had to pay very much for a bachelorette, Usually we just all go out to the bars and take turns buying the bride drinks. So I would be surprised/complainy if they wanted me to spend more than say 100, ontop of the wedding costs.
Post # 58
@julies1949: That’s why I suggest talking to the bride if you really can’t afford it. Maybe she simply doesn’t realize that her budget is different from most of her friends’. But there are people commenting that all their extra money goes to saving for a house or paying something off. One bee even said that if she buys a purse with the money she would have something to show for it. Is getting home one month earlier really worth missing out on experiences and memories with one of your best friends? I mean, how many people have cable television but complain about having to buy a present for a bridal shower? Plus, I just find it annoying when people passive-aggressively complain about something like this. If you’re close enough with someone that she’s inviting you to her bachelorette party, you should be close enough to mention that something less costly might be allow more people to come.
Post # 59
@MarriedToMyWork: To each her own, I guess. All of my best memories involve sharing the experience with someone I love. Watching my best friends get married have been amazing moments that I would never miss.
Post # 60
@TGold: But the problem is that these things really shouldn’t be the bride’s call because the bride is not the one who should be inviting people to a party where they will be expected to spend money in her honor, so anyone who involves the bride opens herself up to accusations of “tattling” to the bride and creating conflict that way, or opens herself up to accusations that she is trying to “upset” the bride, etc. That’s why so many people vent and behave in a passive-aggressive way when they are confronted with a Maid of Honor or group of bridesmaids who will not listen to reason with respect to cost, as the risk of open conflict that results when the bride is dragged into things and forced to rule in favor of one side is often perceived as too high.
Post # 61
@MarriedToMyWork: I guess my friends are just very different from a lot of other groups. It probably helps that most of them have known each other for a long time, so they feel comfortable addressing problems directly. I can’t imagine them being so dramatic or accusatory toward each other. What you described definitely sounds messy.