Post # 1
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
This is inspired by another bee’s thread: would it be a deal breaker if you found out your fiancé shoplifted?
What if this happened two weeks before your wedding!? Would you easily forgive and support them? Would you postpone the wedding and need time to think? Would you say no way and call the wedding off? How would you respond?
What if your fiancé lied by omission and hid their shoplifting charges from you until after the wedding? How would you feel when you found out? Would you feel betrayed or tricked?
This would be a dealbreaker situation for me, but it seemed a lot of people were very supportive in the other thread, so I am very curious now.
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
talk about loaded question!
I smoke weed (amoung other illegal substances) = “I commit crimes” seeing how I married a pothead… I guess its not a dealbreaker- BUT I DO NOT FORGIVE “CRIMES” easily —> obviously depending on the nature of the offense.
Post # 4
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
if you’re talking merely about shop lifting- for me BIG WHOOP, I’ve done way worse.
Post # 5
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
It would depend on alot. I never have and would seriously have to think about it. If they didn’t tell me before than I would have serious pause. If they didn’t tell me until after the wedding than all trust would be shattered and I would feel hurt and betrayed, I’d seriously consider an annulment at that point.
I read the inital thread and while I feel for the poster it would really make me think. I would like to think I would be supportive and say ‘sure love can forgive anything’, but in all honesty I would have a very hard time with it. I’d worry if this was going to be a pattern or reaction to stress everytime. But what worries me the most is the hesitency to disclose it before the wedding. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but my FI knows them going in that way we have no surprises and more trust.
Post # 6
Member
9693 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@FLBlonde93: Interesting. Depends on the degree. Theft under $5,000 would be okay because he wouldn’t go to jail 😛 Seriously though, he would need to stop but I don’t think I’d be too fussed. If he was going around mudering people though, that would be a bit different.
Post # 7
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t have a criminal record as an adult, but I do have a juvenile record. I am not a criminal and I know that I have given plenty to our community. Petty theft, as is the case with the other thread, would not be a dealbreaker for me. It would be a “What in the f*** were you thinking?!” moment in our lives. I think the other bee had a moment of god awful judgment, and I think we are all capable of it.
However, if my dear FI was caught stealing on a larger scale, yes it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn’t be able to live with someone who thought it out/planned stealing.
Post # 8
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
I made a mistake when I was young (but still of age), that’s on my record. It was nothing too serious, I only ever paid a fine (small one). But, it makes me more lenient on others who make mistakes. It happens, everyone has moments where they aren’t at their best. I would be understanding, as long as he came to me about it. Zero tolerance for lying about it though.
Post # 9
Member
10510 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
It would really depend, but the crime I could forgive. I would seriously wonder what was going on at the time, because it would be so out of character for DH.
Keeping it from me, especially if he was caught would be a bigger issue.
Post # 10
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
My fiance has shoplifted in the past and was arrested for it. I don’t care because I think that Walmart deserved it.
Post # 11
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
If it was a one time thing I’d let it go, but a habit? That would have to be addressed and stop. I am not going to face him going to jail and us being fined because he has a theft habit. Plus it could cause issues with my job since I work for the govt, have a clearance and am regularly reinvestigated.
Post # 12
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
I don’t care because I think that Walmart deserved it.
@thejucheidea: LOL
Post # 13
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
@FLBlonde93: I’m pretty by the book, don’t break laws and I would not call off my wedding because my FI shoplifted. I think that’s ridiculous. I’d be disappointed but I wouldn’t leave him..
Post # 14
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
@thejucheidea: With respect, that’s a pisspoor argument for committing a crime. I’ve absolutely no time for Walmart or any of the tax dodging, union busting, exploitative global corporations that make a fortune yet feel it quite unecessary to burden themselves with a conscience. However, there are ways to make a legitimate protest against their activities. Shoplifting and not caring that someone shoplifts immediately removes any right to occupy the moral high ground.
But to get back to the OP, I would have an issue with someone who routinely steals for no reason. However, I hope I would be compassionate and understanding if they were under enormous stress and not thinking properly.
Post # 15
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
Nope. Which is why I didn’t chime in on the original thread. If this happened to my fiance and I found out about it before the wedding, I’d be hurt, angry, disappointed and leave him. Why? Because someone who makes decisions of that type is not ready to be a family head regardless of the reason. If he told me after the wedding, I’d be hurt, angry, disappointed and unable to leave him. Why? Because I take vows seriously. So he’d have to choose very wisely when we wanted to tell me and whether he could handle the consequences in either case.
Post # 16
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
@thejucheidea: BAHAHAHAHA!!!
Doesn’t walmart “forgive” shoplifting under $30?
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