(Closed) Spin Off – Your SO's Attitude Toward Your Salary / Income

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee

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bywater :  Mine couldn’t care less. We’re in this life thing together, the money goes towards the same bills, the vacations are taken together, the fun stuff is bought with mutual discussion, so there’s really no reason to care. 

Post # 32
Member
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

he makes more than I do, though when we met I had the higher earning potential.  (When we were students I had roughly 1.2-1.5 the earning potential he did, just based on the degrees we were pursuing.  He left and went in to a career path out of left field after a year of us being together, and now has roughly 2-5 times the earning potential I do.)

He doesn’t say a word about it.  I talk about wanting to be a STAHM for a year or so when the baby is small, and he is supportive of me doing whatever I need to do.  We both worry that if i take a year off it’ll affect my ability to go back in to my career of choice–but in the end he makes it clear he’s only worrying about my happiness, not about whether I can get back in there and start making money again.  

 

Post # 33
Member
7892 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Since I finished my postgrad training, I have made more than DH. He has his own valuable skill set and has never been bothered by our income difference. He’s always been the more laidback one. One person’s success is the success of the both of us. 

One time I was reviewing our bank account history and saw that a product refund of his had gone through. I called it his “little check.” He thought I was referring to his paycheck! We both laughed about it. 

Post # 34
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

At one point DH and I both made the same (minimum wage), then I made about 3 times what he made, and now he makes about 3 times what I make. My guy definitely felt bad when I made more. It wasn’t so much that he needed to outperform me as much as it was that I made a decent salary and he hardly made anything. I think it would be different if I had made like $150k and he had made like $90k, instead we were in a situation where he made right around $20k and I made $60k. He felt like he wasn’t pulling his own weight and he hated that. I don’t mind him outearning me at all. I prefer the roles of male breadwinner/female homemaker, JUST FOR MY RELATIONSHIP, not at all saying this is the only way, it’s just a personal preference. I also prefer to not kill my own spiders or take out the trash, but if he touches my kitchen equipment I cut a b, lol. 

Honestly, I think most relationships have one partner who is a bit more career-focused and one partner who is more laid back. I happen to be female and happen to be the laid back partner, and he happens to be male and happens to be the super ambitious partner. I’ve seen the reverse too, good friends of ours include a woman who is a VP of a company (with a PhD) and her husband who is a stay at home dad with an associates degree, and the majority of my gay coupled friends also have this dynamic where one is more into cooking and house stuff and the other is all about promotions and overtime. 

Post # 35
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My fiance literally makes six times what I make! But it’s OK, he never makes me feel bad about it.

Post # 36
Member
10 posts
Newbee

My Fiance makes 20-25% less than me, but neither of us mind, and it all goes towards our joint future anyway. He’s very supportive and appreciates how hard I work, and I’m grateful that he’s neither the type to have his masculinity threatened, nor a layabout who would take it too easy and just live off my earnings. His earning potential is greater than mine, and in a few years after kids I plan to cut back and do regular hours, so he might be earning more. I really enjoy things the way they are, it gives me a sense of security knowing that financially I would be just fine on my own.

Plus if I work a *lot* of extra hours, that money is my play money to buy whatever I want *cough jewellery* and I don’t even feel guilty :p 

Post # 37
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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bywater :  My DH has a really funny attutide about it.   He loves that I make good money and encourages me to make more.  He takes pride in the fact that I make a really good living while most of his colleuges partners make very little and don’t have serious careers.  Thta said, he has usually made a little more than me.

That said…he’s also really hard on me about spending too much time at work.  He wants me to work 9-5, take vacation days whenever, be able to work from home…all that.  He wants me to have the flexibility and work life balance of a lower paying job while still making the big bucks.  I find this very frustrating.

He’s also not supportive of the idea that I would stay home or scale way back if we have kids.  I’m not even sure I would want to do that, but it bums me out to know that he thinks it’s a really illigitmate choice when I just don’t see life working any other way.

Post # 38
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think if anyone’s Fiance or Boyfriend or Best Friend has an issue with you making more than them, thats insecurity on their part. I make more than my Fiance, and it’s honestly never even came up in conversation like that. We both work hard and that’s that. If he made more than me at one point, I’d be happy! 

Post # 39
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Currently, Fiance makes about 5x more than me. After I finish grad school though, I can out-earn him AND pay part of his student loan debt. I also offered to cover 100% of living expenses after my license but I think he finds that a little intimidating. 

Post # 40
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Well, as I’m in med school right now, my FI’s the primary breadwinner, along with a portion of my inheritance! But, once I graduate and start working as a doctor, I’ll be out earning him, and he has no problems with that. He’s expressed interest in taking less hours and spending more time with the kids when it’s an option, but that’s a long way off. Generally, as long as we’re comfortable and healthy, we’re both fine.

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