Post # 1
If you found out you were due about 12 days before a wedding would you step down as a bridesmaid? This is actually a spin off of a post I started earlier this evening.
I have a BM who was supposed to be due Monday and it seems as though she won’t be giving birth this week (although who knows- I know you can’t always tell). When she first told me the due date I casually asked if she would still be able to make the wedding and noted that if she was late she probably wouldn’t be able to make it. She kept telling me that “she would be there no matter what” and I didn’t feel right pressuring her into stepping down.
So, would you step down if you were due around the wedding? I feel like I would. For my own sanity as well as for the bride’s sake.
Just to put it out there- I am not mad at her! Not at all. I understand that she can’t help it if the baby is late, but I am a little disappointed because at this point I’m not sure that she will make it.
Post # 3
I would have to. My 1st daugther was a c-section, and even though I can schedule the next one (if I have another baby), I was on heavy medication for at least a week, and still uncomfortable at 2 weeks. But that’s just my situation.
I know plenty of women who are up and about like nothing happened 2 days after giving birth. Is this her first? I mean, ANYTHING can happen. What would happen if she did step down? Would you replace her? I say wait and see what happens…and the worst that will happen is that she will have that baby right at the wedding date, and miss it. The best? She has the baby before, with no complications, and can be there with you!
Either way, your friend and her baby are going to be a party of your life ‘forever’ most likely, so don’t stress about her missing your big day because of her big day!
ETA: I answered ‘yes’ i would step down, but if I gave birth like a normal person (haha) I would have said no.
Post # 4
I would do my best to let the bride be my guide. I know my best friend would have wanted me there with her if at all possible no matter what, and vice versa. But if I was a BM for someone I was a bit less close to, I might offer to. It’s tricky, though–you don’t want to make her feel like you’re backing out or would really prefer not to have to stand up with her if you actually really want to and you think it means a lot to her.
Post # 5
I would have to. Even with a scheduled csection say 2-3 weeks before. The recovery is very tough, wouldn’t want ti push myself.
Post # 6
@JFay: My wedding is in 10 days so I’m hoping she has it tonight! I asked my BMs to be a part of the wedding about a week before she found out she was pregnant so I probably would have asked someone else. At this point I obviously can’t do anything beyond asking one of the BMs to walk 2 guys down the aisle
It’s her first child and I honestly thought that first children are always early (guess I didn’t research enough lol). I’m not too stressed that she will miss it, just a little disappointed that she refuses (still) to acknowledge that she probably won’t be there.
Post # 7
@MrsBeck: I think I probably would, but that’s just me. My mum went into labour with me at my aunt’s wedding which has kind of turned me off the idea of being a heavily pregnant bridesmaid/wedding guest.
Post # 8
I would talk to the bride and give her the option. The best scenario is to allow her to try her absolute best to be there, but be understanding if she has to cancel at the last minute. And other than having an alternate processional plan, I don’t think it’s a big deal. She just might be out the cost of the dress. But if I was a bridesmaid, I’d want to try. I have bridesmaids due 4 weeks and 8 weeks before my wedding! They bough big dresses and are just planning to get them fitted at the last minute. And we’ll work around breast feeding and such.
Post # 9
@MrsBeck: This is tough!
I also have a first-time pregnant bridesmaid, but she is due 6 wks before the wedding, so I’m not sure if what I’m doing really helps you out at all, sorry! But she insists she wants to be there still, and that she doesn’t want to bring the baby on the day, but leave it with her parents (who live in the same town as where the wedding is being held).
I, however, don’t think she will feel the same way once little bubs is born, so I am going to ask her husband to organise to have the parents stay in my hotel room upstairs during the wedding if they want, and then if she needs to breastfeed the bub is in the same building, and if she just needs to be with him/her, she can! Also cool with them bringing a newborn to the wedding, but they say they don’t want to (but that is also an option). Husband could hold bub during ceremony. Also, I’ve told her if she is just too exhausted and dead-on-her-feet on the day, she can come as a guest and I will have a lopsided bridal party, which never looks so bad to me anyway.
Post # 10
@aussiebride26: Thanks so much for the advice! She had it last night and barring anything terrible happening she said she would be there 🙂 she also said she was going to leave the baby with her parents but I told her she is more than welcome to bring her. She will have a room so I can suggest that her parents watch the baby there as well!
Post # 11
@MrsBeck: Sounds like it’s all going to work out then – good timing from bubs 🙂
Post # 12
Glad it sounds like it’s going to work out.
To answer the original question, if I were due less than 2 weeks before a wedding I’d step down. Even if I had an easy birth and felt up to traveling and participating in the day, I wouldn’t want to take a <2 week old baby out so early and have to coordinate breastfeeding every 1.5-2 hours.